All You Want
by kt2785
Summary: Sawyer is the one who got off the island. He and Kate were happy, but happiness doesn't always last, and what happens when they have to go back to the island. And back to Jack. Rated M. Skate.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This will _probably_ be my last story until the new season starts. I'm actually not even planning on writing anything during the season either, but I know that I will get inspired by stuff that happens on the show, and want to write. And I know that I will write another one when the season ends…so we'll just see how things go. I'm also planning on doing a oneshot too, at some point in the near future. **

**Anyway…this story is as if Sawyer was the one who got off the island with Kate, and they had to leave Jack behind. It's rated M for explicit sexual scenes. **

**Chapter 1: Happy...or not?**

_**2 And A Half Years After The Rescue **_

Kate and Sawyer hadn't seen much of each other. He had stayed away from her. Mainly because he knew that she had to concentrate on raising Aaron. She didn't beg him to stay. She kept her distance. She hadn't seen him since Hurley's party. She was waiting in the court room for the next witness to be called.

"I'd like to call James Ford to the stand," Kate's lawyer said. Kate snapped toward him. He sat down and looked at her. "I'm sorry. It's the only way."

Sawyer walked into the court room. He hadn't changed much except maybe a few lines in his face, but the thing that was the most different was his clean shaven face and his hair was shorter. It was still long, but not nearly as long as it had been when they left. She took a breath and felt as if she might burst into tears. She looked into the palms of her hands.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help you God?" the bailiff asked.

"I do."

"Please state your relationship with the plaintiff," the lawyer said.

"We crashed on an island together," Sawyer answered.

"Were you and Ms. Austen close?" the lawyer asked.

"You might say that," he murmured. "But then again I guess it depends on who you ask."

Kate smiled, but held back her chuckle.

"Please just answer yes or no Mr. Ford," he said.

"You don't survive a plane crash without becoming close," he answered.

"Yes or no, Mr. Ford," the judge said, before the lawyer could.

"Yes," Sawyer said. "Ok? Yes. We were close."

"But you're not anymore?" the lawyer asked.

"No," he replied.

"Did you know that she was a fugitive when you crashed?" he asked Sawyer.

"Yes," Sawyer nodded. Kate looked at him, slightly confused.

"How?" the lawyer asked.

"Because I saw her," he answered. "I saw her on the plane with the marshal."

"Did you ever ask her if she was guilty?" the lawyer asked.

"Yeah," Sawyer nodded. "We played a little 'get to know you' game. So I asked."

"And how did she answer?" he asked. Kate looked as if she might fall off her chair. Sawyer smiled at her and shook his head.

"Of course not," he answered. "She's never killed anyone."

"How do you know she wasn't lying?" the lawyer asked.

"Because she is an honest woman," Sawyer replied. "She never let any of us down. We lost a lot of people that day, but those of us who survived…we were saved by Kate."

"Stop," Kate shook her head and stood up.

"Ms. Austen, sit down," the judge said.

"Look, it's my trial…just move on to the next question please," she said.

"Fine," the lawyer answered. "I'm done."

"Ok," the judge said. "Prosecution, you may begin."

"I just have one question Mr. Ford. Do you love her?" he asked.

"I don't see how that's relevant," Sawyer said expertly avoiding the question.

"It is relevant Mr. Ford, because you could just be trying to protect her with your other answers," he said. "Now please answer the question. Are you in love with her?""I was," Sawyer said. "I was once, but-as I said…we're not that close anymore. I got over her. I am over her your honor."

**3 Days Later**

Kate was walking out to her cab. She took a deep breath of relief and looked at the ceiling.

"Wouldn't you want to wait till you're actually outside to try and look at the sky Freckles?" Sawyer said behind her. She turned around and smiled.

"Hey," she said.

"I know what it's like, remember?" he stated. "Bein' in the slammer. Not getting a breath of fresh air for weeks at a time. So…what's the first thing you're going to do when you get home?"

"I'm going to hug my son," she answered. "And I'm going to promise him that I'll never leave him again."

"How is Aaron doin'?" he asked.

"He's beautiful Sawyer," she said with a smile, and lighting up.

"Guess now I know why you wanted to be pregnant so badly," he said.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You're a completely different person Freckles," he replied. She almost looked hurt and taken aback. "Oh…don't take it as a bad thing Freckles. I just-you light up. I don't think I've ever seen you this happy."

"You should come by and see us," she said. "I know that Aaron would like you. He used to anyway. Remember?"

"Yeah," he nodded and laughed. "I just don't know if it's the greatest idea."

"Why not?" she asked.

"I haven't even seen my own daughter Kate," he said. "I just-you know I was lying right? Kate please don't-please don't think that I don't love you anymore. I do. I will never stop loving you."

**2 Weeks Later**

Kate was sitting on the couch watching a cartoon with Aaron. He was cuddled against her. She looked down at him and ran her fingers through his hair. The phone rang and she got up carefully. She picked up the phone.

"Hello?" she said.

"Kate," Sawyer's voice said.

"Hey," she replied. "What's up?"

"I went to see Clementine today," he said.

"Really?" she asked. "That's good, I guess-Sawyer-"

"I just wanted to tell someone," he whispered.

"What does she look like?" Kate asked.

"She was-" he began with a soft breath. "She's got this smile. She-I don't know what to say."

"Well are you going to see her again?" she questioned.

"I don't know," he answered. "But that's not the only reason why I called."

"I had a feeling," she chuckled.

"I sorta got a flat tire on my way home," he told her.

"And you need some little woman to come help you change it?" she teased.

"No," he sighed. "I wish. I don't have a spare tire."

"Oh, well that's smart," she said.

"Well-can you come get me?" he asked.

"Where are you?" she asked.

"I'm about 30 minutes away," he said.

"Lemme call the nanny," she scoffed.

"Thank you," he responded.

* * *

Kate was trying to leave the house, but Aaron was clinging on to her leg, and not letting her go.

"Mommy, I wanna come," Aaron said.

"I know," she answered. "It's ok. I'm going to be back soon. I promise."

She kissed him on the cheek and disappeared out of the door.

"Don't worry Aaron," Veronca began. "We're going to have a good time. Mommy will be home before you go to bed."

The drive took longer than 30 minutes, but as she got closer to the exit number that Sawyer told her, she got more and more nervous. She pulled off the exit and Sawyer was waiting on the ramp with his car. He smiled at her and got into the car.

"Thanks again Kate," he whispered.

"No problem," she replied. "I just have a question. Why did you call _me_?"

"Because I was thinking about you I guess," he answered. "In fact, I haven't been able to stop thinking of you since your trial."

"What are you saying?" she asked.

"I'm saying that I've been an idiot," he answered. "And I-I love you. And I'm tired of being alone. Coming back home to this stupid empty apartment. I don't want to be alone anymore."

"Me neither," she whispered. She leaned toward him and kissed him. She backed away again and drove them back to her house. She didn't bother asking Sawyer where his apartment was. He looked at her with his eyebrows raised.

"I told Aaron I'd be home," she whispered. She got out of the car and Sawyer followed her. They went into the house and Aaron ran toward Kate and jumped into her arms. She laughed and held onto him. She picked him up and spun him around. He chuckled and then looked at Sawyer.

"Mommy, who's this?" he asked.

"This is my friend, Sawyer," she answered.

"Hi," Sawyer said, somewhat awkwardly. Aaron smiled and then pushed his face against Kate's chest, shyly.

The rest of the afternoon and evening, Sawyer watched Kate as she took care of Aaron. She wasn't the flighty, and wild woman that he had met on the island. She wasn't the woman he had fallen so deeply in love with, but even with the changes, he couldn't help but love her. All day Kate kept catching him looking at her. The only thing she could think to do was smile at him.

Kate carried Aaron up the stairs to his bedroom at the end of the night. Sawyer watched from the doorway as Kate put Aaron down in the bed, and pulled the covers around him.

"What book should we read tonight?" she asked. Aaron whispered something to her that Sawyer didn't hear. Kate smiled and looked back at Sawyer.

"He wants you to read to him," Kate told him. Sawyer rolled his eyes, but smiled weakly and walked into the bedroom. He sat down next to Kate and she handed him a book. Sawyer smiled at her and started reading. Kate reached over and took his hand as he read. Aaron fell asleep quicker than usual. When Kate was sure he was fully asleep, she took the book from Sawyer and put it down. Then they both got up slowly and left the room. When they were safely out of the room, Kate began to close Aaron's door. She left it opened a crack and then turned toward Sawyer with a soft smile.

"I should get going," Sawyer whispered.

"And how are you going to get there?" she asked with a smirk.

"I'll call a cab," he told her.

"Sawyer," she began. "The entire reason I brought you here-never mind. If you want to go home-"

He leaned forward and kissed her softly. She kissed him back and pushed him toward her bedroom. She got him to the bedroom and shut the door behind her. He picked her up, and cradled her in his arms. She smiled, and then leaned forward to kiss him. He laid her down in the bed gently. He laid down next to her and they continued to kiss. Kate took a deep breath and he moved his hands over her body and legs. She gasped again and he stopped. They looked at each other. Kate was breathing heavily.

"We don't have to-" he began. She shook her head and leaned toward him. She rolled on top of him and tried to unbutton her pants, but was having some difficulty. He laughed at her and pushed her up so she was sitting up on his legs. He sat up too and reached between them to unbutton her jeans. He unzipped them too and then she laid them back down. Their lips hadn't touched yet. She breathed into his ear and he pulled her pants part of the way down. He kissed her neck and down her chest. He pulled her shirt off and continued kissing her body. Down her chest and down her stomach. She pulled his shirt off too and ran her hands down his shoulders and back. She leaned forward and put her mouth against his neck.

"James," she whispered.

"Hmm," he said into her ear. She kicked her pants off the rest of the way and put her hands on his cheeks.

He reached between them and pulled her underwear down. She started shaking slightly.

"Nervous?" he asked softly. She nodded and took another deep breath. "You don't have to be. It's ok. We can wait-"

She shook her head and reached down to pull the underwear off of her feet. She tossed them across the room and then started at his pants. He put his arms around her and pressed his lips against hers. She pushed her tongue into his mouth and sighed softly. She reached between them to unbutton his pants. She pulled his pants down part of the way and he moaned softly. He looked at her and she smiled at him.

"I'm glad you called me," she swallowed hard. He reached down and touched her. She let out a moan and then covered her mouth with her hand. He smiled and touched her again. This time he slid a finger into her. She breathed in sharply to keep herself from moaning too loudly. She kept herself from making too much noise, but he continued to push her toward the edge. She moved closer to him and kissed his lips deeply, but softly. She pulled his boxers down and looked at him. She chewed down on her lip as he added another finger.

"That feels so good," she whispered softly. He smirked at her and pushed his fingers deeper. She squealed sharply. He covered her mouth with his. She pushed him away and then rolled on top of him.

"I missed this," she told him.

"Missed what?" he asked, running his hand across the back of her neck and hair, in a soothing motion.

"I missed being us," she told him. "And I miss having a grown up to talk to."

She lowered down onto him and breathed deeply into his ear. He flipped them over and pressed his hands against hers. She closed her hand over his and linked their fingers. He pressed his lips to hers. Neither of them were getting enough oxygen, but neither of them cared. Their lips parted and they both were panting. Sawyer brushed a stray piece of Kate's hair out of her face and then rolled off of her. She rolled over and put her face against his chest.

**4 Months Later**

Kate woke up next to Sawyer. He was basically living with her and Aaron. She kissed his chest and then started getting up. He quickly grabbed her around the middle and pulled her closer.

"Where do you think you're going?" he whispered. "Stay in bed with me."

"Hmm," she murmured. "I wish I could. I have class in 40 minutes."

"I can't believe you're going to be a doctor. It's too much work," he said.

"I want to help people Sawyer," she stated.

"Dr. Kate," he chuckled. "Guess it has a nice ring to it."

"Damn right it does," she said. She kissed him quickly and got out of bed.

Kate had been taking classes since her trial had ended. She had to start from scratch and she knew that it was going to be a lot of work, but now that she had Sawyer to help her take care of Aaron, she could take more classes and at a more accelerated speed. She was taking more courses than were recommended, but she was keeping up with all the other students.

* * *

When she came home that night dinner was on the table waiting for her. Sawyer was sitting at the table. He got up and walked toward her.

"Where's Aaron?" she asked.

"Upstairs, playing," he replied. "I already fed him and I told him as soon as we were done eating we'd come and say goodnight."

"Thank you," she said.

"Well," he shrugged. "We were tired of waiting for you to get home and make us something."

"No," she shook her head, and chuckled softly. "Not just for dinner. Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking care of Aaron. I know it's got to be weird. Especially since your daughter is 200 miles away."

"Let's not talk about that," he stated. "I'm starved. Let's just eat."

She smiled and nodded. They ate dinner and talked about their days. Kate had been in classes all day and almost fell asleep in her last one. Sawyer had spent the day with Aaron, not doing much. He took him to the park, and one of the mothers hit on him.

After dinner they went upstairs. Kate and Sawyer read a story to Aaron and then went back to the bedroom. Kate got changed into a t-shirt and a pair of comfortable shorts. She laid down and fell against the pillows.

"I could fall asleep right now," she whispered. "These pillows feel so good."

Sawyer rolled toward her and touched her face and lips with his fingers. She smiled at him and leaned forward to kiss him. He ran his hands down her back and kissed her softly.

**2 Weeks Later**

When Kate got home the nanny was there. The nanny hardly ever came anymore because Sawyer was always there. She went upstairs to say goodnight to Aaron. She had been out of the house all day at her classes and was completely exhausted. She got into bed and almost immediately fell asleep.

She woke up when she heard Sawyer come in and sit down on the bed.

"What are you doing?" she mumbled.

"Get up," he said quickly. She sat up and gasped.

"What?" she asked. "What's wrong? Aaron?"

"No," he shook his head and calmed her down. He put his hands on her shoulders. She took a deep breath of relief.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Come with me," he said.

"Come with you where?" she moaned. "Sawyer, it's almost 1 in the morning."

"I know," he nodded. "I know. And I know I suck, but just please come with me? I promise it will be worth it. Or at least I hope it will. Veronica is downstairs…she's going to stay with Aaron. I just really want to show you something."

"Ok," she said softly. She pulled on a pair of pants and they went to the car. Sawyer started driving. He had a big smile on his face. Kate wasn't paying much attention to where he was driving, because she was too busy watching him. They had been driving for 30 minutes before Sawyer finally stopped. He got off the highway. Kate looked around and noticed that it was the same exit ramp that she had got off on to pick him up 5 months ago.

"I know that I'm screwed up," he told her.

"Sawyer-" she began.

"Shh," he shook his head. "Let me just finish. I'm really just working on it…for us. I know that it's been less than a year. Hell it's been less than 6 months, but I've been in love with you…I've been in love with you for a long time."

"Um-" she started again.

"If I don't get this out now, I'm never gonna," he replied.

"Sorry," she said.

"I never wanted to get married," he stated. "I never have thought that I would ever get married Kate. But I love you. So…um-will you?"

He pulled a ring box out of his pocket and handed it to her without opening it first. She looked at the box in her hand and then looked at him. She opened the box and handed it back to him.

"Will you at least put the ring on my finger?" she asked softly.

"Is that a yes?" he questioned.

"Of course it's a yes!" she exclaimed and sobbed softly. He picked up the ring and slid it on her finger. She spent the next half hour drive home, staring at the ring.

When they got home, Veronica was sleeping on the couch. They didn't bother waking her up. Instead they went up the stairs. Kate shut the door behind her and jumped into Sawyer's arms. He lifted her up a foot off the ground and carried her to the bed. He tossed her down and then let go of her. He pulled her pants back off and then put the covers over her. He pulled his own shirt off and stepped out of his pants. Kate watched him and smiled. He climbed into the bed next to her and put his arms around her, but didn't kiss her.

"Goodnight Freckles," he whispered.

"What?" she asked.

"Goodnight," he repeated.

"We just got engaged," she said.

"I know," he nodded. "Remember? I was there."

"Well, I thought we were gonna come home and-" she started. "You know."

"I know that you have to get up early," he replied. "I didn't want to keep you up any later."

"Well considering it's already 2:00 in the morning, I don't think 10 more minutes is really gonna matter," she said teasingly.

"You asked for it!" he exclaimed. He rolled her over and kissed her lips. She laughed softly at him and kissed him back.

"I was kidding," she whispered. "But I still think we should celebrate. I can skip my first class."

"Katherine Austen," he said. "I'm shocked and surprised at you."

"I think my professor will understand. She's seen pictures of you," Kate stated.

**5 Weeks Later**

Once again, when Kate got home from her class, the nanny was there instead of Sawyer. She was confused, but sent the nanny home and did all the normal routines, of making Aaron dinner and putting him to bed by herself. She and Sawyer were still close, but the past few weeks he didn't talk to her as much as he used to.

She waited for him downstairs. He finally came home around 10:00. She stood up and crossed her arms. He half chuckled and shook his head.

"Uh oh, I'm in trouble," he said.

"Where were you?" she asked. "I've been worried."

"No need to be worried," he told her. "I haven't been cheating on you or anything."

"James-" she started.

"It's nothing Kate," he replied. "I'm hungry, I'm gonna-"

She stopped him, and reached out for his hand. He sighed and she looked at him.

"Please," she whispered. "Don't keep me in the dark."

"I went to go see her, ok?" he mumbled.

"Who?" she asked.

"Clementine," he answered.

"Why wouldn't you tell me?" she replied.

"I don't know," he sighed. "I just don't want you to know anything right now."

"Why?" she asked. "Sawyer, we're engaged. We're going to be together, shouldn't I meet your daughter?"

"No," he shook his head. "I'm not ready for you to. I don't want you to meet her. We're doing it this way."

"O-ok," she whispered. "But you're in Aaron's life-"

"Well Aaron's not your kid, is he?" Sawyer answered. She scoffed and shook her head.

"I cannot believe you just said that," she sighed. "I'm going to bed."

"I'm sorry," he shook his head. "I didn't mean that. You just-you don't know what it's like Kate. I haven't been in her life for 5 years. I just think that I should get to know her a little before I introduce you."

"Ok," she replied. "Ok."

Sawyer followed Kate upstairs. They slept next to each other, but they didn't touch all night.

The next couple weeks, things didn't get any better. Sawyer was spending less time at Kate's and more time at is own apartment and in Albuquerque with Clementine.

Kate had started planning the wedding. She picked out the perfect wedding dress, and decided to buy it that day. She decided to go to Sawyer's apartment that day because the nanny told her that she would stay a few extra hours when she pulled into Sawyer's apartment complex she started getting butterflies. She wanted to tell Sawyer about the fact that she found her dress and she thought of the perfect date too. November 19th. She walked up the steps and knocked on his door. He opened the door and looked at her.

"Kate?" he asked. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you," she told him. "I mean…we saw each other yesterday, but I got the nanny to stay a few extra hours-"

"You can't stay," he said. "You have to leave."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because Clementine is spending the night tonight," he told her.

"Sawyer," she sighed deeply, and then shook her head. "Fine. I'll go home. I thought of a date by the way. November 19th."

The next day Sawyer came to Kate's school. She came out of her class and he was waiting with his hands in his pockets and looking at the ground. She smiled, but then frowned.

"Hey," she said. He stepped toward her and wrapped his arms around her. He didn't let go. She was afraid to let go, so she hugged him just as tightly.

"Kate," he murmured. "I have to tell you something."

"What?" she asked, this time beginning to get scared of what he might say.

"I think we should wait," he replied. "We have to postpone the wedding."

"Why?" she questioned. "Clementine. You want to postpone the wedding because of Clementine?"

"November 19th...it's too soon Kate," he said. "I just think that we should wait a little longer than that."

"But I love you," she told him. "When are we going to start our lives together?"

"I don't know," he mumbled.

"I'm sorry," she breathed. "But I can't do that. It's too confusing for Aaron and you know…it's confusing for me too."

"So what are you saying?" he asked. "We get married in November or not at all?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "I guess that's what I'm saying."

"I don't like ultimatums Kate," he said.

"I'm sorry," she crossed her arms. "But I don't think it's fair for you to keep me from Clementine's life, just because you're scared."

"Ok," he nodded.

"Ok," she smiled and breathed in deeply. "I'll see you tonight?"

"No," he told her. He leaned forward and kissed her quickly. "You can keep the ring. I'll come get my stuff tomorrow when you're at school."

Kate felt as if all the air was taken from her. She couldn't breathe. She didn't want to break up with him. She didn't want to end things. But she also knew that she wouldn't change his mind. She watched him walk away and wrapped her arms around herself. She let out a soft sob.

"Kate? Are you ready for class?" a voice said behind her. It was one of her classmates. She wiped her cheeks and nodded.

"Yeah," she breahed. "Let's go."

**1 Month Later**

When Locke came to visit her she didn't want to listen to anything he said. She wasn't going back to the island. She thought about Jack jumping out of the helicopter. She knew that he had done it for her. And only for her, but it wasn't enough to make her want to go back to the island. She wasn't sure what Locke was even talking about or how or why Jack and everyone else was in danger.

Sawyer started calling her. She didn't want to talk to him. Everything was still extremely heavy on her mind. It was 10:00 at night and her phone rang.

"Kate," Sawyer said. He sounded funny.

"Sawyer?" she asked. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," he mumbled. "I just really need to see you."

"No-" she began."Before you say no," he interrupted. "Please…just-Jeremy Bentham came to see me…I really-please?"

"Where are you?" she asked with a sigh.

"I'm at my place," he mumbled. "Can I come over?"

"Have you been drinking?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered honestly.

"Then no, you can't come here," she replied. "I'll be there in a little bit."

She went to Sawyer's apartment. When he opened the door he pulled her toward her to try and kiss her. She backed away and shook her head.

"No," she said. "What are you doing?"

"I was wrong," he stated. "I was wrong."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I want you to meet Clementine. I want to marry you-" he started.

"Don't do this," she whispered. "I'm just starting to get over you. Don't do this."

"What do you mean you're just starting to get over me?" he asked.

"I've been trying to forget about you," she answered. "I've been trying to get over you and move on with my life, but Aaron-he misses you. And he asks about you. What do you want?'

"We have to go back," he told her.

"So you believe all this crap that Locke is saying?" she asked.

"I don't know what I believe Kate," he sighed and threw his hands up in the air. "I don't know anything anymore. I just-I want to go back to the island. Things were better there. I was someone. Ben was right. On the island is the only time that I actually had a life. I was a nobody…but on the island I was somebody-"

"You were someone with me James," she told him. "I mean…we were engaged right? We loved each other. We were going to get married. And now you have a daughter…so you're still someone."

"Ben said that I could never compete with a world class surgeon like Jack," he mumbled. "I've been thinking about that a lot lately. If Jack were here-"

"But Jack's not here-" she sighed and then shook her head. "I'm not going back to the island James. I have to get back. Aaron's-"

"Ok," he whispered. "Fine. But if you change your mind-"

"I won't," she answered.

**5 Days Later**

Kate had been talked to about the blood test for Aaron. She was terrified of losing him. When she found out that Sawyer was working with Ben, she didn't want to believe it. She hoped that Sawyer would never trust Ben, but her eyes didn't lie.

She was driving back home. She didn't know if it was even safe to go back home, but she didn't know what else to do.

"Momma I'm thirsty," Aaron said.

"Can't you wait till we get home baby?" Kate asked. "We'll be home soon."

"No!" he exclaimed. "Now."

Under normal circumstances Kate would have kept driving and told him that he could have something when he got home, but she was feeling so guilty about losing him, that she decided to pull off at the next exit.

"We're just gonna go get some milk from McDonald's ok?" she asked.

"No!" he yelled. "I want juice."

"Aaron," she sighed.

"Juice mommy!" he said. She rubbed her forehead. She was tired and didn't want to argue, so she decided to just agree and go to the supermarket. She held onto his hand tightly as they walked through the aisles of the supermarket. Kate dropped her phone when it rang and it slid under the shelf. She squatted down and reached under to grab it. When she stood back up Aaron was gone. She quickly looked around.

"Aaron!" she exclaimed. "Aaron! Stop hiding!"

She ran up and down the aisles and couldn't find him. She quickly began running toward the front of the store. She frantically looked around and saw a couple people and asked them if they had seen Aaron. They hadn't. When she neared the front of the store she saw him leaving.

"Aaron!" she exclaimed.

"Mommy," he said when he turned around. He went toward her. She picked him up and sighed deeply.

She drove to her house and went to her neighbor's house instead. The neighbor was her only friend. She had told Lucy almost everything about the true story of what really happened, with the exception of Aaron. She couldn't reveal anything about Aaron because she was so terrified of losing him, but now there wasn't anything else to lose.

"Sorry to come here so late," Kate breathed.

"Kate?" the neighbor, Lucy, asked. "What's wrong?"

"I need to tell you something," Kate said with tears in her eyes. Lucy let Kate into the house. Kate put Aaron down on the couch to sleep. Lucy guided Kate into the kitchen and started making a pot of boiling water.

"Can I make you some tea?" Lucy asked. Kate nodded silently and sat down at the kitchen table. "Kate, what happened?"

"I have to-there's something I have to tell you because I'm going to explode if I don't tell someone," she answered.

"Ok," Lucy whispered. "Kate, it's going to be ok. You know that you can trust me. You can tell me anything."

"Ok," Kate sighed. "I-Aaron's not mine."

"What?" Lucy asked.

"On the island," Kate began. "There was this woman. Her name was Claire. She had a baby on the island. I already told you that we had been there for 80 days before we were rescued. Claire…she a couple days before we were rescued. Claire disappeared."

"What do you mean she disappeared?" Lucy asked.

"She left Aaron in the middle of the jungle," she continued. "Sawyer found him. He-he gave him to me to take care of. I mean-I wasn't even going to keep him, but then…the island disappeared and Jack had jumped from the helicopter. We had lost so much. If-if I had to lose Aaron too-but I did. I lost him today."

"Kate, you're not making much sense," Lucy said. "I mean…I understand-I don't, but I do understand that Aaron's not yours, but what do you mean you lost him?"

"Today," she whispered. "I went to the supermarket and I lost him. I just looked away for a second and he was gone. I thought someone took him-"

"Someone did take him," she replied. "You did."

"N-Lucy," Kate shook her head. "Claire was gone. What was I supposed to do?"

"Maybe Claire had family who could take care of him," Lucy shrugged. "I mean…maybe he could have been raised by his family. I know you were just trying to hold on to something. Maybe you were just trying to hold on to that island."

Kate smiled weakly and nodded.

"Do you mind if I-" Kate began.

"Take the room upstairs," Lucy nodded. Kate got up and went to get Aaron. She picked him up carefully and without waking him up. She took him upstairs and laid down on the bed with Aaron.

Later that day Kate went to the same hotel that Carole was staying at. She let Aaron watch TV and they ate in the hotel. They stayed there all day. Aaron was excited to hang out with Kate all day with no interruptions.

"Mommy I love you," Aaron said wrapping his arms around her. She kissed him and smiled.

"I'll be right back buddy," she whispered. "Stay here ok?"

She got up off the bed and walked into the bathroom. She shut the door behind her and covered her mouth with her hand. She let out a soft sob and sat down on the side of the bathtub. She sat and cried, and then slid onto the floor. She was sobbing hard, but trying not to let Aaron hear her. She breathed in deeply and walked back out into the bedroom area.

Aaron fell asleep in the bed. She didn't want to leave him by himself, but she was going to leave him in the locked hotel room. She went 2 doors down to Carole's room and knocked on the door.

Seeing Carole's expression, Kate knew that she wasn't happy with her. She felt guilty for keeping Aaron from his real family, but she was hoping that she could redeem everything wrong she did, by getting Claire back.

The drive to Sawyer's apartment seemed a lot longer than usual. When she got there, she noticed that his car wasn't there. She let herself into his apartment. She still had the key because she never had the chance to give it back to him. She went into his room and flopped down on the bed. She let herself cry, but only for a few minutes. Then she pushed all of her emotions from her. When she heard the apartment door open she didn't move. He came into the bedroom and saw her laying on the bed, not moving.

"Kate?" he asked. "Kate!"

He quickly went toward her and she moved.

"Kate!" he said again. She rolled toward him silently and with a frown. "Jesus, I thought you were-"

"Are you still going back to the island?" she asked.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Yeah. We're leaving tomorrow. What's going on Kate-"

"I want to come with you," she interrupted.

"Why?" he asked.

"You don't want me to?" she asked. "I thought we all had to go back. Fine if you don't-"

"Kate," he shook his head and stopped her. "Yeah…I want you to. What changed your mind? Why are you all the sudden sitting here in my bed?"

"I don't want to talk," she shook her head and leaned toward him. He put his hand up to stop her.

"What happened?" he asked. "Where's Aaron?"

"If you love me James, and if you want me to come with you, then you won't ask me that ever again," she said.

"Kate-" he began and she pressed her lips to his. He kissed her back, but then backed away. "Kate, just tell me what's going on."

"James," she whispered. "Don't make me-just-please. Make it all stop. Just kiss me. Please. Please."

He ran his hand over her cheek and wiped her tears away. He leaned forward and kissed her slowly. She leaned back, but then sat up and pulled his shirt off he laid them down and ran his hands over her hips. She breathed in deeply and reached between them. She unbuttoned her pants and pulled them down quickly. Then she immediately went for his pants.

"Slow down," he said. She didn't seem to hear him and just went faster. She started pulling his pants down and he stopped her. "Kate, stop. Just-"

"Stop talking," she replied.

"Freckles," he said softly. He ran the back of his hand over her cheek and shook his head. "You know that whatever happened, you can tell me-"

"Just don't," she interrupted and sobbed. "Don't make me-"

"I won't make you do anything," he answered. "But-you know you can talk to me right?"

"I'm so sick of talking James," she closed her eyes and sighed softly. She opened her eyes again and looked at him. She took a deep breath and quickly went back to kissing him. He kissed her back and she went quicker. She pulled his pants and boxers down and then pulled her on top of her. She gasped softly, even though she was the one who was doing everything. He put a hand on either side of her head. He was hovering above her. He looked down at her and ran his hand over her forehead.

He pushed down into her and she moaned loudly. He breathed into her ear and kissed her lips. She was emotionless, which worried him. As he kissed her, he nibbled softly on her lip, trying to get her to have a response, but not succeeding. When he rolled off of her, she rolled away from him and curled up on the edge of the bed. He rolled toward her and put an arm around her. She didn't move at all. He almost wished that she would push him away so that he knew that she was alright, but instead she lay motionless next to him. She didn't sleep. Sawyer knew that something was wrong. He knew that whatever had just happened between the two of them wasn't going to mean anything in the morning. He knew that Kate's behavior meant that she was broken. He knew something happened with Aaron. He never actually promised Kate that he wouldn't ask about Aaron, but he didn't want to upset her further so he kept his mouth shut. Sawyer fell asleep before Kate did, but eventually she fell asleep too.

In the morning they would have an awkward conversation.

**A/N: I borrowed the idea of Sawyer not wanting Kate to be part of Clementine's life, from Gilmore Girls. I don't own anything. Please review!!**


	2. Chapter 2

When Kate woke up the bed was empty. It made her feel lonely and stupid for her actions the night before. She got up and went into the kitchen. Sawyer was making a pot of coffee. He shoved the coffee pot into the maker and then got to cups down. He set them down loudly. One of the mugs was teetering on the edge of the counter and it smashed to the floor.

"Son of a bitch," he murmured. Kate sat down at the kitchen table and let out a soft breath. Sawyer silently cleaned up the broken coffee mug and took a new one out of the cupboard. Then he stopped moving and looked at her.

"Guess I should ask you if you want any before I dirty a cup," he mumbled badly.

"What?" she asked.

"You want some?" he said shortly.

"Sure," she nodded.

"It'll be ready in a minute," he mumbled. He sat down next to her and looked at her. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"No," she answered. "You promised that-"

"I didn't promise you nothin', so don't even try that," he interrupted.

"Are you mad?" she whispered.

"Only at myself," he replied. He heard the coffee maker hiss, signaling it was finished. He stood up, and nearly knocked his chair over as he moved. He poured two cups and handed her one of them. He put the cream and sugar on the table in front of Kate and sat down. Kate didn't move to put anything in her coffee. Sawyer always drank his black, but this morning he reached for the sugar. Kate watched him interestedly.

"I didn't really feel like making you my special blend," he told her. He put a tiny amount of sugar in his own cup and handed the bowl to Kate.

"James," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

"No you're not," he chuckled. She scoffed, but he continued before she could protest. "You wanted to feel better. That's fine Kate, but do you wanna tell me what the hell is going on? Just tell me what happened Kate. You owe me that."

She stared at him blankly, and then stood up. He quickly stopped her and stood in her way.

"I don't want to do this," she whispered.

"Well that's too damn bad," he replied. "You gave up all your rights when you crawled into my bed last night Kate. I didn't ask for it…and I didn't deserve it."

"You're right," she closed her eyes. "Sawyer, I'm so-"

"Don't tell me you're sorry," he shook his head. "Just tell me what the hell happened to make you do it. I mean…the last time you acted that way was when you saw Jack and Juliet eating together…but even then at least you were fun. Last night you didn't even move. You barely even moaned. You were like this cold dead-"

"Bitch?" she asked.

"I didn't say that," he answered. He sat back down and took a deep gulp of his coffee. "If you don't want to tell me fine."

"I gave him to his grandma," she told him softly. "I knew that he wasn't mine-I knew that I had to give him to his real family."

"Kate," he began and touched her hand softly. She pulled her hand away and started walking away.

"I have to go," she said.

"See you at the airport then," he replied.

On the plane Sawyer was sitting a few rows back from Kate. She didn't look happy. She didn't act like she wanted to go back at all. He stood up and sat down next to her.

"I thought you were mad at me," she said somewhat blankly.

"Told ya," he sighed. "Only at myself. I know how your mind works Kate. When you want something-you'll get it. Maybe I shouldn't have let you use me…but I didn't care. I thought maybe a small part of you actually wanted me and not just to feel better."

"James," she closed her eyes and shook her head. "I already said I was sorry. What else do you want?"

"You didn't have to get on this plane Freckles," he told her.

"What?" she asked.

"You didn't have to come with us," he said. "So if you're miserable, you can't blame it on me."

"I'm not miserable," she replied.

"Yes you are," he nodded.

"But it's not because I'm on this plane," she turned toward him. Sawyer nodded and then stood up and walked back to his seat.

The plane shook, they all grabbed on to the arms of their seats. Sawyer was beginning to think that it wasn't such a good idea. The plane was flooded with light and he passed out.

When he woke up he was laying in the jungle. He looked around him and gasped softly.

"It worked," he whispered to himself.

"Sawyer!" he heard Hurley yelling. "Anyone!"

He got up and started running toward the noise. He recognized the rushing of water. He knew that he was near the waterfall. He came through the clearing and saw the waterfall. Kate was laying on one of the rocks, unconscious. Hurley was hanging on to his guitar case.

"Hugo, just kick your legs!" he exclaimed. He ran into the water and helped Hurley to the side, and then he swam toward Kate. He cupped her face. "Freckles. Come on, Freckles, open your eyes. Please. Please open your eyes. I'm not the doc-"

She coughed up water and groaned softly and started sitting up.

"Whoa, not so fast," Sawyer said. "I think you hit your head."

"Yeah," she whispered. She sat up the rest of the way and touched her head. She moaned again. "I can't believe we made it back."

"Me neither," he said.

They were sitting next to each other in the dharma van. Kate kept looking at him, and then looking away. He knew that she was feeling guilty. He was almost glad that she felt guilty. He was wondering why Jin was dressed up like a dharma worker.

"So Jin, what gives?" Sawyer asked.

"What do you mean?" he replied.

"What's up with the dharma van?" he said.

"Oh," Jin began. "I don't-I don't know what to tell you."

"How about the truth?" Kate said. Jin stopped the van and looked back at them.

"We're here," he answered. Sawyer looked out of the front windshield and saw Jack standing by his Jeep. He looked over at Kate. Kate shifted slightly in her seat and they all got out of the van.

When Jack saw him, he seemed just as surprised to see them as they were to see him. Hurley stepped ahead of Sawyer and Kate. He hugged Jack, and Jack chuckled softly. Sawyer stepped forward and hugged him too. Then it was Kate's turn. She hesitated slightly and then wrapped her arms around him.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," he half chuckled. "Wow. How did you guys-"

"Locke came to us," Sawyer said. "He told us that you needed us to come back to stop-"

"Well where is he?" Jack asked.

"Um-he died," Kate chimed in.

"What?" Jack said. "Wow."

"Are you going to tell us what's going on?" Sawyer asked. "Like why ya'll are in dharma garb?"

"You didn't tell them?" Jack asked Jin.

"I thought I should wait for you," Jin answered.

"Someone tell us," Sawyer murmured.

"We're in 1977."

"What?" Sawyer asked.

"We're-" Jack began.

"Yeah," Sawyer interrupted. "I heard you. We're in 1977?"

"Yep," Jin replied. "I think we should bring them in."

"No," Jack shook his head. "I have to go home first. I gotta-I have to figure it out."

"What do you mean no?" Sawyer asked. "You're just gonna leave us in the middle of the jungle to start all over?"

"No," Jack sighed. "Of course not. But we can't just bring you in-"

"The new recruits," Jin interrupted. "They're arriving today. Juliet can-well she can add them to the list."

"OK," Jack nodded. "Yeah. Um. Stay here. I'll be back to get them."

Kate looked over at Sawyer and moved back and forth on her heels.

Jack quickly drove back to the village. He ran into the house and into the bedroom. Juliet was gone. He didn't notice at first. He just started gathering clothes for Sawyer, Kate, and Hurley. Juliet came into the room and stopped him.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"They're back," he breathed. "Can you believe it? They're back."

"Um-who's back?" she asked.

"Sawyer," he replied. "Hurley…Kate. They're back. I mean…that's who called today. Jin. He told me they were back, and I could barely believe it, but then I saw them and-God. Juliet, they're back. They came back-"

"You don't say?" she murmured.

"I gotta go take care of some things," he said. "I have to make sure nothing happens them."

"I'll take care of the list," she whispered and started getting up.

"Thanks," he nodded. "Better get to it. Before they get caught."

They were all separated when they got to the village. Sawyer knew that they weren't supposed to know each other. When they brought in Sayid, Sawyer wondered what was going to happen to him. He went outside and was standing near Kate's house. He saw her sitting on the porch by herself. He walked toward her first and sat down next to her.

"I promised him Sawyer," she whispered.

"Promised who, what?" he asked softly.

"Aaron," she murmured. "I promised Aaron that I would never leave him again. When I got out of jail…I promised him-"

"Kate," he began. "You were trying to do the right thing."

"I know," she mumbled. "Y'know we're not supposed to be talking. We're not supposed to know each other."

"We sat next to each other in the Dharma van," he replied. "Real bonding experience."

Kate couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle.

"What are you doing over here anyway?" she asked.

"I wanted to go talk to Jack," he answered.

"You're not going to start anything are you?" she said.

"No," he answered. "I just want to know what he's going to do about Sayid. Sayid is in some deep crap-"

"Jack will figure it out," she replied.

"Oh yeah," he scoffed. "I forgot. Jack will fix everything. Mr. Fix-It. He always makes everything in our lives so much easier, doesn't he Kate?"

"Shut up," she shook her head, this time getting mad.

"All I'm saying," he sighed. "Is that…when Jack was in charge of our beach camp…not everything was always completely perfect Kate. He made a lot of mistakes."

"Leave him alone," she whispered.

"Goodnight Freckles," he murmured. He stood up and walked down the lawn. A random Dharma worker was making rounds and bumped into him.

"Oh," he said. "You're new. What was your name?"

"James," Sawyer replied.

"Right," he nodded. "James. Can I help you with anything?"

"Actually," Sawyer began. "I was looking for Jack."

"Oh, your new boss?" he asked. "I mean…you are a workman right?"

"Yeah," Sawyer murmured.

"Well Jack is the head of the workmen," he replied.

"Oh," Sawyer nodded. "Top Janitor?"

"Well, he's like the island handyman," the man continued. "He does most of the repairs, all over the place."

"I see," Sawyer answered.

"Actually, we need a new security detail person," he said. "You could guard our new prisoner. I mean…you seem like you could handle your own."

"Yeah," Sawyer responded. "I probably could."

"Or would you rather handle the janitor job?" he asked.

"Anything but that," Sawyer chuckled.

"Ok, I'll reassign you tomorrow," he answered. "Do you still need to talk to Jack?"

"Actually yeah," he nodded.

"Ok, right down there," the man replied and pointed. Sawyer walked toward Jack's house. He took a deep breath before knocking on the door. Juliet came to the door.

"James," she said, slightly shocked.

"Hi," he replied. "I must have the wrong house. I was looking for Jack."

"Oh," Juliet nodded. "No…you're not wrong. It's good to see you James. I'm glad you're ok."

She stepped toward him and gave him an awkward hug. He backed away and looked at her somewhat confused. He saw Jack, starting to stand up from the kitchen table. He saw that Jack tensed from the simple hug he had just gotten from Juliet. Juliet looked at Sawyer and then back to Jack.

"I guess I'll let the two of you talk," she said softly. She walked down the hallway and looked back at Jack. Jack sat back down at his spot at the kitchen table.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Hello to you too," Sawyer answered.

"Sorry," he said. "I'm trying to fix your screw up."

"What?" Sawyer scoffed. "My screw up?"

"Sayid never should have gotten caught. What was he doing in the middle of the jungle?" Jack asked.

"How the hell should I know doc?" Sawyer said. "I was a little busy being unconscious and then helping Kate!"

"Ok," Jack sighed. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. This is just a little...it's just…this kinda complicates things. Everyone thinks that Sayid is a hostel. We're supposed to have a truce with them, and if anyone breaks that truce, it's sort of free reign on what we can do."

"Well I thought that they were supposed to be the good guys," he stated. "I mean…you wouldn't be on the enemies side, would you doc?"

"Please," Jack scoffed. "You don't know anything about living here Sawyer. You don't know what these people are capable of. I've been here for 3 years, so I'm going to call the shots."

"What else is new?" Sawyer murmured, but was plenty loud enough for Jack to hear.

"I saved your ass today, so don't give me that," Jack said.

"Yeah," he replied. "Thanks. Thanks for saving us Jack. But don't do anything stupid, to get Sayid killed, because as memory serves, a lot of that happened on your watch."

"I don't need you to talk to me like that, in my house."

"Tomorrow I'm going to be guarding Sayid," Sawyer said. "I'll let him go. I'll say that he over took me and got away."

"There's cameras," Jack told him.

"Fine" he nodded. "Then I'll really make it look like he escaped."

"Don't worry," he smiled. "I've got it covered Sawyer. Just go back home, and let me deal with the logistics. I don't want you trying to set Sayid free."

"Suit yourself," Sawyer answered, and left the house. He shut the door somewhat loudly. Jack sighed deeply and shook his head. Juliet came up behind him and put her arms around his shoulders.

"He doesn't trust me," Jack scoffed. "He thinks I'm going to let something happen to Sayid."

"Jack," she started. "He's just been thrown back to the year 1977. Put yourself in his shoes. What would you do? Would you trust Sawyer with every decision?"

"I don't know," he murmured.

"Just give him some time," she said.

"Yeah," he whispered.

"Come on," she began. "Come to bed."

"I still have to finish some things up," he sighed. She wrapped her arms around his shoulder and kissed his cheek.

"Ok," she whispered. "But don't stay up too late."

He chuckled softly and watched her walk down the hallway, back to the bedroom.

Sawyer left the house and saw Kate still sitting on her porch. He hesitated and then walked toward her. She sat up slightly when she saw him coming toward her. She stood up and looked at him.

"Did you see Jack?" she asked.

"Yeah," he murmured. "Apparently he's working on it, and he doesn't need our help."

"Give him a break James," she sighed. "I mean we literally fell from the sky. Did you expect him to know exactly what to do?"

"No," he sighed. "Not exactly, but-I just don't know what we're expected to do."

"I think we're expected to do the jobs that are assigned to us and shut up about it," she murmured.

"What are you so sad for?" he replied. "What do you have to complain about? You get to play with cars all day."

"You want my job?" she asked.

"Not really," he shrugged. "They just promoted me to security detail. I get to guard Sayid. I was going to help Jack break him out, but Jack doesn't want me to do anything."

"Why not?!" she exclaimed. "It would be the perfect chance."

"I know," he whispered. "Anyway…I better go. Y'know…just wanted to say goodnight."

"Goodnight Sawyer," she said.

When Jack woke up, Juliet was gone. He could smell breakfast in the kitchen. He quickly got dressed in his Dharma uniform and walked into the living room. Juliet was looking out of the window, and she looked worried. He walked toward her and stopped in front of her.

"Morning," he said.

"Hey," she whispered and sighed softly.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"This is done, isn't it?" she asked.

"What?" he questioned. "Is what done?"

"All of this," she sighed. "Dharma life. Us-"

"Hey," he shook his head. "I don't know what's going to happen, but-maybe this is our chance to get the hell off this island. I mean…they're back. They're ok. And we can leave and-"

"What do you mean we can leave?" she asked. "We can't-"

"The sub is here," he said with a smile. "Why don't we just get on it? We can go the hell home."

"Jac-" she began, and then the door opened.

"Jack, we have a problem," Horace said.

"Are the toilets flooded again?" Jack asked.

"Hey," he scoffed. "Don't use that tone with me Jack."

"You gave the security to the new guy?" he asked.

"Look," Horace began. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. The prisoner-"

"Escaped?" Jack interrupted.

"No," he shook his head. "He's been talking to the kid."

"So?" he questioned. "Who cares?"

"You know that if anything happens to Ben-" Horace began.

"No one will care," Jack answered. Juliet kicked him softly enough for Horace not to notice, but hard enough for him to look back at her. "Ok…fine. We'll care, but-do you really think that he's going to do anything to Ben from behind bars?"

"Ben has always been interested in the Hostiles," he replied. "You know that. Why don't you have a talk to Ben and maybe his father too."

"So now I'm also the island therapist?" Jack asked.

"Well, you've always wanted to try your hand at medical," Horace answered.

* * *

Sawyer sat down in the mess hall, next to Kate and across from Hurley.

"Glad they gave us a uniform," he said. "I'll never have to decide what I'm going to wear in the morning."

Kate laughed softly and shook her head.

"What do you think Freckles?" he asked. "Is it flattering?"

"I don't think anyone can look good in a one piece jumpsuit," she laughed again.

"You tellin' me to take it off?" he smirked.

"How do you do that?" she asked.

"How do I do what?" he said softly. Hurley was quiet, and watched the conversation.

"You go from fighting with me yesterday, to joking with me and making me smile at your stupid jokes," she whispered.

"Oh," he nodded.

"You've always been able to do that," she stated.

"Well-never mind," he said.

"So-uh…Sawyer," Hurley began. "You saw Jack last night?"

"Yeah, but he didn't tell me anything," he shrugged. "He didn't even want my help."

"Maybe Juliet could," Kate offered. "I mean-I could talk to her. If you tell her your idea Sawyer, maybe she would…y'know."

"Well why would she tell you anything, if Jack didn't," Hurley said.

"What do you mean?" Kate asked.

"They're together," Hurley replied. "Y'know. Together together…like you guys were."

Sawyer looked at Kate and then back at Hurley. Hurley started talking again, and Sawyer kicked him, under the table.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, a little louder than necessary. "What was that for-"

Sawyer glared at him and then looked at Kate, without her noticing.

"Oh," Hurley nodded. "Uh…I gotta go back to work."

Hurley got up and left the table quickly.

"You knew?" Kate whispered.

"Yeah," he nodded. "She came to the door last night."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered.

"Because," he sighed and looked toward her. "I didn't want to see that look in your eyes. That heartbroken-I couldn't stand to hurt you anymore than I already have."

"James," she said softly. "I'm not a piece of crystal, you know? I'm not going to break. In case you haven't noticed, I'm kinda tough."

"I noticed," he half chuckled. "But I know how you are Freckles. I know what Jack being with someone else could do to you."

"I was with someone else too," she reminded him. "He should be happy. I'm glad he's happy."

"Ok," Sawyer answered with a nod. "See you around Freckles."

He got up from the table, and Kate watched him leave.

_**A/N: Please more reviews!!!**_


	3. Chapter 3

Kate was standing in the motor pool. Juliet was walking around assigning tasks. Kate was waiting for her own task, and knew that it might be an uncomfortable situation. Juliet walked toward her and smirked.

"So," she chuckled. "You don't know the first thing about what we do here do you?"

"Not really," Kate laughed too, lightening the mood significantly.

"I wasn't too thrilled with my job placement here at first either," she answered. "But you'll catch on quick."

"Um-" Kate started and looked at her feet.

"You know. You know about me and Jack," Juliet interrupted. "Sawyer-"

"Hurley," Kate replied.

"I'm actually kind of glad that he's the one who told you," Juliet said. "I mean…eventually you would have found out…you might have seen us, which would have been a little awkward. And-I didn't want to tell you because anything I said would have sounded like I wanted you to stay away from him."

"It's fine," Kate shook her head.

Sawyer walked with Sayid with the other Dharma workers. He looked over at Kate and Juliet. Kate breathed in deeply and took one step toward Sawyer, and then stopped herself. She went back towards her own work.

Sawyer and Sayid were left alone in the room. Sayid was behind the bars. Sawyer shook his head and sighed."You alright?" he asked.

"I'm just fine Sawyer," Sayid nodded. "So what is the plan?"

"I dunno," Sawyer murmured. "I thought it would be a good idea to have you attack me, take my keys, and then escaped, but apparently Jack doesn't like that idea."

"Neither do I," Sayid said.

"What?" Sawyer scoffed. "Are you people insane? I mean…Jack's been brainwashed by living here for 3 years, but what the hell is wrong with you?"

"I just think that we should figure some things out first," he replied. "Just see how these people work."

"Easy…I'll go ask Jack…or maybe Kate can ask Juliet. Like they'll say anything to us anyway," Sawyer sighed.

"Hey, um-sorry I don't know your name," a voice said behind him. Sawyer turned around and came face to face with a young Ben. Sawyer knew immediately who it was.

"I-uh…James," he replied.

"I brought a sandwich," Ben said. "Can I-Radzinsky said that you should take a break for lunch."

Sawyer furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Ben. He hesitated, but then decided that he would leave, and give Sayid a chance to talk to young Ben, and possibly find something out.

"You're here for me aren't you?" Ben asked softly, when he knew that Sawyer couldn't hear him.

"What?" Sayid asked.

"Well, you're one of them right?" Ben continued. "I know all about what you do. Richard said that he would send someone to get me. So you're here to get me right? I hate it here. I hate everything. Please…take me with you."

That night Sawyer was in his house. He had spent most of the day sitting by Sayid's cage with a book. When he had returned from his lunch break, Sayid had gotten even more quiet than usual. Sawyer put his book down and got up. He was bored. He walked across the lawns to Kate's house and knocked on the door. She came to the door and furrowed her eyebrows.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he murmured. "Can I-"

"Yeah," she smiled and moved out of the way so Sawyer could come in. He sighed and looked around her house.

"Cookie cutter houses," he said.

"What?" she asked. "Sawyer-"

"I'm sorry about Jack," he sighed.

"Huh?" she shook her head. "You're not making any sense."

"Cookie cutter houses means that your house is exactly the same as mine," he said. "And I'm sorry about Jack and Juliet."

"I already told you," she whispered. "I'm happy for him. He should be happy. I didn't expect him to wait for me. I didn't wait for him."

"I don't know why I came here," he sighed. "I'm gonna-"

"Don't leave," she stated. "Please. Please, don't-"

"Ok," he interrupted.

They sat down on the couch silently. Neither of them said anything for a long time.

"It's kinda nice huh?" Sawyer asked.

"What?" she asked.

"Just sitting," he whispered. "Just sitting here. Not being alone."

"Yeah," she nodded. "Yeah. You're right. Will you stay?"

"What?" he asked.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" she whispered.

"I'll stay on the couch Kate," he answered. "I just can't-"

"Ok," she said. "That's enough."

Sawyer was laying on the couch. The couch wasn't very comfortable, but he didn't want to complain. He was shifting as much as he could on the couch. He got up to go to the bathroom. Kate was walking down the hall at the same time and she chuckled when she bumped into him.

"Great minds think alike," she said.

"I think it's more to do with a bladder thing," he replied.

"Oh, I thought you were-" she began and then shook her head. "Never mind."

She quickly walked back to her bedroom and shut the door. Sawyer closed his eyes and sighed softly. He went into the bathroom, and then came back out. He walked toward Kate's bedroom door and listened at the door.

"Great job Kate," he heard her say to herself. He knocked on the door, softly and then opened the door. Kate sat up quickly and then started getting out of the bed. Sawyer put his hand up and shook his head. She settled back down, but stayed sitting up. He walked toward her and sat down next to her.

"I'm an idiot," she whispered. He shook his head again and shushed her. "Maybe you should just go back home Sawyer-"

He leaned toward her and kissed her lips.

"Shut up Freckles," he said. He kissed her again and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She stopped and looked at him.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked.

"No," he replied. He leaned back toward her and kissed her deeper. She moaned softly and laid down. She quickly started to shimmy out of her underwear. He looked at her a little shocked and she moaned again.

"I'm ready," she whispered. "I've been touching myself all night."

He groaned at her and continued to kiss her. She pulled his boxers down and he lowered down. She tossed her head back. She moaned again and he went faster. She breathed and tried to kiss him, but he moved his face away from hers. He went even faster and harder. She moaned and sighed.

"Slow down," she said. He didn't seem to hear her. She moaned loudly, and didn't protest. He continued to move faster.

"Kate," he moaned into her ear.

"I'm so hot," she said.

"I'm gonna come," he whispered. She grabbed on to his back and shook underneath him. They were both out of breath. Sawyer had his arm still around Kate's shoulder, but he quickly let go of her. She looked at him. She put her arms around him and put her face against his chest.

"Sawyer," she breathed. "That was-oh my God."

"Hmm," he chuckled softly and put his arm around her. He rubbed her back gently and she kissed him softly.

"I want you Sawyer," she whispered.

"I want you too," he told her. "So let's just keep-let's just keep wanting each other. No point on being alone when we can be together. Any time we want it…we can have it."

"Sex?" she asked softly. "Just sex."

"Why not?" he said. "I mean…we already know how to make each other scream. I know just what to say to you, to leave you wanting more."

"Fuck buddies doesn't work," she told him.

"It worked for us just fine 3 years ago," he replied.

"3 years ago," she scoffed. "That was not just fucking- you said you loved me. In the cages, that wasn't fucking Sawyer and you know it."

"What was it when you came into my tent after you saw Jack and Juliet eating dinner?" he asked. "And how about the next day when I told you that you didn't have to use me, and you crawled into my tent again because you knew I wouldn't say no? It was fucking Kate. It's better if we both just-"

"Get out," she said. "I want you to leave."

"Do you?" he asked, and he rolled over and held her shoulders down.

"Yes," she nodded. He kissed her neck and sucked gently. He moved down her body and she pushed him away. "Leave."

"You're gonna miss my mouth," he told her. He lowered back down and continued to kiss her down her body.

"Don't," she said. "I don't-oh God."

He licked her down her stomach and didn't stop. He put his mouth over the inside of her thigh. She breathed in sharply and he looked up at her.

"I'm going to put my tongue into you and taste you, just one last time," he told her. He lowered back down and first started with light kisses. She moaned softly. He kept kissing softly, but didn't use his tongue. He licked gently and she gasped, not expecting it. He continued to pleasure her and make her gasp and moan differently. She started begging him for more and he willingly continued. When she came, he stopped and moved back up.

"Good night," he whispered.

"No," she shook her head and looked at him.

"No, what?" he asked.

"I don't want you to leave James," she whispered.

"Will you make up your mind?" he asked. "You asked me to leave Kate-"

"Don't leave," she interrupted. "I don't want you to leave."

"I thought you liked to sleep alone," he said, reaching out and moving her hair out of her face.

"We used to sleep with each other all the time," she whispered. "And I'm not talking about sex."

"But that was when we were living together and when we were engaged," he replied. She sighed softly and rolled over.

"If you want to leave, I'm not going to stop you," she said. He started leaving the bed, but then rolled back toward her and put his arm around her. She ran her hands over his arm and stayed where she was.

In the morning they woke up and went outside. They had missed something big, because there were people running around. Kate saw the house that was in ruins. She looked over at Sawyer.

"What the hell did we miss?" she asked.

Sawyer walked down the steps quickly and over to Jack, who was standing with his arms crossed, looking at the debris.

"What happened?" Sawyer asked.

"Where were you two last night?" Jack questioned.

"I dunno about Kate," he shrugged. "But I was dead asleep. Must have been that traveling back in time thing."

"I was exhausted," Kate whispered.

"Jack!" Horace exclaimed. "They found Ben. He's hurt. It's bad."

Kate looked at Sawyer and then back at Jack.

"Where were you last night James?" Horace asked. "You were supposed to be guarding the prisoner. He escaped and shot Ben."

"What?" Sawyer asked. "So now it's my fault? I didn't know I was supposed to watch him all night."

"No one is blaming you, but Ben's father will want to find the person responsible."

* * *

Kate was waiting outside for more information about Ben. Juliet was accessing the damage. She came out and looked at Kate.

"It's bad," she whispered. "I need to go get Jack."

"I'll go," Kate replied. "You can stay here with Roger."

Kate quickly went to Jack's house and knocked, but opened the door before he could answer. Jack was sitting, talking to Hurley and Sawyer.

"Jack," Kate began. "We need you. Ben's-Juliet said it was bad. You need to save him."

"He is the reason that we're stuck here," Jack said. "It's his fault-"

"It's not his fault that our plane crashed," Kate interrupted. "And right now…he's only a kid Jack. Come on."

Jack sighed softly and then stood up and followed Kate out of the house. They went across the lawns back to the infirmary. Jack went into the room and looked at Juliet.

"It's bad," she whispered.

"How bad?" he asked.

"I don't know what to do Jack," she replied.

"And what if I can't help him either?" he asked.

"Well, then-" she sighed. "I really don't know."

Jack started working. He didn't seem to be getting anywhere. Kate was sitting next to Roger, as Jack and Juliet worked.

"Jack will save him," Kate said softly.

"And how do you know that?" Roger asked. "You don't know anything about him. I don't even know what kind of doctor he is. He could-"

"I have faith," she interrupted.

"But you barely know the guy. You just met him last night," he argued.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I just have this feeling that your son will be just fine."

Suddenly the machines started beeping faster. Jack looked up and looked at Kate.

"Get him out of here," Jack said. Juliet and Kate both had to force Roger from the room. Kate sat down on the porch and looked across the lawns. Sawyer was sitting on his porch. Kate watched as a little redheaded girl walked toward him and sat down.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," Sawyer said, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I'm Charlotte," she stated.

"James," he replied. "What do you want?"

"My mommy said I should say hi," she answered with a frown.

"Sorry," he said softly. "I'm just a little busy."

"You talk funny," she giggled.

"I'm from the south," he told her. She giggled again and then ran toward her mom. Sawyer sighed softly and then looked across to where Kate was sitting. He got up and went to her. He sat down next to her and sighed.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Ben gonna be ok?" he asked.

"I don't really know," she whispered. "I had to leave the room. Jack and Juliet are working on him."

Juliet came out of the house and Jack kept walking. Kate and Sawyer both stood up and looked at Juliet.

"He's going to die," Juliet shook her head. "Unless-I have an idea. Why didn't I think of it before…they can help us."

"They?" Kate asked.

"The Others," she answered.

Sawyer and Kate put Ben into the van. Kate looked back at Juliet and sighed softly.

"Ok, you stay here," Kate said.

"No," Juliet shook her head. "I should go with you."

"Juliet," Kate began. "Do you know what Jack will do to me if you come with me? You need to stay here and hold down the fort."

"I'll go with you," Sawyer offered.

"No," Kate shook her head. "I think you should stay here James."

"Why, so that you can get yourself killed?" he asked. "I'm coming with you Kate."

"No, you're not," she argued.

Sawyer got into the van and shut the door.

"Kate, there's really not much more time to argue with him," Juliet told her. "And I have to tell Jack…when people realize that Ben is gone, I'm gonna have to tell him where you went."

"Ok," Kate nodded. She quickly got into the van and drove off. She was quiet as she drove to the fence. Sawyer watched her and finally spoke.

"Why are you doing this Kate?" he asked. "Why are you saving Ben?"

"Because he's a kid James," she answered. "He's only 12 years old-"

"Aaron," he whispered.

"What?" she asked.

"You're doing this for Aaron-"

"I'm doing this because I can't let a kid die Sawyer," she interrupted. "It has nothing to do with Aaron. And why are you here Sawyer? You didn't have to be here."

"Because," he sighed. Kate was waiting for him to continue, but he didn't. She looked over at him, and he took her hand gently. She came to the fence and stopped the van. They both quickly got out of the van and Sawyer opened the van door. He carefully picked up Ben and headed to the fence.

"Did you get a code?" he asked.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Stop!" they both heard Jack exclaim behind them. Sawyer looked around at Jack, but didn't put Ben down.

"I know you have to stop us Jack, but before-"

"I'm not here to stop you," Jack said. "Juliet told me-she convinced me that this is what we should do."

"Ok then," Sawyer stated and turned back toward the fence. "Go ahead Freckles."

"I'm only taking one of you with me," Jack stated. "You don't understand these people. If we go into their property, they have every right to kill us. So only one of you. Kate…go back-"

"Excuse me?" Kate asked. "Hell no. If you're going, then I'm going."

"Kate, I think he's right," Sawyer said softly. "I'm sorry. I just-"

"No!" Kate exclaimed. "Sawyer-"

"Give me Ben," Jack interrupted. He took Ben and started walking through the fence and toward the jungle. Kate looked as if she might cry. Sawyer shook his head and started walking in the opposite direction. Kate was free to go with Jack. She turned back toward Jack, who she could hardly see anymore. She ran after Jack and caught up with him.

"Wait!" she exclaimed. Jack slowed down slightly, to let Kate catch up with him. They walked in silence for a long time. Kate felt slightly awkward. She hadn't seen Jack in 3 years. He had changed a lot. He was rougher, but at the same time, Kate knew that his relationship with Juliet had changed him and made him softer about other things.

"Here, let's rest for a second," Jack whispered. He set Ben down and looked up at Kate.

"This is what is going to turn Ben, into Ben right?" Kate asked.

"Yeah," he murmured. "I don't understand this Kate. Why are you back here? I mean how-"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "One second we were up in a plane, and the next, we were in 1977."

"So-um," Jack sighed. "I saw Sawyer coming out of your house this morning. He said that he-"

"We were engaged," she told him.

"Were?" Jack asked.

"Things change Jack," she replied. "You of all people-"

"She took care of me," Jack said. "After I swam back to the island…after I found out that the freighter exploded. I knew I'd never see you again. It wasn't about thinking anything…I _knew_ it."

"Well, you were wrong," she said, half smiling.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Apparently."

"Do you love her?" Kate asked softly.

"She means everything," he answered. Kate smiled again and nodded.

"Freeze!" the voice behind them said.

"Whoa," Jack began. "It's ok."

"You're not supposed to be here," Richard said.

"Yeah," Jack sighed. "I know. But this kid here…he's gonna die. We need your help."

"What kind of help?" he asked.

"We need you to take him," Jack answered.

"Well," Richard sighed. "I can do that, but you realize that if I do…he will become one of us. He won't be an innocent kid anymore."

Kate looked at Jack. Her heart fluttered. She knew that as soon as Jack heard that Ben's innocence would be taken, he would have second thoughts. She hoped that he wouldn't change his mind. He looked at Kate and then nodded.

"Yeah," he said. "Take him."

"Ok," Richard stated. He carefully took Ben from Jack and disappeared through the trees. Kate looked at Jack, and he took her by the wrist gently and they walked back out through the trees. It seemed to take less time to get back to the dharma vans. Kate climbed into her van and looked out at Jack.

"What are we going to do when they find out that Ben's missing?" she asked.

"Well, I haven't really thought that far yet. First you need to get back to the barracks. Go find Juliet."

"Ok," she nodded. She drove back to the barracks.

It took Sawyer a while to get back to the village. When he got there, Juliet saw him first. She ran toward him as inconspicuously as she could.

"What are you doing?" she whispered. "Why are you back here?"

"Jack-o said he could only take one of us," he answered.

"And he let Kate go with him?" she asked softly.

"Not exactly," he replied. "I let Kate go. Jack wanted me to-doesn't matter. They're doing it. They'll be back soon."

"I guess now we wait," she said. "Do you want to-never mind it's stupid."

"Do I want what?" he asked.

"I was gonna ask you to keep me company," she murmured. "Just have a beer or something on my porch, but it's stupid."

"No it's not," he answered. "I'm bored. And I think I've probably been fired as security guard."

"Ok," she chuckled. She lead the way to her own house. Sawyer waited out on the porch and Juliet returned with two beers. She handed one to Sawyer and sat down next to him.

"Cheers," he said, raising his can, and drinking from it before Juliet could open hers.

"So where were you and Kate last night?" she asked.

"You noticed we were gone?" he questioned.

"A burning VW bus ran into a house and you two were no where to be found. Almost everyone ran out of their houses."

"Did anyone come try to find us?" he asked. "I mean…are we suspects?"

"No," she shook her head. "We just wondered."

"We were both sleeping," he answered.

"I don't really believe you," she chuckled. "I mean…I'm not Jack. My heart won't break if I find out you were-so were you?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Not that it's really any of your business. Yeah. We were together last night."

"You love her so much, don't you," Juliet whispered.

"Why?" he asked. "Why do you want to know?"

"I'm not asking you," she said. "I know. Y'know I just wish that Jack loved me the way you love Kate."

"Me and Kate," he sighed. "We're not anything anymore."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"We were engaged," he began. "We were together. And yes, I loved her. I still do. But when we broke our engagement everything just fell apart. All because of me."

"So you broke up, but now you're back together," Juliet said. "You're together now right?"

"Not exactly," he murmured.

"What?" she chuckled. "What do you mean? You just said-"

"I know what I said," he interrupted. "But-we're not together. We're just sleeping together…for now."

"Oh," Juliet nodded. "Who's idea was that?"

He smirked, but didn't say anything. He turned toward Juliet and sighed softly.

"What's up with you and Jack?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" she whispered.

"You know what I mean," he said. "I mean…you could be just having sex-"

"We're not roommates," she replied. "It's been 3 years."

"You've been together for 3 years?" he asked. "Since we left?"

"No," she shook her head. "Not all 3."

"You've had your eye on him ever since I've known ya," he said.

"Shut up," she shook her head and chuckled.

"What?" he asked. "Everyone knows it. Kate even knows it."

"Kate especially knows it," she agreed. Neither of them noticed the Dharma van was back. Sawyer hesitated and then reached out and touched her arm.

"Hey," he whispered. "Kate isn't going to take him from you."

"I know," she nodded. "But if Jack-if he wants her, I can't stop it."

"You can fight," Sawyer said. "Don't let him go."

"You can't hold on to something that was never there," Juliet replied.

"Listen to me," he began. "And you listen good. Are you listening?"

"I'm listening," she smirked.

"If Jack dumps you for Kate, then he doesn't deserve you at all," he began. "Not only that…but from what I can tell…he really does love you. And he never had Kate."

"You telling me that you weren't jealous as hell of Kate's affections for him?" she asked.

"I used to be," he answered. "But then I won. I was engaged to her."

"Yeah, but you lost her," Juliet reminded him.

"What are you two talking about?" Jack asked, coming toward them. Juliet quickly stood up and looked at Jack.

"Nothing," Sawyer said. "Just sharing a beer and swapping stories."

"Is it done?" Juliet asked

"Yep," Jack nodded. "I really hope that you know what you're doing."

"Well," she shrugged. "If it doesn't work, you're fully reserved to say 'I told you so'."

He walked up the step and took her hand gently. He squeezed it and then walked into the house. Sawyer looked at her, and patted her softly on the shoulder. Kate was standing at the bottom of the porch. She looked as if she was waiting for something. He stepped down the steps, two at a time and landed in front of her.

"So…what's up?" he said.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "Now we just wait for them to realize Ben is gone."

"Where's my son?!" Roger exclaimed, storming out of the infirmary.

"Here we go," Juliet said quietly. She ran down the steps and toward Roger. Roger was coming toward them.

"Where is he Juliet?" he asked.

"I don't know Roger," she answered. "I came home for just a few minutes. Is he missing?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "What is going on Juliet?!"

"Why are you yelling at her?" Sawyer asked. "She hasn't been there-"

"And if she had, maybe my son would still be here. I just want to know where he is."

"Just back off," he said. Juliet looked at him, gratefully. "I know you're worried about your kid. But taking it out on Juliet isn't going to find him quicker."

"Fine," Roger sighed. "But if I don't find him soon-"

He stopped mid-sentence and then stalked off. When he was gone, Juliet turned toward Sawyer.

"Thanks," Juliet sighed and smiled.

"Don't worry," Sawyer said. "I got your back."

"Well," she began. "I better do some damage control."

"Ok," he nodded.

Juliet walked back up to the house and shut the door. Kate looked at Sawyer, somewhat jealous. She started walking away, but he carefully grabbed her by the arm and pulled her closer.

"Sawyer," she gasped.

"Did that make you jealous?" he asked softly.

"No," she scoffed. "Why would it make me jealous?"

"I don't know," he answered. "The whole, me-flirting-with-another-girl thing."

"Were you flirting?" she asked.

"Did you think we were?" he asked.

"Sawyer, you're worse than a woman," she said. "Just tell me what it was then. Were you trying to flirt with her? Because if you were, I don't think it exactly worked, because she's with Jack."

"And that drives you crazy," he whispered.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked.

"Because I can," he told her. "So tonight?"

"No," she shook her head. "Don't bother."

Kate walked away and Sawyer smiled. She was almost to her house when she heard someone calling her name. It was a voice she recognized, but she wasn't sure who it was.

"Kate?" the voice asked. "You're name is Kate right?"

Roger was running toward her and stopped her before she went into the house. She turned toward him and nodded.

"Yeah," she said.

"Do you know what happened to my kid?" he asked.

"Why would I know?" she asked.

"Because you seem to know something Kate," he said. "Let me ask you something. Do you have kids?"

"No," she sighed.

"Well," he began. "Let me tell you something about having children. They are your entire world. You may not always appreciate them the way that you're supposed to, but everyone makes mistakes. If I could change things, I would. If I could stop some of what I have said to him or done to him-I would take it all back."

"Maybe he knows that," Kate said.

"Well you don't have kids," he answered. "I just want to know what happened to him."

"I'm sure that everything will work out," she whispered.

That night Kate was laying in bed. She heard a knock on her back door. The knock was persistent. She got up and answered the door. Jack was standing in front of her.

"Jack," she said, a little shocked.

"Hey," he whispered. "I'm sorry about earlier. Y'know…the stuff with Ben. Especially dragging you into it."

"I wanted to be involved Jack," she said. "You should know that about me by now."

"Yeah," he nodded. "But still. You shouldn't have been-you shouldn't have felt obligated. He's just a kid…I know, but after everything that adult put you through. Why would you-"

"Because he's a kid Jack," she answered. "It doesn't matter who he grew up to be. It's because of him that a lot of what we went through happened."

"Yeah I know," he nodded. "That's why I'm surprised that you would want to go through all that misery again. I mean…sure my life these past 3 years have been pretty great, but everything we went through on the island. And you had Aaron and then gave him up, and Sawyer…you broke up with him. It must have been hard to go through that."

"It wasn't that bad," she shook her head, sadly. "I mean…yeah…my relationship with Sawyer sort of-but…it wasn't all bad."

"Good," he smiled. "I'm gonna go back home, I just-I just wanted to see you. Say goodnight."

"Goodnight Jack," she smiled back. He left the house and she walked into the living room. She looked out of her window at Sawyer's house. She could see that there was a light on in his house. She was sure that it was the bedroom. She was surprised that he hadn't come over. Even though she told him not to, you couldn't always tell Sawyer what to do. Part of her even wanted him to come over. She continued to look at the house. The light in the room that she was staring at turned off. She got up and started walking back to her bedroom, but then turned back around and walked quickly out of her house and across the lawns. She was almost running, but not quite. She went to Sawyer's front door and opened the door. She was surprised to find that it was unlocked. She walked down the hall. The floor creaked when she was almost at his room. She tiptoed into the bedroom. Suddenly and without warning she was grabbed and shoved to the floor. She managed to land gracefully, and without getting hurt.

"Freckles?" he asked. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I-" she began. "I-uh. I don't know. Let me up."

"No," he shook his head. "I don't think I'm going to. Not until you answer me. What are you doing in my house?"

"I just wanted-" she sighed. "Never mind. I'll just go back home. Just let me back up."

He let her go and she stood up. She smoothed out her clothes and started for the door.

"Were you all hot and bothered and lonely after Jack left your house?" he asked. "I saw him leaving."

"I wasn't hot and bothered," she scoffed. "God…is that all you think I can think about?"

"Well that's all I think about whenever I'm 100 feet from you," he told her. She scoffed and shoved him. As soon as her hands were connected to his chest, he grabbed her wrists and pulled her into a kiss.

"No," she fought. "Leave me alone!"

She reached back to smack him, but he grabbed her wrist again and stopped her. She stood in front of him breathing heavily. He quickly pulled her toward him and kissed her deeply. She melted in his arms, and he had to bend over slightly to keep their lips touching. He pulled her back up so she was standing. Then he lifted her off the ground, about a foot and carried her to the bed. She laid down and moved to the head of the bed. He moved up her body and looked down at her.

"Should I still leave you alone?" he asked softly. She shook her head and leaned up to kiss him. She kissed him sensually. He ran his hands over her hips and unbuttoned her pants with one hand. He pulled her pants down and she looked up at him and breathed in deeply.

"Sawyer," she whispered. "I want more."

"You'll have more," he replied. "You just have to wait."

"I love you," she said.

"Shh," he shook his head and put his mouth over hers. He pulled his pants down and lowered down over her. She ran her hands through his hair and swallowed hard.

"Hmm," she whispered. "Sawyer, that feels so good."

He smirked at her and went slowly and lovingly. The night before he had been so rough and un-loving, that this made Kate feel so much better. She pulled his hair, and he bit her collarbone slightly harder than he meant to. She let out a soft scream. He wasn't sure if it was because of him biting her or something else. They locked eyes and Sawyer reached for both of Kate's hands. He laced their fingers together. Kate squeezed his hands and moaned louder.

"Do you want to let the whole village know what we're doing?" he asked her.

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "James! Yes!"

"Shh," he whispered and kissed her lips. She moaned again loudly. "Freckles, do you want me to shut you up?"

She answered with another loud moan. He put his mouth over hers again and sucked gently on her lips and tongue. She gasped softly and came apart underneath him. He pressed his face against her neck and waited until he came. He rolled off of her. She looked at him and breathed deeply. She rolled toward him and moved close to him. She rested her lips against his cheek. He turned his cheek toward her and their lips touched softly.

"James," she whispered. "I love you so much."

"Just because I can make you scream," he smirked.

"Sawyer," she sighed. "Why do you have to do that? Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"Because-" he whispered. "I don't know. I wish I could hate you."

"What?" she asked.

"I wish that I could use you the way you used me," he said. "I wish I could just not feel anything when I'm near you. But every time I see you, I-I just remember how much I love you and want you…I can't do it Kate. I think you should go home."

"What?" she repeated. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…I guess you can stay," he shook his head. "But I don't want to do this anymore."

"I didn't want to do it to begin with," she told him.

"Hey, you're the one who came here," he argued. "But I can't just fuck you and go on about my business. Tomorrow we're sleeping in separate beds."

"I just told you that I love you James," she replied. "We can be together again. We can try again. Can't we?"

"I dunno," he murmured. "I dunno Freckles."

**A/N: Please Review!!!!!**


	4. Chapter 4

"_I dunno," he murmured. "I dunno Freckles."_

"Why don't you know?" she said.

"I just don't know," he sighed. "Just…go to sleep."

"I'm not tired," she stated. She rolled over, but didn't leave the bed. Sawyer was laying on his back with his arms behind his head. He was staring at the ceiling.

"I was thinking about Clementine today," he whispered.

"What?" she asked.

"Charlotte," he mumbled. "The little redheaded girl. She ran over to me-I left Clementine, Kate. What if I never get back to her. I never should have left her."

"Well she must have known how much you cared about her," Kate answered.

"Yeah," he murmured. "But I still left her Kate. What kind of person leaves their kid?"

"I dunno," she whispered and looked down.

"Kate," he said softly. "I didn't mean-"

"I know," she nodded. "I'm not-I have no idea what it must feel like-"

"Hey," he began. "You are Aaron's mommy. I know how much you loved him."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," she replied. "I'll go."

Sawyer went to stop her, but she shook her head and left the bed. He let her leave and rolled over in bed. Kate walked back to her house and crawled into her bed. The sheets were cold. Usually it was a welcome feeling, but tonight, it felt like getting into a freezer. She curled herself under the covers. She didn't cry. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want Sawyer to still have that affect on her.

The next morning Kate was sitting on the porch. Jack walked toward her and sat down.

"I got it," he said.

"What?" she asked.

"I got it all figured out," he stated. "I know what to do Kate."

"What?" she asked. "What are you going to do."

"3 years ago," he began. "We found a hydrogen bomb. Right now…as we speak, they're building the hatch. The hatch that brought our plane down. If I can stop the magnetic energy…I can stop it. I can blow it up before it happens."

"What?" she said for the third time.

"If I can stop the plane from crashing, then I can stop all of this Kate," he shook his head. "For once we can just be happy."

"But I thought you were happy with Juliet," she said softly.

"God Kate," he sighed. "I am. But-I mean…I'd kinda like to get back to my real life. Get back to the year 2008 and be with her there. The 70's…I mean I lived through them, but it wasn't exactly the best years of my life."

"Jack-" she started.

"I mean, don't you ever wish that none of it ever happened?" he asked.

"Not really," she murmured. "I mean…I guess sometimes. Sort of. But-I mean Jack…to erase 3 years? What about Juliet? You know that if you erase our lives, it will be as if none of us ever existed for each other. I'm not so sure that I want to erase you and Sawyer from my life."

"It's not about erasing things Kate," he whispered. "It's about destiny-"

"Do you have any idea who you sound like?" she asked.

"I don't care-" he began.

"Locke," she answered. "You sound like Locke…and look where he wound up."

"I'm supposed to do something Kate," he shook his head. "I need to save those people. Everyone we lost. Boone…Shannon. Don't you ever wish-"

"Of course I wish that those people didn't die Jack," she interrupted. "What kind of person do you think I am? I wish we still had Charlie and Claire and Shannon. But we don't. They're gone Jack. You can't just screw with the past."

* * *

Sawyer looked up to see Juliet coming toward him with a beer. She handed to him and he shook his head. She looked at it and then set it down on the porch.

"Ain't you gonna drink it?" he asked. "Just because I don't want it-"

"I'm pregnant," she interrupted.

"Really?" Sawyer smirked. "Well congratulations. How'd Jack take it? Did it take long for you to get Jack up off the floor after he fainted."

"I haven't told him," she breathed.

"Why?" he asked.

"It wasn't exactly planned James," she replied.

"Well…" he began. "To be perfectly honest with you…y'know coming from a guy's perspective…I'd be pretty pissed if Ka-someone didn't tell me. You have to tell him Juliet."

"I know," she nodded. "I will. I just-I'm scared."

"So was Kate," he murmured.

"What?" she asked. "Kate wasn't pregnant James."

"Not 3 years ago," he shook his head. "But-never mind."

"I just told you mine, so now it's your turn buster, tell me," Juliet said.

"She was pregnant," he mumbled. "We were engaged. She didn't tell me. And then-our engagement fell apart…all because of my daughter-no that's not right. All because of me. Because I wanted some time with my daughter and I didn't want Kate to be part of it. She still didn't tell me. And then-she had an abortion."

"How did you find out?" she asked softly.

"She got sick," he answered. "I got this call on my cell phone…'Mr. Ford, please come to St. Mercy's Woman's Hospital as soon as you can. Your fiancée is here. We're doing all we can to make her comfortable'. I almost had a stroke on the way there. I was so worried. Her neighbor brought her in. She was throwing up and dehydrated, and bleeding."

"Was it self-induced?" Juliet asked.

"No," he shook his head. "She had it done at a clinic, but-she was fine. It wasn't anything. I mean…she got sick, but-anyway…she finally told me…I wasn't very happy."

"Why did she do it?" she asked.

"You'll have to ask her that…and please don't ask her," he answered.

"I'm sorry James," she whispered. "And I hear you. I'll tell him as soon as possible."

"James!" Kate exclaimed and ran toward them. "Look…I need your help. Actually I could use both of you."

"What's going on?" Juliet asked.

"Jack," she sighed. "He's gone completely off the deep end."

"What?" Juliet questioned. "What do you mean? Is he ok?"

"Oh," Kate shook his head. "Yeah, of course. He's fine. I just-he wants to find some hydrogen bomb and blow up the hatch before it can bring our plane down in 2004."

"What?" Sawyer asked, standing up quickly.

"He wants to erase our lives Sawyer," she said softly, this time tears pooled into her eyes. "He wants to make it so none of it ever happened. Starting with the crash. Do you realize that if he succeeds it will be like none of us ever-ever met."

Sawyer looked at her and stepped toward her. He could tell that she was ready to collapse into tears at any second. He cupped her face and ran his hand gently across her cheek and down her neck.

"Hey," he whispered. "No matter what happens. I will never forget this face."

She let out a soft chuckle and sniffled.

"We'll stop him," he said.

Sawyer, Kate and Juliet walked toward Jack. Jack knew before they got to him what he was in for.

"You can't stop me, so forget it," he said.

"Jack," Juliet said softly and walked forward. "Please. What are you doing? You want to forget all about the last 3 years. Was it really that horrible?"

"Come on Jule," he began. "You know that's not what I mean. I just-I have to do this Juliet. For everyone we lost."

"And what happens when you erase our entire lives, and you don't even remember anything that happened with us?" she asked softly.

"Y'mind if you give us a second?" Sawyer asked.

"I'm not talking to you Sawyer," Jack said. "All it's going to be is-"

"Just give me 5 minutes," he interrupted. Jack sighed softly and walked with Sawyer into a small clearing, away from Kate and Juliet.

"What are you doing, doc?" Sawyer asked.

"I'm fixing things," Jack answered. "It's what I do. It's what I have to do Sawyer. I have to fix this. I have to make things better."

"I thought things were already better," Sawyer shook his head. "I mean…you're with Juliet. You really want to risk everything because you feel guilty that a couple people died?"

"You were the one who blamed me!" he exclaimed. "It's something I need to do! Don't you get that? Or was your life with Kate so perfect that you wouldn't change anything-"

"Well considering our engagement was called off, of course it wasn't perfect Jackass," he scoffed. "But would I change things? Hell no. I loved her more than anything Jack. I still do. She's my-I don't want to erase all of that. Do you really want all your feelings for Juliet to just disappear…as if they never even existed?"

"If this works," Jack began. "I won't know that I miss her because I will never have had her. I won't feel like I'm going to lose her anyway."

"Why would you lose her Jack?" Sawyer asked.

"I dunno," he sighed. "Just a feeling I have."

"So based on a stupid feeling, you're going to ruin all of our lives!" he yelled.

"Back off!" Jack yelled back.

"Are you going to listen to me? Are you going to stop?" he asked calmly.

"No," he replied, just as calmly.

"You son of a bitch!" Sawyer screamed. He attacked first. But Jack was two steps behind and attacked right back. They threw punches and landed on the ground. Neither of them backed off. Neither of them slowed down. They each were hitting as hard as they could. Both of them were left bloodied and battered.

"Hey!" Juliet and Kate both came through the trees.

"Stop it!" Kate yelled. She ran between the two men and they stopped. She turned toward Jack and pushed against his chest. "Stop it. Calm down."

He put his arms up in defeat and pushed her away. He stalked off into the jungle and Juliet followed him. Jack stopped and looked at Juliet.

"Fine," she whispered, with a shaky voice.

"What?" he asked.

"If you want to blow up the island be my guest. I know I can't stop you anyway," she said. "Maybe it'll be better this way. If I don't miss you, I won't lose you."

"Who do you think that you're going to lose me to," he whispered.

"Who do you think?" she asked.

"She doesn't love me," he answered.

"But you love her," Juliet breathed. "And I can't compete with that. But before-I was talking to James-Sawyer. He's right. I need to get this off my chest. I need to tell you something."

"What?" he asked.

"I'm pregnant."

She walked away, leaving Jack by himself.

* * *

Kate sighed deeply and sat down next to Sawyer. He had a large cut above his eye. She reached forward to touch it and he pulled away.

"Don't," he whispered.

"Stop being so damn stubborn," she said. She reached out again and wiped the blood off his face. Her touch was gentle, but it still stung when she touched the cut. He winced and she looked at him apologetic.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"S'ok. I like you being my nurse," he said. "You should know that."

"James," she said, rolling her eyes. "What's your problem? Why did you attack him?"

"How do you know it was me that started it?" he asked. She glared at him and he nodded. "Yeah ok fine…I started it. But it's Jack's fault."

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry James."

"Hey," he said quickly. "Kate-Kate, what happened? What are you sorry for? I don't-"

"I'm sorry about the baby," she answered. "I didn't-I didn't want to do it alone. I didn't want to be alone."

"Freckles," he whispered.

"I didn't want to raise Aaron alone, and if I would have had to raise another baby alone…your baby-" she breathed. "I didn't-I couldn't."

"You know damn well that I wouldn't have let you do it all alone," he replied.

"No," she shook her head. "I don't know that. I was afraid you would have thought I was trying to trap you into staying. I was afraid of having your baby and then you stepping up and wanting to be part of it's life, and what that would have done to me…to have to see you every day and not be with you."

"It would have been hard for me too Kate, but I would have done it dammit!" he exclaimed. "I would have sucked it up and done it!"

"Don't yell at me," she whispered. "I'm-I'm sorry. I don't know what else I can say to you, other than I'm sorry. I didn't-it's not what I wanted for us."

"Yes," he said quietly.

"Huh?" she furrowed her eyebrows.

"Yes," he repeated and looked at her. "Kate-I love you so much. Yes. I want-I want to try again-"

"Wait," she breathed and sniffled again. "Stop. Don't say anything else."

"Why-" he began.

"Shh," she shook her head. "After. After the bomb explodes and, we're still alive and we have all our memories…tell me then. I don't want you to feel obligated because we're not going to remember any of this in a few hours."

"That isn't what this is Kate," he whispered.

"I know," she said, and cupped his face. "But just-tell me everything afterwards."

He leaned forward and kissed her softly.

* * *

"Hold on a damn minute Juliet!" Jack exclaimed and ran after her. "What the hell are you talking about? You're pregnant?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"How?" he asked.

"Well," she began. "Y'know…we haven't exactly made a run at the local drug store for a pack of condoms Jack. We live together and share a bed. It's kinda what happens. You can't say "we were so careful" because you can't exactly be careful without birth control. So be mad at me, and yell at me if you want, but this isn't all my fault-"

"Wait a second," he interrupted. "You're pregnant and you think I'm going to be mad at you and yell at you. Juliet…the only thing that makes me mad is that you would try to keep it from me. Why didn't you tell me before now. How long have you known?"

"About a week," she whispered. "And I didn't tell you because there never seemed to be the right moment. Especially since your friends just fell from the sky. So what do you think?"

"I think," he chuckled. "I think it's amazing."

He stepped toward her and went to wrap his arms around her. She backed away and shook her head.

"Jack don't," she whispered. "Don't touch me."

"Jule-" he began.

"No," she shook her head. "You want to erase all of it. You want to make it so that none of this ever happened. And that's fine, but if you expect me to hug you and be happy and tell you I love you…screw that."

She walked away again and this time he followed at a close distance.

* * *

The bomb didn't go off. Sawyer was standing, looking at Kate, waiting for the bomb to explode. Kate's eyes were shut tightly. So were Juliet's. Jack was waiting by the hole, and nothing was happening. Kate opened her eyes and looked at Jack.

"What's-" she began. And then the hatch began to shake. Everything was being sucked down the hole. Kate was knocked off her feet and so was Juliet. Only Juliet was pulled into the hole. Jack saw it and ran toward her. He grabbed her hand before she was gone forever.

"Hold on Jule," he exclaimed. Sawyer had been knocked unconscious by a stray 2 by 4. Kate was trying her best to help Jack, but as the chains tightened on Juliet's body, she knew that there was nothing they could do. Juliet fell. After she fell, Kate thought that Jack was about to go down the hole after her. As he was climbing, Kate was trying to pull him back. Finally Sawyer came over and helped get Jack out of the hole. They were all breathing hard.

"Jack," Kate shook her head. "I'm so sor-"

As Kate spoke the sky lit up.

* * *

Sawyer opened his eyes. He was in a comfortable bed. He didn't want to move. He could feel the pillows around him. He was warm. When his eyes were opened he saw a picture on the bedside table. It was a picture of him and Kate. He furrowed his eyebrows and opened his eyes wider. It wasn't just a picture. It was a picture of their wedding day.

"Hmm, Kate?" he asked. He felt a much smaller person jump on the bed and on top of him.

"Daddy!" a little boy exclaimed. Sawyer looked at the child. He was a spitting image of Sawyer. Sawyer sat up, and his mini-me, didn't get off of him. "Daddy, hugs."

"Kate!" Sawyer yelled. "Kate!"

Sawyer saw a baby monitor sitting on the night table. He heard crying coming from it. Kate stepped into the room. She was drying her hair with a towel.

"What's up?" she asked.

"That's what I was going to ask you," he said. "What's going on?"

"Well," she began. "Seems to me like Noah wanted his daddy. And it sounds like Teddy is crying, so can you go get him?"

"Kate," he whispered. "Kate-I-"

"Daddy, I want waffles," Noah said. Sawyer felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He got off the bed and Noah reached up. "Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy."

"What?" Sawyer sighed.

"I want up," he answered. Sawyer looked down at the pleading boy and picked him up. He carried him into the hallway and saw the wall. The wall that used to be filled with pictures of him and Kate and Aaron, was now filled with pictures of the new family. Clementine was also in a few of the pictures, but Sawyer could tell that she didn't live in the house with the rest of them. He went into the room that used to be Aaron's.

"Daddy, this is my room, not Teddy's!" Noah told him. Sawyer stepped back into the hallway and chose the other bedroom.

Teddy was practically a newborn. He only looked a few days old. Sawyer set Noah down and walked over to the crib. He put his hands on the top bar and looked down at the crying baby. He lifted the baby out of the crib and looked down at him.

"You're," he began. "You look just like Kate."

As soon as Sawyer picked him up he stopped crying. Sawyer felt like he was being watched. He looked up and saw Kate standing in the doorway, wearing her robe.

"You have been saying that every day for a week," she whispered.

"Kate, what the hell is going on?" he asked.

"What are you talking about James?" she said, walking toward him. "You're acting like you don't know any of this."

"I-I don't," he whispered.

"James?" she asked. "What do you mean-"

"Mommy!" Noah exclaimed. "I want waffles."

"Ok baby," Kate said, furrowing her eyebrows at Sawyer. "I'll get Teddy's bottle ready."

Kate picked Noah up and left the room. Sawyer was left in the room, looking at the newborn in his arms. He went down the stairs and sat down at the table, holding the baby. Kate walked toward him and took the baby back from him.

"You're crazy," she said softly. "We're gonna talk about this more after Veronica comes to get Noah."

"Still have the same nanny, huh?" he asked.

"Sawyer," she shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

"Kate," he sighed. "The last thing I remember is the damn bomb exploding."

She shook her head again and sighed.

"What are you-" she began. "Sawyer, what bomb? Have you been having crazy dreams again?"

"Kate, the island-" he started.

"For the last time James. There is no island," she said. "The island doesn't exist. It's never existed."

"What?" he scoffed. "Kate, it's how we met-"

"No," she shook her head. "Don't do this. You're-you can't do this to me. Not now. You've been fine. Since Teddy was born, you've been fine. I need you. You can't start talking about the island again."

"Kate," he began. "I'm so confused. Just tell me what happened. If there's no island, then how do you think we met?"

"We met on the flight," she said. "On the flight back to the United States. I was-I was going to jail…are you really going to make me do this? In front of our son? Sons?"

"I can wait till Veronica gets here," he murmured. He walked back up the stairs and looked around him and Kate's room. He picked up a photo album. It was filled with pictures of their wedding day. He heard Veronica and Kate talking, but couldn't hear what they were saying. He heard the front door shut and then Kate's footsteps.

When she came into the bedroom, Teddy wasn't with her. He looked at her and she sat down next to him.

"Ok," she whispered. "Veronica took Teddy too so we could talk."

"We were on the plane," he began the story again. "And it shook and we crashed on an island. We were there for 60 days. I fell completely in love with you. We got rescued and we were living together for-"

"No," she interrupted. "We met on the plane. Briefly. I was going back home in handcuffs. But when I got home…I got sick. I was imagining the island too. We were both in Santa Rosa's Institute of Mental Health. That is where we met and fell in love. We were both having these delusions of grandeur. But with help, we both came out of it. Everyone thought we were crazier to want to be together, but I knew how much I loved you. We both knew it, so we stopped thinking about the island and we got away."

"Freckles," he scoffed. "No-"

"We got out. And for 3 years, we were together. We got married and had Noah," she said, with tears pooling in her eyes. "But then you had a relapse. Right before Teddy was born."

"How old is he?" he asked.

"1 week today," she answered.

"So you know all about the island. You remember the cages and the-"

"Yes, but it wasn't real!" she exclaimed. "It wasn't real James. You have to stop talking about it. Because if you don't…you're going to have to go back…and right now…I need you."

"So what about Jack?" he asked. "And everyone else? Boone…Shannon…Ana!"

"They all got out before us," she answered. "Well, except Jack. Jack is still there. We all met. You and Jack were rivals from the beginning. You never really liked each other, but I think you were secretly friends."

"So Jack's there?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"When are visiting hours?"

"No," she sobbed. "James, you can't-"

"I have to find out what really is going on Kate," he said.

**A/N: So reviews would be greatly appreciated.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: 0 reviews is discouraging.**

Sawyer drove to the hospital. He remembered the drive. He had gone to see Hurley there several times throughout the 3 years. When he walked down the hall he wasn't sure what to think. People were giving him odd looks.

"James," a man said behind him. "What brings you here?"

"What the hell are you people talking about?!" Sawyer exclaimed. "Kate kept-you know what…never mind. Can you just tell me where Jack Shephard's room is?"

"Jack is in the cafeteria," he replied. "You remember where it is, don't you?"

Sawyer stayed quiet and the doctor walked away from him. He walked down the hall. He came to the gym. He saw people playing dodge ball. He kept walking and wasn't coming to the cafeteria. He walked the opposite direction and found the cafeteria. Jack was sitting at a table looking down at what looked like some kind of mystery meat. Jack looked worse than Sawyer had ever seen him. He was shaking slightly. Sawyer stepped toward him tentatively and sat down across from him.

"Jack," he nodded softly.

"I suppose you're here to say I'm crazy too," Jack murmured. "Kate probably told you what happened this morning."

"What?" he asked. "No. She didn't actually. What happened?"

"Well I called her. She informed me of your perfect little life, and your kids." Jack exclaimed. "She was all upset and told me never to call her again. That we barely know each other. Why would she tell me that we barely know each other. What the hell is going on?"

"It's kinda why I'm here Jack," Sawyer answered. "I really need to know what happened. One second we were looking death in the face, time to face our doom, and then the next-I'm waking up in some strange bed-well not exactly strange. A bed that I slept in with her-her house. Some rugrat comes and jumps on me."

"So you remember?" Jack asked. "We were on the island right. And Juliet-"

"Yeah," Sawyer nodded.

"Thank God!" Jack yelled loudly. Sawyer hushed him and shook his head.

"They did something to Kate," Sawyer whispered. "I don't understand any of this Jack. How is it that less than 12 hours ago, I was trying to figure out my damn relationship with Kate, and then today I wake up and we're married with 2 kids. And these kids Jack…I know they're not just some kids they put on our doorstep. They look-Noah, it was like looking into a mirror. And Teddy. God, he's only a week old, but he looks just like Kate. I don't understand this Jack. None of it."

"I don't either," Jack said softly. "Excuse me…um…nurse-"

"James!" the nurse exclaimed when she saw Sawyer. "What are you doing here? You got out a week ago-"

"Who do you work for?" Sawyer asked.

"James," she shook her head. "You need to go home and take care of that baby."

"I'll go," he nodded. "Just please…can you tell me one thing?"

"Anything for my favorite patient," she smiled.

"It's going to sound crazy, so please don't have me-" he began.

"No one thinks you're crazy," she continued smiling and shook her head. "Go ahead. Ask your question…and then you need to leave, because Jack needs to take his meds and go see the doctor."

"W-what year is it?" he asked.

"Oh," she chuckled. "You asked me that just last week. You're being forgetful James. It's 2010."

**A/N: OK…sorry for the short chapter. I decided to update quickly because of the lack of reviews and lack of readers. Should I keep going? If not, I'll probably put the story on hold for a few weeks until I get some inspiration…Reviews=Love and inspiration for Katie. **


	6. Chapter 6

Sawyer sped home. He didn't know what to think or do. When he and Kate got back to the island it was 1977, but in the real world it was 2007. He didn't understand how it could already be 3 years later. He guessed it's how he and Kate have a 3 year old kid. When he came up the driveway, Kate came out of the house with her arms crossed. He got out of the car and walked up the steps.

"Are you satisfied now?" she asked. "He's crazy-"

"Kate," he whispered. "Jack may be a lot of things, but crazy ain't one of them. Just please tell me-tell me everything that happened in the last 3 years if you remember it so well."

"Don't do this James," she shook her head.

"Do you remember going back to the island?" he asked.

"Stop," she said softly. "Just stop."

"No," he answered. "Just-please Kate. I don't remember 3 years out of my life. I don't remember marrying you or having kids-just tell me. Tell me everything you remember…starting from when we got off the island."

"In 2004," she began. "We were on an airplane coming back from Australia-"

"Hold it," he said. "You say that the plane landed safely, but what is your first instinct telling you Kate? What happened?"

"We crashed," she whispered. "We were stuck on the island for 90 days. But it wasn't real James. When we landed in LAX everyone thought we were crazy. So we went to a mental hospital."

"And Ana and Shannon and Boone were all there too."

"I never saw them anywhere other than on the island," she said. "They never existed James."

"How is it that you and me and Jack had the exact same hallucination Kate?!" he exclaimed. "We were on that damn island. And then we got away. 6 of us did. And we were living together and in love and engaged, and then-"

"Clementine," she whispered and nodded. "I remember. But I've been told that it didn't really happen. None of it. We were in that mental hospital. We woke up, but we were there. In the mental hospital."

"How is it 2010, when only a week ago we went back to the island and it was 2007?" he asked.

"I don't know why you don't remember," she whispered.

"Do you remember going back to the island?" he asked.

"Yes," she sobbed. "And then-the bomb went off."

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "And then I woke up and it's 3 more years later and we have 2 kids!"

"They brainwashed you," she whispered. "They brainwashed all of us."

She was talking so quietly that Sawyer could barely even hear her.

"Our house is bugged," she nearly mouthed. "I remember James…but I also remember the past 3 years."

"Why don't I? or Jack?" he asked, just as quietly.

"Because they don't want you to," she shook her head. "They want you to run from me."

"I won't," he told her and cupped her face. "But you gotta help me remember ok? Please. Just help me remember."

"Why?" she murmured.

"Because," he scoffed. "I don't remember proposing to you, or our wedding day or the moment I found out that you were having a baby-these are sort of things that you're supposed to remember in your life."

"You really don't remember," she whispered. "God, what did they do to you?"

"If I knew Freckles, I'd probably remember all those things," he answered.

"Ok," she nodded. "But we can't do it here. I know a place."

They walked out to the car. Several times Sawyer tried to say something, but each time he was shushed by Kate. It took them 20 minutes to get there. It was an empty parking lot. Kate got out of the car and Sawyer followed her. She walked several aisles away from the car and sat down in the middle of the pavement. He sat down next to her and looked at her.

"I'll start with the day the sky lit up."

**Flashback**

Kate, Jack, Sayid, Hurley, and Sawyer were standing in the middle of LAX. Sawyer looked around quickly and looked over at Kate.

"You ok?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she whispered. "You?"

"Where are we?" he said quietly.

"I think it's LAX," she answered.

"Yeah, but why?" he whispered softly. Kate watched Frank Lapidus walking toward them. She quickly walked toward him.

"Do you remember?" she asked.

"Remember what?" he asked. "My flight just got cancelled. Flight 316-"

"No," she shook her head. "We got back to the island."

"No, the flight was cancelled. Ask Sun…she's right there. I saw her in the terminal."

"We were on the island!" Kate screamed.

"Shh," Sawyer shook his head. "It's alright. Calm down."

"Calm down?" she asked. "Calm down? We were just on that damn island again and all the sudden we're back in LAX. It's the day we left? How the hell did Jack come with us?"

"I have to find Juliet," Jack said. "Maybe she's-maybe she's back in Miami. Maybe she's totally ok."

"Or maybe she's somehow still on the island," Kate whispered.

"You're not helping," Jack said.

"Sorry," Kate answered. "You're right. I just-I'm so sorry."

Sawyer looked at Kate.

"We were on that island right?" he asked.

"Of course," she replied. "We're not crazy."

"Maybe we are," Hurley interrupted. "Maybe we're all just completely insane."

"Stop it," Kate shook her head and covered her ears. "We were on that fucking island again."

"Hey," Sawyer whispered and took her hand in his. "It's ok."

"No it's not," she half sobbed. "No it's not! What about Aaron and Claire?!"

**1 Week Later**

Sawyer and Kate were living together again. Kate wasn't completely sure what their relationship exactly was. All she knew is that they had incredible sex. She didn't want to ever stop having sex with him. She woke up in the morning next to him. He looked at her and ran his hand over her jaw. They were both naked. Kate moved next to him and intertwined her legs with his. He breathed softly and turned toward her.

"You're making me hard," he told her.

"That's sort of the idea cowboy," she answered. "We weren't on the island."

"What?" he asked. "Kate-"

"I want to pretend," she replied and rolled over so she was on top of him. "We were never on the island. We never even met. This is our first time."

"Hmm," he said grabbing her hips and then slowly moving his hands down her ass. "That's gonna be kinda hard, considering I know exactly what you like."

"Start kissing me," she whispered. He leaned up and put his hand carefully over her cheek and down her neck. He kissed her passionately. She moaned and lifted her hips. Neither of them needed any foreplay. Kate lowered herself down and he quickly flipped them over to push all the way in. She grunted and wrapped her legs around his waist.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear. She moaned again and they both came. He rolled off of her, but stayed close, and wrapped his arms around her. "Did you hear me?"

"I love you too James," she answered.

"I think we should get married," he told her. "I mean…we said let's try it again right? I think we should get engaged again."

"I think I'm pregnant."

**Flashback Over.**

"I proposed and then you told me you were pregnant?" Sawyer asked softly.

"About a week later, we were both taken," she said. "I don't know where they took you, because you didn't remember. They took me when I went to get tested for actually being pregnant. They did brainwash both of us. They knew all these details about my life. But they told me that everything on the island wasn't real. They made me believe it. We were both taken to the mental institute. We both knew that we knew each other, but everyone kept insisting that it was the first time we ever met. That night you…"

**Flashback**

Sawyer was staring at his ceiling. He knew that he wasn't crazy. He had known Kate for over 3 years. They had been engaged. Everyone else was crazy to say that none of it was real. He knew that it was. And he knew that Kate remembered all of it too. He got up and snuck down the hall. There were rules about visiting other patient's rooms, but Sawyer didn't care. He found Kate's room and opened the door. She gasped and sat up in bed.

"James!" she exclaimed softly. "What is going on? Why do they think we've just met?"

"I don't know," he whispered. "But you do remember all of it right?"

"Of course I do," she answered. He quickly went toward her and kissed her lips. He started to back away to leave, but she pulled him down in the bed. "Don't leave."

"Ok," he nodded. They began kissing again. Softly at first. Both of them were backing away to slow the kisses even further.

"I want this to last all night," she said. He reached down and pushed his hand down her pants. He was delighted to find that she wasn't wearing any underwear. He teased her, but didn't touch her fully enough. She was begging for more, without saying a word.

"You look cute in these hospital clothes Freckles," he whispered. She chuckled. He pulled his hand away and then untied her pants. She pulled them down and looked at him. . He started unbuttoning her shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. He kissed her and pulled her body closer to his. He ran his hand down her body starting at her shoulder and working downward. He got to her pelvis and she sat up and shook her head.

"You know what we haven't done in a while?" she asked.

"No," he shook his head. "What?"

She pushed one of her own fingers inside of her. She bit her lip and breathed out deeply, but didn't close her eyes. He watched her and smirked. She looked at him and added another finger.

"My fingers feel so good," she told him. He looked at her and watched her touch herself. She took the other hand and began to feel up and down her own body. She moaned loudly and closed her eyes. She could hear him scrambling with his own clothes. She opened her eyes and watched as he began moving his hand slowly at first, but then faster.

"You are so hot," he whispered. "Why didn't we fuck like this on the island?"

"Risk of getting sand in bad places?" she answered and continued moving her fingers. She chuckled softly and then came. She laid down on the bed and waited for Sawyer to bring himself to climax. It didn't take him very long. He breathed out deeply and laid down next to her.

"I told you that I would never forget you," he told her.

**Flashback Over**

"But apparently you did," she sniffled. "You forgot 3 years of our lives."

"I'm so sorry Freckles," he said.

"Me too," she sighed. "Anyway…I was kept another week. But then I stopped talking about the island. They let me go home."

"And you were pregnant?" he asked. "With my baby?"

"When they found out that it was your baby, they let you go," she whispered. "They let you come home to us. For a while, you didn't talk about the island either because you were afraid that you'd get taken away from me again. You sometimes mentioned it in the privacy of our house, but then even that wasn't safe."

"Who bugged our house Kate?" he asked.

"I don't have any proof," she began. "But my guess is Charles Widmore. He can't risk the information of the island getting out because then it won't be a secret anymore."

"So that's basically our whole life?" he asked.

"I got my degree," she whispered. "I just got my degree, a month before Teddy was born. I'm going to be a doctor at Jack's old hospital actually."

"What do I do?" he asked.

"Stay at home daddy," she smiled. "I know…hard to believe…but it's true."

"So we had some perfect existence…like Jack said?" he asked.

"I hate to even say it now," she began. "But it was pretty perfect…until you-you made a mistake."

"I have a question before you tell me about my mistakes," he said. "What about Jack? Has he been there for 3 years?"

"He found out that Juliet was with her husband," she said. "He stopped talking about the island so he could get out and go find her…but they had already gotten to her. She remembers nothing. She still thinks that she's with her ex-husband and happily married. After that…Jack came here. He was drinking a lot and I was pregnant so you told him absolutely not. He fell apart and-he's been there for almost 2 years."

"We have to get him out of there," Sawyer said. "We know he's not insane Freckles."

"I know," she nodded. "He's gotten out a couple times, but each time he gets out it's worse, and his drinking gets worse. I think he's safer there for now…until he can get sober…completely sober and not even want a drink at all. So what else do you want to know?"

"Everything," he said. "I don't remember any of it Freckles."

"When you get home," she began. "Don't let me give you your pills."

"Pills?" he asked.

"I think they make it worse," she replied. "Do you want to hear about the day that Noah was born?"

"Of course I do," he said softly.

**Flashback**

Kate was sitting in her hospital bed. Sawyer was staring at the monitors. One was monitoring the baby's heart rate and the other was monitoring Kate's. He looked at her and took her hand.

"Is it supposed to be that fast?" he whispered. "I know that they always say that in the movies, but it's really fast."

"It's supposed to be that fast," she nodded. "Don't worry. The doctor said everything is normal-ow."

She squeezed his hand tightly and closed her eyes. She breathed deeply through the pain. Sawyer looked at her and didn't say anything, but just held her hand.

"I don't know what to do," he told her.

"About what?" she asked.

"I'm not very good at this comforting thing," he said.

"Yes you are," she replied. "You're the best. I love you."

"I love you too," he stated and kissed her softly. "But-"

"But what?" she asked.

"I'm scared," he answered. "I'm scared about the baby."

"No," she shook her head. "You can't do this right now. 9 months Sawyer! Oh my God. You're going to-"

"No no no no," he interrupted quickly. "No…I'm not going to leave. I love you so much and-it's just a little-overwhelming."

"Well don't you think I'm scared too James!" she exclaimed.

"B-but you had Aaron," he whispered softly.

"Yeah," she nodded. "But I didn't have to give birth to him. If these stupid contractions hurt this bad, I can't imagine what it's going to feel like when I actually have to push. And I'm scared of screwing all of this up."

"You won't screw it up hon," he shook his head.

"And neither will you," she replied. "We'll do it together."

"Ok," he whispered.

"I want a boy," she told him. "What do you want?"

"Kate," he chuckled. "We've been through this about 20 times. I don't care-"

"Yes you do," she interrupted. "You know nothing about little girl stuff."

"Do you really think I know anything about raising a boy?" he asked. "If we have a girl, I'll let you teach me."

"You're adorable," she shook her head.

"Are you ready to be parents?" the doctor asked, coming into the room.

**Flashback Over**

"Y'know Kate," Sawyer began. "I gotta be kinda honest. I know I don't remember the past 3 years, but I'm kinda glad that you had boys-that we had boys."

"You said that after Noah was born," she answered with a smile.

"So you said that our house is bugged?" he asked.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Is that why you pretended not to know what the hell I was talking about?" he asked.

"We remembered everything," she sniffled. "But then-they kept us-they knew I remembered my entire life, but they said if I told you anything, they would take you from me. They would make sure that they took the kids. I couldn't lose any of you, so I lied to you…but I knew I was going to tell you."

"Don't you think they're going to somehow figure out that you told me everything?" he asked.

"I want you to have your memories back," she whispered.

"Well," he began. "I'd kinda like to remember my life too. It kills me that it's been 3 more years and I remember nothing."

"Hurts me too," she said. "It sucks. I want to be able to look at each other and still be completely in love."

"Freckles," he whispered. "I am completely in love with you. None of that has changed."

She smiled weakly at him. He reached forward and ran his hand over her cheek. Neither of them moved first. Finally Sawyer leaned toward her. He hesitated slightly and put his mouth over hers. She kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his neck. She moaned slightly and began laying down. He stopped her and pulled her back up to sit up.

"You really don't want to have sex in the middle of this parking lot," he chuckled.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I do…but I can't. It's only been a week since Teddy was born."

"Well come here," he whispered. He pulled her closer and kissed her lips. He used his tongue expertly. Kate always liked the fact that he used just the perfect amount of tongue. She backed away and breathed out sharply.

"You still-" she breathed and leaned back toward him. She kissed him deeper, and ran her hand down his neck. "I can't believe you still-"

She didn't finish her sentence again and went back to kissing him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and was more frantic with her own lips and tongue. He backed away and twirled his finger in her hair.

"I still what?" he whispered.

"You still do that thing with your tongue," she smiled.

"Kate," he laughed. "I'm still me.

"I know," she nodded. "But you don't remember 3 years…and you sorta changed your kissing technique in the 3 years that we were married. You always knew how to kiss me, but over the years since we got to know each other-it became this-I dunno…and you still kiss me like we've been married for 3 years."

"Maybe I'll get the rest of my memories back then," he said. "If I can remember how to kiss-maybe I can remember everything else."

"I miss you," she stated. "You haven't been 'you' since Teddy was born-oh my God."

"What?" he asked.

"Before he was born," she said. "You went with one of the doctors. He told you that you needed to get into scrubs before helping me-he must have-son of a bitch! God dammit how could I have been so stupid!"

"Shh shh," he shook his head and hugged her. "It's ok. It's ok. I promise. Everything is going to be fine. I don't care that I don't remember. I mean I do…it sucks, but I ain't goin' no where. I'm here with you and I love you so much. And our boys…they need a daddy right?"

Kate couldn't do anything, but stay in his arms and cry softly on his shoulder. They sat on the ground in each other's arms for what seemed like a long time. He started twirling her hair again and allowed her to cry, but rocked her softly and hushed her gently. She let out a single sob and then stood up.

"I wanna go home," she said. "I just want to be with my kids."

"OK," he whispered. "Let me drive, you shouldn't drive when you're so upset."

He got up and took her hand. He looked down at her ring and smiled.

"Pretty ring," he told her.

"Thanks," she smiled. "You picked it out all by yourself."

"Guess I got good taste," he replied. "I mean...I picked you right?"

"Did you ever think maybe, that _I'm_ the one who picked _you_?" she smirked.

"Come on. Give me the keys," he said. She gave him the keys and they walked back to the car. They each got in. Sawyer didn't start the car right away. He turned toward Kate and looked at her.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked. "I want to go home. Well actually first I want to go to Veronica's house and get the babies. I want to go."

"Freckles," he whispered. He reached over and took her hand again. "Everything will work out. Maybe I'll remember everything."

"Or maybe you'll wake up in the morning and forget everything I told you," she shrugged.

"Told you," he began. "I'll never forget you. And now that I know I have kids…I won't forget them either."

"I love you so much," she told him.

"Tell me one more thing," he said.

"I'll tell you anything," she replied.

"How did we come up with the names Noah and Teddy?" he asked.

"Noah from my favorite movie," she whispered softly. "The Notebook. And Teddy-well-"

"My dad?" he nodded.

"We tried coming up with names," she began. "I liked Benji, but it was a little too close to Benjamin or Ben…so we sorta nixed that idea quickly. And then this one day you were just looking through the name book…you stopped and I thought-I thought something was really wrong and then you said, 'what about Theodore?…Teddy?'. I thought it was really cute. But you never told me where it came from."

"Not until today?" he asked with his eyebrows furrowed.

"No," she smirked. "One more story…"

**Flashback**

Sawyer was eating ice cream in bed. Kate was sleeping next to him, or attempting to. She was 8 and a half months pregnant and couldn't get comfortable for anything.

"I'm going to invent a pregnancy mattress," she moaned.

"And what would that look like?" he asked with a chuckle.

"It would have a concave area so that you can lay down on your stomach," she said. "I hate this."

"What can I do to help?" he asked, without looking up from the ice cream.

"Nothing," she sighed and rolled over. He looked down at her and rubbed her shoulder gently with his hand. She gasped loudly.

"Your hand is cold!" she exclaimed.

"Sorry," he said. "I'll-I'm gonna tell you something Freckles."

"What?" she asked without rolling over.

"Where I came up with the name Teddy," he said.

"I thought you got it out of that book," she replied.

"Well yeah," he murmured. "But-it's my dad's name. I mean-it was my dad's name."

"James," she whispered and sat up to face him. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I dunno," he shrugged. "I just-Kate my whole past has been so fucked-I can't handle it anymore. I feel like this is the only way I can get away from the stupid demon my dad left behind. My dad is a murderer Kate. And the only way I can redeem him is to-and now that I've told you all this I completely understand if you don't want to name our son after such an asshole but-"

"Theodore James," she interrupted. "Theodore James Ford. It's perfect."

"That was my dad's full name," he whispered.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he leaned forward and kissed her lips deeply.

**Flashback Over**

"No one knows about that," he said. "No one even knows that my dad killed my mom and himself."

"Well, I'm glad that you can open up to me," she whispered.

"Me too," he sighed. "Ok…let's go get the boys."

"Don't forget us James," she whispered.

"Never," he shook his head.

**A/N: Happy Friday. Please please review me.**


	7. Chapter 7

Sawyer started driving to Veronica's house. Kate looked at him as he turned down the street.

"How do you know how to get there?" she asked.

"I know how to get to Veronica's," he told her.

"No," she shook her head. "The first time you ever drove to Veronica's house was when we took Noah. Noah was 2 weeks old, and Veronica wanted to come see him, but she broke her foot and couldn't drive. So you drove us there. You nearly got us lost."

"She lives down here right?" he asked, turning again. Kate nodded and chuckled.

"You're remembering," she whispered.

"That's all I remember," he sighed. "Stupid directions to a house."

"It's a start," she answered. He nodded and drove into Veronica's driveway. They both got out of the car and started up the front steps. The door opened before they got there. Noah ran toward Sawyer and grabbed onto his leg.

"Daddy!" he exclaimed.

"Uh-Noah," Kate shook her head. "Daddy isn't-he doesn't feel good, so you have to leave him alone-"

"No," Sawyer answered. "It's alright. Come here."

He picked Noah up and held him.

"Daddy I want to play Superman," Noah said.

"That's-" Kate began in a whisper.

"I think I can get that one all by myself Freckles," he smirked. He held Noah out and Noah put his arms in front of him. Sawyer ran down the steps and ran toward the car. Noah giggled all the way there.

That night they were laying in bed. They were facing each other. Kate had told Sawyer several more stories, by whispering quietly. Sawyer leaned toward her and started kissing her softly. She kissed back, a little harder and rougher than he was.

"The baby's gonna start crying any second," she whispered. They both heard thunder in the distance. Even though it wasn't loud, Kate jumped and gasped. She wrapped her arms around Sawyer.

"Kate?" he asked. "Since when are you afraid of thunderstorms?"

"Since now," she answered. "It always storms on days they-just please…kiss me. Make it all go away."

He leaned toward her again and kissed her cheeks. His lips connecting with her face was making a loud sound. When they started kissing again, the storm was closer. It was thundering and lightening. There was a loud crack of thunder and Kate jumped again. Sawyer started to kiss her again. This time he slowed her down and was very gentle and careful.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Noah exclaimed on the other side of the door. They both could tell that he was crying. The door opened and Noah ran into the room. He climbed up onto the bed with some difficulty and crawled between them. He pressed his face against Kate's chest and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Make it stop mommy," he said. Kate started singing softly. She was singing 'Hush Little Baby'. Sawyer thought her voice was beautiful. He knew that she wasn't even really trying that hard. There was another very loud crack that made all three of them jump. Noah whimpered. Teddy started crying over the baby monitor. Kate stopped singing and started getting up.

"No mommy!" Noah exclaimed. "Don't!"

"Your brother needs me," she answered.

"I'll go," Sawyer said getting out of the bed.

"Sawyer, you don't know-" she began.

"I can handle it Kate," he replied. He left the room and went into the baby's room. He lifted Teddy from the crib. He continued to cry. Sawyer carried him back into their bedroom and sat down in the bed.

"Maybe the 'Hush Little Baby' song will work on him too," Sawyer smiled.

"He's probably hungry," she murmured. "Here, give him to me."

He handed her the baby and Noah whined loudly.

"Noah William," Kate said. "You have to share me with your brother. You can go sit on daddy's lap."

Kate fed the baby, and the storm died down. Noah fell asleep next to Sawyer, with his thumb in his mouth. Kate got out of the bed carefully, holding the baby. She quickly took the baby to his room and returned. She got back into the bed just as carefully so as not to wake up Noah.

"Does Noah sleep here a lot?" Sawyer asked."Well," she said. "Not really, but ever since Teddy was born…for a week he's been coming in here every single night. But storms are the worst."

"I hated storms too," he murmured.

"I know," she nodded. He reached forward and ran his hand down her side.

**Flashback**

**1972-5 Year Old James**

The wind was blowing strong. He knew that there was a storm coming. He was always afraid that the house would blow away like in Wizard Of Oz. There was a tree outside of his window that always scraped against the glass. He always thought it looked like a witch's hand coming to get him. The rain started. He could hear it on the roof of the house. He loved his house with his mommy and daddy. His daddy wasn't home tonight. He was out late. He could tell that his mom was mad because Teddy was late again. They got into fights a lot. The rain began falling harder. It was making loud noise on his window. The thunder started. He covered his ears with his hands but the thunder was loud. He put his head under his pillow and whimpered softly. The loud crack scared him. He got out of the bed and ran into the hall. His mom was in the hall already, coming toward his room.

"James," she whispered. "Come here honey."

He ran toward his mom and jumped into her arms. She picked him up and carried him back to her bedroom. She laid him down in the bed and put her arms around him. He felt totally safe laying in his mom's arms. He didn't ever want to leave. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, even with the raging storm outside.

Two hours later, James woke up to a loud crash coming from the kitchen. His mom woke up too and moaned softly. She didn't bother getting out of bed.

"It's ok buddy," she whispered. "It's daddy. He's home. Just stay close to me."

James moved closer to his mom and tried to go back to sleep. Suddenly the bedroom door opened and his father came storming in.

"What the fuck is he doing in here?!" he screamed.

"Teddy!" Mary exclaimed. "Shh. You're going to scare him."

"He needs to grow up!" he yelled.

"He's 5!" she yelled back.

"Stop yelling," James whined and covered his ears.

"Get out of the bed right now!" his dad exclaimed.

"Teddy stop it!"

"Stand up!" Teddy continued. James finally stood up in the bed. "Get."

"Daddy, the storm is scary," James said.

"Well get over it," he answered.

"Teddy, have you been drinking?" Mary asked softly.

"I'm a grown man, I can drink whenever I want to," he replied.

"Teddy, please," she said softly.

"Go on James," Teddy continued. James got out of the bed and went back to his own room. The storm had subsided, but he still didn't want to be alone. A few minutes later he heard his mother screaming. He had heard her screaming this way before, and got yelled at for knocking on his parents door. He put his head back under his pillow and tried to sleep.

**Flashback Over**

"James," Kate whispered.

"My dad loved me," Sawyer said softly. "I mean-I know that he did. I just-he wasn't a bad guy Kate."

"I didn't think he was," she shook her head. "Everyone-everyone says things they don't mean."

"And he was drunk," he whispered. "It's a crappy excuse, but I know he cared about me…and my mom too."

"James," she whispered again.

"I know," he sighed. "I'm stupid."

"No you're not," she shook her head. "I'm just glad that you can-I mean…you forgive him? Do you forgive him for what he did to your mom?"

"No," he answered softly. "I can't forgive him for that."

"I know," she nodded. "I don't forgive my dad either. But not because he treated my mom like shit-"

"Freckles," he whispered. "Have I been-never mind. I don't want to know."

"You're a great dad," she answered, knowing the question without him having to finish. "You took care of Noah while I went to school. I had a night time job as a waitress for a while, but then I missed you guys so I started coming home."

"So what do we do for money?" he asked.

"Same thing we did before," she replied. "Oceanic settlement. We still have money left. And-I just got a job at the hospital."

"Yeah," he nodded. "You told me that, but-how are you going to work when you just had a baby?"

"Well they know about it," she chuckled softly. "I'm starting in 8 weeks."

"So what are we gonna do for the next 8 weeks?" he asked with a smirk.

"Go out of our minds," she answered. "Staying at home with a baby all day? It's going to-well, it won't be so horrible this time because we'll have Noah…but when Noah was a newborn. We went on walks all the time. We went to the park every day…just to get out and get into the sun."

"I could just stay awake all night talking to you," he told her. She smiled and shook her head.

"I wish we could," she whispered. "I just-I'm so tired. And in a few hours the baby will be up and-"

"Goodnight," he said softly. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. She leaned forward again and kissed his lips softly and slowly. He moaned softly and pulled her closer. She backed away from him and gasped softly.

"Noah is laying right next to us," she reminded him.

"He's sleepin'," Sawyer said. "I want to kiss my beautiful wife."

"Sawyer," she said softly and shoved him softly, but then kissed him. He put his hand against her cheek and moved it slowly down her neck.

**2 Months Later**

Sawyer still hadn't gotten any of his memories back. He was getting very frustrated. He and Kate had started to fight. It wasn't constantly, but it was enough. Sawyer had started to drink. Every night he would drink. He never got wasted, but Kate couldn't stand that he always wanted to drink.

Sawyer and Noah were sitting at the kitchen table. Sawyer had a glass of wine. Kate wanted a glass of wine, but she was still breast feeding and couldn't drink. It was another reason why she was getting frustrated with Sawyer's drinking. Sawyer was sipping his wine, but then opened his mouth and dumped the rest of the contents down his throat. He set the glass down and got up from the table. He put his arms around Kate's waist as she started serving the plates of food.

"Do we have any more?" he asked.

"Wine?" she asked, pushing him off of her.

"Yeah," he answered.

"No," she replied. "You finished it."

"Why are you so pissed?" he asked.

"I'm not," she murmured.

"Momma I want peanut butter and jelly," Noah said.

"Well, we're going to eat right now," Kate replied calmly.

"But I don't want that!" he exclaimed. "I want peanut butter!"

"Too bad," Sawyer said.

"I don't like you daddy," Noah stated, and ran out of the room. Sawyer rolled his eyes and sat back down at the table. Kate started leaving the room, and Sawyer grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her toward him.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"I'm going to go talk to Noah and bring him back to the table," she answered.

"Stay here," he whispered.

"Come on," she scoffed.

"We never get to have dinner together," he told her. "We're never alone."

"Sawyer, don't," she shook her head.

"No," he sighed. "I just-Kate, come on…we haven't had any time by ourselves."

"We had time," she whispered. "We had time before Noah was born-"

"I don't remember any of it!" he exclaimed.

"Well, I can't really do anything about that," she sighed heavily and exasperatedly.

"We haven't had sex-" he began.

"I just gave birth!" she yelled.

"2 months ago!" he exclaimed back. They both heard the pattering of feet. Kate looked over at Noah. Noah was standing in the doorway.

"Mommy," he began. "Teddy's crying."

Kate looked at Sawyer and shook her head. She went up the stairs and went into Teddy's room. She felt the tears well up in her eyes. She picked Teddy up and rocked him softly.

"It's ok," she said softly. "Mommy's here. Shh."

She felt Sawyer coming into the room, but didn't turn around to look at him. He sat down in the rocking chair behind her. Noah was standing in the doorway.

"Momma, I'm hungry," he said. Teddy had stopped crying. Kate put him back into the crib and left the room, completely ignoring Sawyer. She took Noah's hand and walked down the stairs with him. She finished serving the dinner and sat down next to Noah. She didn't bother serving Sawyer a plate. Sawyer came into the kitchen and sat down next to Kate. He sighed softly and took her hand.

"I'm sorry Freckles," he murmured. "I just-this sucks Kate. I don't remember the way I felt when I married you or if my stomach did flips when you told me you were pregnant…either time."

"Do you remember what it's like to make love to me?" she whispered softly.

"Yes," he nodded. "Why the hell do you think I'm so anxious?"

"Well," she began. "I went to the doctor today. He said that I could-he said everything was fine, so I'm free to do whatever I want."

"Really?" he asked. "Well that's great!"

"Yeah," she mumbled. "Great."

She continued to eat. She looked over at Noah and smiled at him.

"You enjoying your spaghetti honey?" she asked softly.

"Sketti!" he exclaimed and put a noodle in his mouth with his hands. Kate chuckled softly and ran her hand over his head.

They finished dinner, and Sawyer helped Kate with the dishes. He opened another beer after dinner and Kate read to Noah on the couch. A few times Teddy woke up. Kate went both times. The night she took a shower and when she came out of the bathroom she could hear Teddy screaming at the top of his lungs. She didn't even need the baby monitor. She ran into his bedroom and picked him up.

"Teddy," she said quietly. "Teddy. Shh. What happened? What's wrong?"

She changed his diaper and he calmed down, but he was still crying. She walked over to the rocking chair and sat down. She sighed deeply and looked down at her baby.

"Where's your daddy huh?" she asked softly. Teddy fell asleep in Kate's arms. She kissed him gently on the forehead and then lifted him into his crib. She closed his door silently and started going toward the stairs. Sawyer was coming up the stairs and stopped her. He crashed into her and kissed her deeply.

"Sawyer," she shook her head, but he pressed his lips to hers again. He picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. He shut the door and made sure that their lips stayed connected. He was moaning softly at her and threw her onto the bed sloppily.

"Stop it!" she exclaimed and pushed him off. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

"I'm kissing you," he answered and went to kiss her again.

"No," she shook her head and pushed him away again. "Get off. This is not-"

"You said that it was ok. We can finally-" he began.

"No," she answered. "Do you understand that I just got out of the shower, and Teddy was screaming."

"Oh," he sighed. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize!" she yelled. "Just be there!"

"I made one little mistake and you're biting my head off," he replied.

"It's like the only reason that you stayed was so that you could fuck me," she shook her head. "They only reason you waited was because you thought or knew it'd be worth it to fuck me again. Just leave me alone and don't touch me."

"Really?" he asked. "You're gonna do that? You don't want me to touch you?"

He quickly pulled her toward him and started kissing her. She shook her head and pushed him off of her again.

"Don't!" she screamed and smacked him hard. He quickly pulled her pants down and pulled her hips toward him. She gasped loudly and struggled against him. "Stop it Sawyer!"

He ran his hand gently down her leg, and she continued to struggle. He reached between her legs and started teasing her carefully and still gently.

"Get off of me," she said through her teeth.

"You're getting wet," he whispered softly.

"No I'm not," she answered. "Get off of me, I'm not going to have sex with you tonight!"

He kissed her neck softly and slid 2 of his fingers into her. She moaned loudly, but didn't push him away.

"Stop," she whispered. "Get off-"

"Do you want me to get off of you or is it that you want me to get you off?" he asked.

"I hate you," she said. He stopped touching her and rolled over.

"Fine," he murmured. "Goodnight."

She rolled over on top of him and looked down at him.

"OK," she stated.

"OK, what?" he asked.

"Fuck me," she said softly into his ear. "I missed it too. Fuck me James."

He quickly flipped them over and pushed into her all the way. He grinded his hips roughly against hers. They both moaned. He wasn't attempting to be gentle anymore. She screamed his name and he went even quicker. He made her come and then rolled off of her and breathed in deeply.

"That was-" he whispered and rolled back toward her and kissed her cheek.

"Get off of me," she said. "Never-I have never ever felt like such a whore as I did tonight. Do not touch me."

He looked at the back of her head and closed his eyes. He sighed softly to himself, but didn't touch her.

In the morning Kate woke up, and remembered how she felt the night before. She felt horrible about her fight with Sawyer. She had never had a fight like that with him before. She wanted to move toward him and put her arms around him and make both of them feel better, but she was still angry. She opened her eyes and saw that his side of the bed was empty anyway. She felt a small tap on the back of her shoulder. She flipped over carefully and looked at Noah.

"Morning momma," he said with a smile.

"Good morning sweetness," she stated, smiling back. "Is the baby awake?"

"Yep," he nodded.

"OK," she mumbled and started getting up.

"Daddy-um…mommy," he said softly.

"Is daddy gone?" she asked with a soft gasp. Noah looked confused. He shook his head and then nodded. Kate quickly got up and ran down the stairs. She was about to go to the front door when she heard sounds coming from the kitchen. She walked into the kitchen and saw Sawyer standing at the stove. He was making breakfast. Teddy was in the portable crib in the middle of the floor. Sawyer kept looking down at him. Teddy was awake and staring at the ceiling fan. Kate walked toward the crib and picked him up.

"Hi my baby," she said softly.

"G'morning," Sawyer murmured.

"Noah made me think that you had left," she whispered. "I thought-"

Sawyer quickly stopped what he was doing and stepped toward her. He shook his head and sighed deeply.

"Kate," he said. "You really think I'd leave all this?"

"You're miserable," she stated softly.

"No I'm not," he shook his head. "Kate, no I'm not. I'm just-pissed off. I hate that I don't remember our life together. I just want to remember it. So I'm starting from the beginning."

"What are you talking about?" she breathed. He took Teddy out of her arms and put him back down in the small crib. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring.

"James," she shook her head.

"Yesterday," he began. "When I said that I was taking the boys to the park…I went and bought you this."

"W-why?" she asked softly. Before Kate could say anything else, Sawyer got down on both of his knees.

"I know that before, I proposed to you in the car…and then the second time…you told me that it was when we were in bed, but-" he began. "Kate…will you marry me?"

"We're already-" she began with a soft chuckle.

"I know," he nodded. "But we should do it again. We should get married again so that I can remember it. And we can have a honeymoon and just get away. Pretend for a week that we're not parents-"

"You really hate it don't you?" she shook her head and swallowed. "You hate this family life stuff."

"No," he answered. "God Kate, no. Of course I don't hate it. Why would you-"

"Because you're wanting to start over. You want to pretend that our kids don't exist!"

"I don't-" he sighed. "I just want to remember the things that happened to us Kate. The pictures aren't doing it for me. I just-I thought that you would like the ring. I thought that you'd be happy-but I guess I messed this up too. It's your first day at your new job. You don't want to be late."

Sawyer sat back down at the table. Kate looked at her watch and noticed that she should have left 10 minutes ago. She wanted to stay and talk more about it, but he was right. She needed to get the her first day at the hospital. She left the house and Sawyer shook his head.

When Kate got home, she was somewhat late, but early enough to make dinner. Sawyer was sitting on the couch with Noah sitting next to him. Noah was watching cartoons. Kate saw several empty beer cans sitting on the coffee table. Kate breathed out sharply and looked at him.

"Sawyer, can I talk to you?" she asked.

"Hmm, yeah," he nodded.

"No," she shook her head. "I mean alone. In the kitchen."

Sawyer sighed and got up off the couch. He went into the kitchen and Kate looked at him.

"I can't believe you," she scoffed. "I can't believe you!"

"Whoa," he said. "What? What is your problem?"

"How much have you had to drink tonight?" she asked.

"What?" he scoffed. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't want you to be drunk when you're supposed to be the responsible adult in this house!"

"I'm not drunk," he answered.

"What would you call it?" she asked.

"I can't have a drink or two? You're late," he replied. "You get to spend as much time as possible out of this house and away from your kids! I'm stuck here all day just watching stupid cartoons and changing diapers. I need a drink every now and then. And besides the fact…I don't even remember any thing about these kids Kate."

"It's been 2 months," she answered. "You've gotten to know these kids in the past 2 months. You're spending all your time with these kids! You know them. Or maybe you're too drunk to remember."

"I'm not drunk," he argued. "I've only had 3."

"Maybe this is a sign," she whispered. "Maybe I shouldn't be going to work."

"Oh," he scoffed. "Then you'll get to resent me. You want to work. It's what you want. You love your job."

"Yeah," she nodded. "You're right. This is what I want James. But not at the expense of my kids."

"I love my kids," he murmured. "If you don't believe me then you can just go to hell Kate."

He walked away from her and back into the living room with Noah. He picked Noah up and carried him up the stairs. Kate followed him and stepped into the hallway. Sawyer came back out of Noah's room and looked at her.

"We never fight like this," she shook her head. "Please James. Just please, stop drinking. You can't-I can't keep fighting with you."

"Tonight," he began. "I'm going to get wasted. Maybe…maybe I'll drink so much that you won't even have to put up with me in the morning."

"James," she sobbed. He walked back down the stairs and Kate ran after him. He was sitting at the kitchen table when she got downstairs. He looked up at her and shook his head.

"Do you really think that little of me?" he asked. "I'm not drunk. I didn't get drunk with our kids in the house. God."

"Why did you-" she shook her head.

"Because I wanted you to follow me. We need to talk Kate," he said. "We didn't finish our conversation today."

"What conversation," she murmured.

"I proposed to you today," he replied. "And you got all pissed-"

"Because we're already married," she shook her head.

"And I don't remember it Kate," he sighed. "You don't know what that's like. I mean…how would you feel if you-if you woke up one morning and you had 2 kids that you didn't remember and-it just sucks Kate. I look at this kid-I see these stupid pictures of us in the hospital and at Noah's first birthday…all these stupid moments captured-I see myself in the pictures Kate, but I don't feel like I was even there. You don't know what it's like to look a picture of yourself and have absolutely no memory of being there. I don't want to be a bad father. But what kind of person doesn't remember their kids? The only thing I remember Freckles, is how much I love you."

She took his hands in hers and then pulled him into a hug.

"You're right," she whispered. "I have no idea what that must feel like."

"I really thought-" he sighed. "When I remembered where Veronica lived…I really thought that I was going to get my memories back."

"I asked," she closed her eyes and sighed softly. "I had forgotten…Veronica said that you picked Aaron up once from her house. It's how you remembered James. I'm sorry."

"Great," he murmured.

"But-" she began. "Sawyer, you don't have to go through this by yourself. I love you. I love you so much James."

"I love you too," he whispered and wrapped his arms around her again. She kissed his lips softly. He lifted her up and set her down on the table. She continued to kiss him. She ran her hands down the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Me too," he replied softly. She leaned forward and kissed him again.

"Tonight," she said into his mouth.

"What?" he asked. "Tonight, what?"

"We'll make love," she whispered.

"Did I hurt you last night?" he murmured. She shook her head and looked at him.

"Hell, part of me kinda wishes that you did," she sighed. "But you didn't hurt me James. In fact…I kinda-I kinda liked it."

"Mommy are we having dinner?" Noah asked, appearing in the kitchen. Kate quickly got off the kitchen table and looked at the little boy. She nodded and walked into the kitchen.

"Come on, buddy, let's help mommy," Sawyer said. He lifted Noah up to the kitchen counter. Kate let Noah and Sawyer help her make dinner. The baby started crying half way through cooking. Sawyer started going upstairs, but Kate stopped him.

"I want to go," she whispered. "I haven't seen him all day."

She ran up the stairs and into the baby's room. She picked him up and bounced him softly. The rest of the night was spent with the kids. Kate didn't put Teddy down even once.

Sawyer and Kate were laying in bed. Kate had her head against his chest. She was listening to his heart beating fast.

"Why is your heart beating so fast?" she asked softly.

"Anticipation," he told her, stroking her hair softly. She lifted her head and kissed his lips softly. She moaned softly. She pulled her shirt off and looked down at him.

"Make love to me," she whispered. "Just-if you love me as much as you say you remember…make love to me."

He leaned forward and kissed her lips softly, but deeply. She ran her hands across his chest. He moaned softly and ran his fingers across her back and down the back of her underwear. She chuckled softly and kissed his neck and down his chest. He pulled her underwear down and smiled at her. She let out a soft breath. He kissed down her chest. He kissed her stomach and made soft smacking sounds with his lips. He got low enough and Kate started panting softly. He moved back up to her face and kissed her lips. He didn't make a move downward again. Kate looked at him and rolled over on top of him.

"I thought you wanted me to make love to you," he whispered, and rolled them back over. He kissed her lips and sucked on her tongue softly. She gasped softly and tried to kiss him back the same way, but he wasn't allowing her to. He ran his lips and tongue down her neck. She put her hand on the back of his neck. He started lowering down again. She gasped as his fingertips grazed down her legs and then in between them. She ran her hand through her hair and moaned softly. He started using his mouth again. He kissed her stomach and then down further.

"James," she whispered. He began to use his tongue expertly. Kate moaned loudly. Sawyer was slow and gentle. She moaned and breathed deeply. He continued to pleasure her. She came and then he moved back up her body.

"Enough foreplay?" he said softly. She nodded slowly. She pulled his boxers down and looked at him in the eyes. She clung onto his neck as he lowered down. She licked her lips. He kissed her neck and shoulder. He nipped at her gently, leaving small red marks on her shoulder.

"Sawyer, harder," she moaned softly. He shook his head and kissed her lips. She pulled him closer and then moaned again loudly. He covered her mouth gently with his.

"Shhh," he said. He moved slower and softer. He reached between them and started touching her gently.

"Sawyer," she gasped and shook slightly. "I'm almost there…make me come."

He groaned into her ear and continued to move as slowly as he could. He pushed her slowly off the edge and she screamed loudly. He rolled off of her and then pulled her hips back toward his.

"Oh my God," she whispered. "It's never been that good."

Sawyer stayed quiet. He was spooning against her. He reached his hand down her stomach and began touching her again.

"Sawyer!" she exclaimed. "I can't-I can't handle it."

He touched her gently and pushed his hand against her. He touched her clit and continued to touch her. She arched her back against him.

"I want to kiss your mouth," he whispered into her ear. She kept her body still, but moved her head toward his. She kissed him and he ran his tongue over her lips. He kissed her lips, and didn't move his tongue at all. He continued to touch her and she continued to moan. He made her come again and then brought his hand up to where their faces were. He kissed her lips and moved his finger against her lips too.

"You taste-" he whispered. "I forgot. We haven't-I love the way you taste."

"Sawyer," she murmured. "I'm-I feel-I feel so lightheaded right now."

"Me too," he nodded. He leaned forward and kissed her neck

"Can I have my pants?" she asked softly.

"Why?" he chuckled.

"I want to go check on the boys," she whispered.

"What happened to cuddling?" he asked.

"I'll go check on the boys and then we have the rest of the night to lay in each other's arms. I promise."

"Alright," he murmured. He reached down on the ground by his side of the bed, and handed her, her pants. She pulled them on quickly and then pulled her t-shirt on. She walked into the hallway. She peaked in on Noah. He looked like he was sleeping soundly. She smiled to herself and then shut the door. Then she went to Teddy's room. Teddy was sleeping too. She walked toward the bed and looked down at the baby. She looked at the baby for a long time before going back into the bedroom. Sawyer was laying in the bed. She knew that he hadn't bothered getting redressed, which she was completely fine with. She walked over to him and crawled over him. She straddled his stomach and sat with her legs on either side of him.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," she smiled. She leaned down and kissed his lips. She went toward his ear and whispered softly. "Your turn."

"Hmm," he murmured. "I missed your mouth."

She looked at his lips and kissed them. Then she moved downward quickly. There was no clothes in the way. She kissed his chest and down his stomach. She didn't wait much longer before taking him completely in her mouth. He groaned loudly. She ran her tongue over him and sucked gently at first, but then harder. He moaned again and writhed underneath her. He came quickly and she chuckled softly and came back up his body.

"I'll take that as a compliment," she whispered. She laid down on his chest, and kept herself straddling his body. He wrapped his arms around her and ran his hands down her back and up the back of her shirt, then repeated the movement.

Suddenly there was loud knocking on the bedroom door.

"Mommy!" Noah screamed loudly. Kate quickly got off of Sawyer and out of the bed. Sawyer fumbled with his boxers, and Kate went to the door. She made sure that Sawyer was covered before she opened it. When she did, Noah jumped into her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Kate gasped softly and rocked him in her arms.

"Buddy," she whispered. "What happened?"

"The bad man," he sobbed. "The bad man in my dreams."

"Oh," she sighed. "Honey, it's just a dream. It's ok."

"I want to sleep here!" he exclaimed. "Please mommy!"

"OK," she nodded. "It's ok. It's alright baby."

She carried Noah back to the bed and put him down. She looked at Sawyer, slightly apologetically. He shrugged and touched Noah's back.

"You ok buddy?" Sawyer asked.

"No!" he sobbed and wrapped his arms around Kate's neck. Kate sighed softly again and looked at Sawyer. She got Noah to settle down and finally Noah fell back to sleep. Kate flipped over to face Sawyer. She shook her head.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"About what?" he asked.

"About this," she said. "I wanted us to cuddle and talk to each other. Tell each other dirty things."

"Really?" he smirked. "Say dirty things?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Is Noah asleep?" he asked.

"Y-yeah," she answered. "But whenever I move him, he-he wakes up."

"I can get him," he replied. Sawyer carefully got out of the bed and picked up Noah. Noah stirred slightly, but didn't wake up. Sawyer carried him back to his bedroom and then came back. He slid into bed next to Kate, and put an arm around her.

"Tell me your favorite part," she whispered.

"About fucking you?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. She sounded distracted and not like herself.

"I like to be completely inside of you," he answered softly. "I like to push myself completely into you. As far as I can go. I love having sex with you."

"Me too," she whispered.

"Goodnight Kate," he said into her ear.

"Goodnight," she stated. He tightened his arm around her and she fell asleep quickly.

* * *

The next day Sawyer was making lunch for Noah. Noah came into the kitchen and looked at him.

"Daddy," Noah began.

"It's almost ready," Sawyer replied.

"No, there's a man outside," Noah said. Sawyer furrowed his eyebrows and walked toward the door. Teddy began to cry, so Sawyer picked him up on the way to answer the door. He opened the door and there was a man standing on the front porch.

"Can I help you?" Sawyer asked.

"Are you James Ford?" the man asked.

"Depends on who's asking," Sawyer answered. "Mr. Hibbs sent me," he replied. "He has a brand new mark for you. And you can't forget that you still owe him over a million dollars."

"What?" he asked. "It's been 6 years. How the hell do you-"

"No James," the man shook his head. "About a year ago…your little wife-we threatened her-"

"If you-" Sawyer started.

"Yeah yeah," he nodded. "It's what you said last time…if we touch her, you'll kill us. Whatever. But we know where she works. And we know that you're stuck at home all day with these rugrats. You must be antsy James. You must want to help your wife with the financial issues in this family. You must want to earn some money."

"Give me the damn file," Sawyer replied. The man handed him an envelope and Sawyer shut the door in his face. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

"Forgive me Freckles," he murmured to himself. He opened the file.

**A/N: Review review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**1 Month Later**

Sawyer began to become even more distant with Kate. He was working on his newest con. Part of him was glad that Kate worked all day because then he wouldn't have to face her. He knew that Kate was going to be making more than enough money for their family, but something about the woman making more money than the man, really bugged him.

"Daddy," Noah said. "I want to go to the park."

"Ok," he sighed. "Let me get your brother ready then."

"Are we going to see that nice lady again?" Noah asked.

"I dunno," Sawyer mumbled.

Sawyer drove to the park, which was unusual. Normally they walked. Sawyer got the kids out of the car. He carried Teddy, and Noah ran toward the playground. He watched Noah carefully.

"Hey stranger," a voice said behind him. He looked behind him and saw Kristen walking toward him.

"Hi," he said softly.

"Haven't seen you in a while," she replied. "How are your kids?"

"Good," he murmured.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"Nothing," he shook his head. "I'm sorry. I just-"

"I want to see you Sawyer," she said. "I mean…I know that you have your hands full with your kids, but…I mean I know that being a single parent has to suck, but can't you get a babysitter or something? I want to spend some time with you alone."

"Why?" he asked softly.

"Because I thought that-" she began. "Never mind…I guess I was wrong."

"Wait," he sighed. "Go ahead."

"Spending time with you the last few weeks…and seeing you with your kids…I really like you Sawyer," she answered.

"Well I like you too," he smirked. "I'll see if I can get someone to baby-sit on Friday night."

"I want to spend the night with you Sawyer," she whispered. "I mean…I know it's only been-but…I dunno there's something about you-"

"I need-" he sighed. "Kristen, I know this is a lot to ask, but-I'm going-the funeral costs were huge. And now-they-they want to take my house."

"What?" she asked softly.

"They want me to take my kids and uproot them," he answered. "It's the last thing I have left of their mother-I just-I can't make them leave. I know they're still little, but-"

"How much do you owe?" she asked, pulling out her checkbook.

"N-too much," he shook his head. "Way too much. And we barely know each other-"

"We know enough of each other Sawyer," she answered. "And…I want to help you. How much?"

"A lot," he murmured.

"You gotta give me numbers if I'm gonna write the check," she smiled.

"100,000 dollars," he replied. She smiled weakly and started writing the check.

"I can't imagine what I could make you do once we're living together," he smiled.

"You're not making me do anything," she shook her head. "I'm offering."

After he got the check, Sawyer decided to drive to the mental hospital. He went into the hospital and dropped the kids off at the 30 minute daycare. He went to Jack's room quickly and knocked on the door. He had gone to see Jack several times, while Kate was at work. He sat down across from Jack and sighed softly.

"I don't know what to do Jack," he murmured. "I feel like I'm going to lose her."

"Are you going to sleep with this woman that you're conning?" Jack asked.

"No!" he exclaimed. "I just-if Kate finds out about this-she's going to kill me."

"I don't think she'll kill you," Jack smirked. "She wouldn't want to go to jail…again."

"You're not funny," Sawyer murmured. "Just-I came here to get some advice. So do you mind giving me some?"

"Tell her," he replied. "Tell her about what that guy wants and tell her because if she finds out you lied-I guarantee-"

"Yeah," Sawyer nodded. "I know. I just-you get why I did it right?"

"No," Jack shook his head. "I honestly can say I don't."

"So if Juliet was making more money than you, and taking care of all the money making, while you were stuck at home with the kids?"

"I don't have kids or Juliet," Jack answered.

"Well believe me," he began. "I love Kate. And those boys-but I'm an old fashioned southern boy when it comes to who brings home the bacon...and who cooks it."

"Really?" he scoffed. "You really think that Kate should be the one to cook and take care of the kids? She has a great job Sawyer!"

"I know!" Sawyer exclaimed. "And I love that she works, but I want to make some money too. I don't know how to be Mr. Mom."

"You've been doing it this long," Jack shrugged. "3 years?"

"And I don't remember it genius," Sawyer answered. "We have to get our memories back Jack. Any ideas."

"Oh yeah," he nodded. "Loads of ideas from inside a padded cell. You?"

"At home with 2 kids all day, the only thing I get to think of is The Wiggles," he replied.

"Well we can figure something out," Jack sighed. "But seriously…you need to talk to Kate."

**2 Months Later**

Sawyer hadn't taken Jack's advice. He was afraid of what Kate would say. He had continued to talk to Kristen, only to keep up appearances. The phone rang. It was a Saturday afternoon, so Kate was home. Sawyer reached over and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" he asked.

"James," the person on the other line said. "It's Hibbs."

"What do you want?" he asked softly. "I'm with my family."

"Well, I actually need to meet up," he answered. "And bring me my money."

"I already sent it 2 months ago," Sawyer replied.

"Well, then you must not have gotten the memo…100,000 more," he stated.

"I can't-" Sawyer began, but Hibbs hung up before he could continued. Sawyer sighed deeply and looked at Kate. Kate was holding Nate on her lap and reading a book with him. He looked over at Kate and rubbed his forehead.

"I gotta go," he murmured.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"Um-it was-it's a surprise," he smirked. "Somethin' I'm planning for you."

Sawyer left the house quickly. He called Kristen on the way there, but she didn't answer. He drove to the meeting place they agreed on and went into the diner. Hibbs was sitting at the counter. Sawyer sat down next to him and looked at him.

"You're gonna leave me and my family alone," Sawyer said.

"What?" Hibbs asked. "Are you worried about your wife? Or is it your 3 year old son Noah. Or maybe it's the 4 month old-"

"Shut up," Sawyer interrupted, balling her hands into fists.

"Where's my money?" he asked.

"I don't have it," he answered.

"Really?" Hibbs asked. "Well that's a crying shame James. Because I won't leave you or the family alone-"

"I'll do anything," Sawyer said. "I'll do anything as long as you leave them alone."

"Ok," he nodded. "Let's step outside and make a negotiation."

Sawyer and Hibbs went outside. Hibbs guided Sawyer to the side of the building. Before Sawyer could move Hibbs kicked him hard. He continued to kick him and punch him. Hibbs kicked him twice more and then ran off. Sawyer coughed and spat up blood. He moaned and stood up. He got to his car and drove home.

As soon as he got home he carefully made his way upstairs. Kate saw him moving up the stairs and stood up to see what was the matter. She ran up the steps and looked at him.

"James!" she gasped. "What happened?"

"Nothing," he murmured. "Don't worry about it."

"James," she said.

"Look," he sighed. "I really just want to take a shower."

"Are you going to eat dinner with us?" she asked.

"Course," he nodded. "I'm starved. I'll be right back down."

Kate rubbed her forehead and sighed deeply. She went back down the stairs and continued cooking dinner. She fed Teddy and then put him in the car seat on the floor next to the kitchen table.

"Mommy can we eat?" Noah asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Daddy will be back soon down soon."

She heard Sawyer's phone ringing. She got up from the table and went to answer it. He had left it in the hallway. She didn't recognize the phone number, but decided to pick it up.

"Hello?" she asked.

"I-uh-" the woman began. "I'm-is Sawyer there?"

"He's unavailable, who is this?" Kate asked.

"This is Kristen, I just got a message from him, who's this?" Kristen replied.

"This is his wife."

The phone went dead and Kate looked at the number again. She breathed in sharply and walked back to the kitchen table.

When Sawyer came back downstairs, the kids weren't anywhere to be seen and Kate was sitting at the kitchen table. She wasn't crying. She looked upset, but more mad than sad. He looked at her and she stood up.

"Who's Kristen?" she asked.

"What?" he asked. She held up his phone.

"Who is she Sawyer?" she questioned. "Are you cheating on me?"

"No," he shook his head.

"I answered your phone. She called, when you were in the shower."

"Son of a bitch," he sighed. "Kate I was going to tell you-"

"She can have you!" Kate exclaimed.

"Kate," he whispered. "Listen to me-"

"No," she shook her head.

"Yes. You have to," he replied. "Listen. I love you so much. I would never cheat on you. About a month ago I got a project-a man that I owe money to. He threatened you and the kids a year ago I guess…and now he's back because I never paid up. A couple months ago he wanted 100,000 dollars. He had a mark for me, and I had to do it…he just called-"

"Stole money from some innocent little girl?" she asked.

"I had no choice," he whispered. "It was either that, or lose you and the boys. I love you Freckles. I never want to hurt you."

"So that's who did this to you," she sniffled. "That's who beat the crap out of you? Why didn't you tell me? I could have-"

"I didn't want to take your money Kate!" he exclaimed.

"We're married James," she told him. "It's not my money….it's ours."

"I feel useless," he sighed. "I don't do anything worth while for this family-"

"You take care of our kids," she interrupted. "That's a lot James. Don't you realize how amazing that is?"

"But it doesn't-" he began.

"Ok," she interrupted. "Let me ask you something then. If I was spending all day at home with the kids, would you think I was a useless member of this family?"

"Course not," he mumbled. "I guess I just-I was brought up to believe the men make the money in the family. I just wanted to do something good."

"Well it wasn't good sweetheart," she answered. "You stole money from a little girl."

"Hey, she wasn't a little girl," he replied. "She was a woman. Older than you in fact."

"Ok, fine," she smirked. "You're going to give that money back to her. And by the way…another part about being married Sawyer, is talking about our problems. Is that why you've been drinking even more lately?"

"I guess," he murmured. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry!" she yelled. "Just stop! I can't do this all by myself!"

"If you haven't noticed, you're not doing it by yourself!" he exclaimed. "I'm here all by myself with these kids! And I don't-"

"You don't remember 3 years of Noah's life," she sniffled and shook her head. "You keep saying that Sawyer. But I can't-I can't keep hearing about it. It's not a good enough excuse for me."

"It's not an excuse," he replied. "I don't want to do this anymore."

He walked toward the pantry and took a bottle of vodka out of the top shelf.

"What are you doing?!" she exclaimed. "You're gonna drink? God…Sawyer, you can't. Please just-we can make it better."

"How?" he asked. "I'm always going to be your unemployed husband, and I'm always going to be the one to take care of the kids, and I'm never going to remember our life. I'm allowed to have a damn drink after thinking about all that."

"Fine," she sighed and shook her head. "I don't have the energy to fight with you tonight. You just better the hell get up when I leave tomorrow."

Sawyer went to pour himself a drink, but then set the bottle down. Kate walked toward him and wrapped her arms around him.

"We'll figure something out," she whispered. "We'll call Veronica. She can take the kids."

"Do you really want Veronica raising our kids?" he asked.

"Well no," she shook her head. "But if you want to work, I really don't see any other way."

"I can stay home," he breathed. "I just-I just want to know. I just want to remember."

"I know," she answered. "I know."

Kate and Sawyer both went up to bed. When Kate was fast asleep, Sawyer went down the stairs. He went into the kitchen and poured himself a large drink. He knew that he shouldn't. He used to hate it when his dad would drink. His dad used to scare him. But as long as he wasn't drunk in front of the kids, he would be ok.

The next morning he woke up and went about his normal routine. He was able to get up, and he wasn't hungover. He had a drink right before Kate got home. He was in the kitchen when she walked through the door. Noah ran toward her and jumped into her arms.

"Mommy, I missed you!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, I missed you too Noah," she answered and hugged him tightly. She walked toward Sawyer and kissed him softly. She looked at him and shook her head.

"I just had a drink," he scoffed. "One drink."

"You drank last night too," she told him. "I smelled it on your breath. Sawyer, if this doesn't change-this can't keep going on. You know what I went through with my dad-"

"I'm not going to hit you," he answered. "I would never hit you Kate."

"I know," she sighed. "But what if-what if you can't control yourself. What if you get drunk and one of the kids needs to go to the emergency room? I mean-"

"Kate, it was one drink!" he yelled. "Just one! And I knew you'd be home any minute!"

Noah started crying. Kate closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She walked over to Noah and picked her up.

"Daddy mad," he sobbed. Kate hushed him and carried him over to the couch. Kate sat down with him and rubbed his back.

"It's ok," she whispered. "Daddy isn't mad at you."

"Mad at you," Noah said. Kate sighed again and looked over to Sawyer, who was standing across the room. He looked at Kate for a few more minutes and then left the house. She heard the tires squealing, and knew she was too late to stop him. She wanted to go after him, but it was more important for her to stay with Noah. She reached over for the phone and dialed 9-1-1.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?" the dispatcher said.

"Um," Kate sniffled. "My husband just left my house…he's been drinking. I don't know how much he's had."

"So you want us to pull him over?" she asked.

"I don't know," Kate breathed. "I just don't want to get a call from you in a few hours that he's gotten into some kind of accident."

"Ok, do you know his license plate number?" she asked.

"CBR 343," she answered.

"Ok," the dispatcher continued. "I'll put that out on the radios, and we'll call you back when we find him."

"Thank you," Kate whispered.

Kate gave Noah a bath and put him to bed. He didn't want to go to sleep before Sawyer got back home, but eventually he fell asleep. Kate didn't really want to go to sleep either, but she crawled into bed and tried to anyway. Several hours later she heard the front door open. She didn't get out of bed, but she made sure that he knew that she was awake. He came into the room and practically fell against the bed. He grumbled and moved under the covers.

"You made it home in one piece," she whispered.

"I took a cab home for your information," he answered. "In fact you and the bartender would have gotten along real well…he just took my keys. They were resting on the bar one minute and gone the next."

"Good," she said.

"Yeah," he murmured. "It's great that I won't have a car tomorrow."

"Sawyer, you're drunk," she shook her head. "You're sitting here, and you're drunk. You're going to be so hungover tomorrow and you're not going to want to get up and play with the kids."

"Screw you," he answered. "Just shut up and go to bed."

"I haven't been able to sleep James!" she exclaimed. "Don't you get that. I stayed awake worrying about you. Worrying that I was going to get some kind of call that you were dead!"

"Stop being so dramatic," he said.

"Fuck you," she replied. "Go to bed…sleep it off."

**2 Weeks Later**

Kate came home from work early. It was 5:00. She walked into the house with Veronica. Sawyer looked up from the newspaper he was reading. He had a drink in his hand. He had stopped trying to hide it from Kate.

"Oh, you're home early," he said.

"Veronica's going to take the kids tonight," Kate whispered.

"Why?" he asked.

"So we can have some time alone," she answered.

"Time alone?" he asked. "Why are you being all mysterious?"

"Bye Noah," Kate said, ignoring Sawyer. She kissed him softly. "I'll see you tomorrow baby."

Veronica left the house and Kate walked into the kitchen. Sawyer followed her and wrapped his arms around her body. She sighed softly. She pushed him away and walked toward the pantry.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"You're done," she said.

"What?" he asked.

"All of this," she shook her head. "I can't handle it anymore, so I'm dumping out the liquor."

"What?" he said again. "You're giving me an intervention!"

"Yes," she stated.

"You can't tell me what to do?!" he exclaimed.

"No," she shook her head. "I can't. But I can take away everyone in your life. I will take the boys and you won't see them until you get sober."

"This is such bull shit!" he exclaimed. "I don't have a problem!"

"Yes you do," she sobbed. "Yes you do Sawyer. I know you don't want to admit it, but you're drunk most of the time!"

"You don't care about me," he said. "If you're going to leave me and keep my kids from me? You don't love me."

"Yes I do," she answered. "I love you so much Sawyer-"

"I don't want to hear it," he replied. "And I don't have to. Goodbye."

He picked up his keys and left the house. Kate quickly tried to follow him, but it was too late. Kate quickly went back into the house and got her keys. She followed him. She drove around for 15 minutes and then found him getting out of his car and walking down Main street. She got out of the car and ran after him.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she exclaimed.

"I'm getting a drink, since obviously I can't get one at home," he answered.

"Give me your keys!" she yelled.

"No!" he screamed back. He started going back to his car and Kate tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen. She got into the front seat and crossed her arms over her chest. "Get out of the car Kate!"

"No," she shook her head.

"Fine," he sighed. He sped off. The sound of metal against metal was horrible. Kate went unconscious immediately.

Sawyer opened his eyes, he was in the ambulance. He looked around and groaned softly.

"Kate," he whispered. "Where's Kate?"

"She's alright, she's in the other ambulance," the paramedic said. Suddenly Sawyer realized that he remembered. He remembered the wedding day. He remembered the honeymoon and when Kate told him that she was pregnant. He remembered holding Kate's hand the day Noah was born. It was all too much, and he passed back out.

When Kate woke up she was in the hospital. She knew that she had a broken arm. She could feel the heavy cast covering her arm. She knew that shards of glass had hit her face. She felt someone holding her other hand and sobbing next to her. She turned her head and saw Sawyer. She quickly pulled her hand away.

"Kate," he sobbed. "Kate, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I need help. I need you. I need help. Help me."

Kate looked away at first, but then looked back and stroked his head softly.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: So I didn't have the internet for 2 days…I was looking forward to having my internet back and coming back to some reviews for my story. I would like to thank SkatelostgirlLS for giving me my one and only. Muah. Much love.**

Later that night Sawyer hadn't left the room. Kate hadn't said anything to him. He apologized over and over again. Kate's night nurse came in to check her vitals.

"Sir, uh, visiting hours are over," the nurse told Sawyer. Kate still didn't say anything or move.

"I'm not leaving," Sawyer said.

"Please, don't make me call security," she said calmly.

"It's my fault!" he exclaimed loudly.

"What?" the nurse asked.

"This," he murmured. "All of this is my fault. I have to make it up to her."

"Well you can make it up to her in the morning," the nurse continued. "Because like I said…visiting hours are over-"

"No!" he yelled.

"Shut up Sawyer," Kate finally said. "Go home. I'll come home tomorrow. I don't need you-"

"No," he shook his head. "I'm never leaving you again-"

"I don't want you here," she interrupted.

Sawyer frowned and stood up. He quickly left the room, shoving his way past the nurse. Kate rolled over and started sobbing softly. The nurse walked over to her bed and sat down next to the bed.

"Do you want me to keep him away?" the nurse asked. "We can call the security guard to sit by your door."

"No," she shook her head. "It's ok."

"Did he beat the shit out you?" she whispered. "Because Ms. Ford you should-"

"It's Mrs. Ford," Kate interrupted. "And no…he didn't hit me. He-he was drunk-"

"So it's ok, because he was drunk?" the nurse questioned.

"No," Kate sighed. "He was drunk and I got into the car and-he was driving. But it was my fault that I got into the car."

"Are you going to stay with him?" she asked.

"I love him, and it's really none of your business," she replied.

"Yeah," the nurse nodded. "Yeah…you're right. But-"

"He needs my help," Kate said. "Do you have anything about-how to treat alcoholism?"

"I'll be right back."

Sawyer was sitting at the kitchen table by himself, in the dark. He knew that he had to stop drinking. He thought about Kate first and foremost. He thought about her laying in a hospital bed. She had wanted him to leave. He hated that she didn't want him to stay. He wondered if she was ever going to forgive him. He thought about the last 3 years. The 3 years that he didn't remember before, but now they were as clear as day. He remembered watching Kate walk toward him down the aisle on their wedding day. He remembered her hair was in a lose up-do, with tight curls falling gently over her face. She didn't wear a veil. Instead she had soft pink flowers in her hair. Her dress was tight against her body, and lacey. He remembered her comment as soon as she reached him. She took his hand and smiled, and then said; "This will be the last time I'll be able to wear a dress this tight," she whispered. He told her that she would be able to fit back into it one day and then told her that she looked gorgeous.

Even though he remembered all those happy moments, the only thing on his mind was the sounds of screeching tires and Kate screaming. He stood up quickly and knocked the chair to the ground. He almost tripped over the chair as he went toward the liquor cabinet. He opened the cabinet and poured himself a large drink. He put the glass to his lips, but then suddenly before the liquid touched his lips he slammed the glass to the ground and breathed out deeply.

"Son of a bitch," he whispered to himself and sat back down at the table.

Kate went home the next day. She was sitting on the couch with Teddy in her arms. Sawyer was waiting on her hand and foot. He came into the room and handed Kate a glass of water.

"I don't-" she began.

"The doctor said you needed plenty of fluids," he interrupted, but mumbled. Noah looked at Sawyer and then at Kate. He didn't understand why Kate was hurt.

"Thank you," Kate whispered.

"I'll leave you alone now," he answered. "Come on Noah. Mommy needs her rest."

"I want to stay here!" Noah exclaimed.

"It's ok," Kate said. Sawyer nodded and quickly went up the stairs. Kate heard him shut the door. She sighed softly and looked down at Teddy, who was silently staring at her. She kissed his forehead and sighed again.

Sawyer stayed away from Kate for the rest of the day, until dinner. Kate was in the kitchen beginning to cook, and Sawyer came up behind her.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm cooking," she answered softly.

"You need to be resting," he told her.

"I've been resting all day," she replied. "I just want to make dinner and eat."

"Kate-" he started.

"Please James, just let me do this," she said.

"Ok," he nodded. He walked away, but stayed in the kitchen.

Later that night Sawyer and Kate were laying in bed, not touching. Kate rolled over to face him and sighed softly.

"James," she whispered.

"Yeah," he said. He reached forward, but then quickly pulled his hand back.

"I just want all of this to go away," she whispered.

"What do you mean?" he asked softly.

"I love you so much James," she shook her head.

"God, I love you too Freckles," he said. "You have to know that. I mean…you do know that right?"

"Yeah," she murmured.

"Who are you trying to convince?" he mumbled too.

"You like fighting with me," she sighed.

"What?" he asked.

"You like to argue with me," she stated. "Listen. Sawyer…I want to trust you. I want to trust that you won't drink-"

"I will never drink another drop," he replied. "Not after I hurt you."

"Kiss," she said softly and leaned toward him. She kissed him gently and slowly. He kissed her back, but then backed away and shook his head.

"How can you want to kiss me Kate?" he asked. "After what I did to you-"

"Because I love you," she replied. "And because I know that you feel guilty. And because I know that you won't drink anymore."

"I won't," he shook his head quickly. I'm not-I won't Kate."

"I know," she nodded. "I know-"

"And if I do-" he began. "Then you can kick me out immediately. I'll never see you or the boys ever again-"

"Sawyer," she sighed. "Even if you slip up again…I'm not going to keep you from your boys. You love those kids more than anything. I know you don't remember-"

"Yes I do," he interrupted. "I haven't had the chance to tell you yet. I remember everything."

"What?" she asked with a slight smile.

"I remember," he said. "I remember our life Kate. Everything. I remember going to your first ultrasound with you and hearing Noah's heartbeat for the first time.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered.

"Because-" he shrugged. "I just felt so damn guilty. I wanted to remember by myself and-"

"Do me a favor James," she began. "Shh."

She leaned back toward him and kissed him softly and slowly. He quickly kissed her back and flipped over on top of her. She gasped and then he stopped.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head. "Keep going."

He gently continued to kiss her. She kissed him back and started taking clothes off. He stopped her when she started at his boxers.

"Wait," he whispered.

"For what?" she asked.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" he asked. "I mean, you were in a car crash last night-"

"So were you," she replied.

"But I wasn't hurt," he said.

"I'm fine," she whispered. "I'm fine James. I promise. I just want to have sex with my husband."

"How?" he asked. "How can you still want me?"

"Sawyer," she sighed deeply. "For God's sake…look at me. I forgive you. Now all you have to do is forgive yourself."

"I can't," he murmured. "Not for hurting-"

She immediately pressed her lips to his again to make him shut up. They kissed and Sawyer was careful of her broken wrist, and her bruises. She put his hands against her hips and looked at him. He pulled her underwear down carefully and slowly. She pulled his boxers down and nodded at him.

"Kate," he whispered. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she nodded. He pushed into her and put his face against her neck. She moaned softly and ran her fingers down his back. She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer. He breathed in her ear and began kissing her neck. They both came and Sawyer rolled off of her. She rested her head on his chest and sighed contentedly.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't ruin this," she replied. "Tell me a story."

"What?" he laughed.

"Tell me a story about our life," she answered.

"Don't you believe me?" he asked.

"Yes," she nodded. "Of course I believe you, but-I just want to hear a story. A story about us."

"Ok," he whispered. "The day we got married…I was so nervous that I thought I wouldn't make it through the entire ceremony."

"Why were you so nervous?" she asked.

"Because," he began. "I was getting married, and having a damn baby."

"Did you just call Noah, a damn baby?" she asked.

"Yep," he nodded. "Kate, I was terrified. I knew that I loved you…I mean, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And Noah and Teddy. They're my life. You know that…right?"

"You used to say that all the time," she sniffled.

"Are you cryin'?" he asked. "Baby, don't cry-"

"I'm just so glad to have you back," she whispered. "We're supposed to be like this. This is how we're supposed to be."

"I love you Freckles," he said. "It was hell-not remembering. I knew something was missing. I knew-I mean…I remember not remembering. And it sucked."

"It's ok now," she whispered. "And-y'know make-up sex is my favorite thing in the world."

"What?" he smiled.

"I love making up with you," she answered.

"Hmm, well I don't mind it either," he replied with a smirk.

"I want to take this fucking cast off," she sighed. "It's so uncomfortable."

"Does it hurt?" he whispered and took her hand in his.

"Not at all," she shook her head. "My head kinda hurts."

"Well I think you're full of shit," he replied.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"Your wrist is broken. And it doesn't hurt?" he asked. "You can tell m if it hurts."

"No I can't," she shook her head. "Because then you're just going to blame yourself."

"I already do blame myself Kate," he responded. "Just tell me the damn truth."

"It doesn't hurt," she insisted. "My wrist feels fine. I don't even think it's broken."

"Oh, so now you're a doctor?" he asked.

"Well, yes, actually…I am," she answered. "And by the way…I'm going back to work on Monday."

"No you're not," he shook his head. "You're gonna stay home and rest-"

"You can't tell me what to do," she said.

"Yes I can," he replied.

"Nuh uh," she retaliated.

"Wait," he started. "Is this a fight?"

"Y-yeah," she nodded. "I think it is."

"So then should we make up?" he asked softly.

"Hell yes," she smiled.

**1 Week Later**

Kate got out of bed quickly. She was late for work as it was but she felt sick to her stomach. She threw up in the toilet and sat down on the bathroom floor. Sawyer came into the bathroom and sat down next to her.

"You alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she nodded. "I'm just feeling a little under the weather."

She threw up for the next 20 minutes. Sawyer ended up calling the hospital to tell them that she wasn't coming to work. He put Kate back into bed and she looked at him with a smile.

"I want my boys," she said.

"No," he shook his head. "You're sick. You might be contagious."

"Fine," she murmured. She laid down and moaned softly. Half way through the day Sawyer came up with a bowl of soup and saltine crackers.

"This should settle your stomach," he said. "The boys are sleeping, so I can keep you company."

"Ok," she nodded. "I'm kinda craving ice cream."

"What?" he asked.

"Cookies and cream ice cream," she replied.

"Kate," he whispered.

"I know," she nodded.

"You hate cookies and cream," he said.

"I know," she replied.

"You crave it when you're pregnant," he said.

**A/N: Please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

Sawyer was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office. Noah was on the floor playing with some blocks. Teddy was sleeping contentedly in his car seat. Sawyer kept looking over at him. There was a woman near him who had 4 kids. 2 of them were screaming. She looked over at Sawyer and frowned.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"It's ok," he nodded. "Got two of em-I know how you feel."

"You got twins?" she asked.

"Does it look like they're twins?" Sawyer replied.

"Then you don't have any idea," she said.

"Fair enough," he chuckled and nodded. Teddy started crying loudly. Sawyer looked over and picked him up. He rocked him slowly and Teddy almost immediately settled down.

"How did you do that?" she whispered. Sawyer stayed quiet, but smirked.

Kate came through the door and walked over to Noah.

"Come on," she said. "Let's go."

"Well?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head and wiped a tear away. She picked Noah up and began toward the door. Sawyer looked at her and furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm not pregnant…let's just go. I want to go home."

"Ok," he whispered. He stood up and put the baby back in his car seat. They walked to the car and Kate put both kids in the car. Sawyer got into the car and started it.

On the drive home Kate was quiet. She wiped the tears each time they formed in her eyes. Sawyer reached across the seat and took her hand.

"It's ok," he whispered. Kate didn't say anything, but she nodded slowly. They got home and Kate went up stairs. Sawyer got the kids out of the car and went into the living room. A few minutes later Kate came back down the stairs. She sniffled softly and looked at him.

"I have to go out," she said.

"What?" he asked.

"I need to go somewhere," she replied. "I'll be back later."

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"I'll be back later," she said. She left the house and Sawyer was left alone. He sighed softly. He watched the boys, but he was completely distracted by how Kate reacted. He knew that she was upset, but he wasn't sure why she was so upset. Teddy was only a few months old. By the time they had a new baby he would only be a year old. He decided that the next day he would go and see Jack to continue his work on trying to get him out of the nut house.

Kate was gone most of the day and into the night. Sawyer put the kids to bed by himself and then went downstairs to wait for Kate to come home. She walked through the door at quarter to 12, midnight. He looked at her and stood up.

"Where the fuck have you been?" he asked angrily. She didn't say anything. She stomped toward him quickly and shoved him up against the couch. She covered his mouth with hers and moaned loudly. He moaned too and then pushed her away slightly. "Kate-"

She put her mouth against his and sucked quickly on his lips and tongue. She quickly pulled her pants down and straddled his legs. She pushed up against his chest and breathed deeply and sharply. She reached for his hand and put his hand into her underwear. She pushed one of his fingers into her, along with one of hers. She gasped sharply at making herself wet. He continued to let her do all the work. She made herself come without him having to do anything. Then she stood up. Her underwear were still on, but she left her pants on the floor. She pulled him up and he quietly followed her up the stairs. Kate had a death grip on his hand. They walked into the bedroom and Kate pulled her underwear down and stepped out of them. She pulled her shirt off and unhooked her bra, letting it fall to the floor as she walked. She still had her hand holding on to his. She quickly pulled all the covers off the bed and sat down. She pulled Sawyer toward her, but didn't kiss him. Instead she pulled his shirt off quickly and then moved to his pants. She shoved them off, along with his boxers. She looked at him and moaned loudly. She stood back up and put her hands on his shoulders. She spun him around and shoved him onto the bed. He stayed sitting up and she got on top of him. She pushed herself down on him quickly and rested her hand on his neck. He ran his hands over her breasts and she moved quickly. She licked her lips as she moved and then leaned forward to his. They kissed. This time it was Sawyer to suck and lick her tongue and lips. He was eager. He came hard, but she continued to stay on top of him. She finally breathed out deeply and rolled off of him.

"I want to do it again," she said, touching his arm and pulling him back toward her lips.

"What?" he asked. "Kate-"

"We can wait," she breathed. "But-fuck me all night James."

"Freckles," he groaned. He rolled on top of her and kissed her deeply. She reached between them and started touching him. He quickly got hard again and she looked up at him. He pushed into her and she bucked her hips. He started moving slowly, but as she kept thrusting against him, he started thrusting harder.

"Hmm," she moaned and licked her lips again. "Harder."

He lifted himself up above her and she let out a breath, waiting for him to come back down. He wasn't coming down. He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand and then pushed into her hard and fast. She screamed loudly. He covered her scream with his hand and she put her hand on top of his and then pulled his hand away.

"Yes!" she screamed again. "James! James!"

He growled into her ear and came again. He collapsed on top of her and breathed heavily.

"Fuck," he whispered. "Kate. Holy shit."

She chuckled and breathed heavily too. She rolled them over so she was on top of him. She straddled his stomach and she looked down at him.

"I love this," she said. "I love being loud. I want to scream louder next time. And don't cover my mouth."

"Kate-what about Noah?" he asked.

"Noah and Teddy are both sleeping so soundly," she whispered. "They won't hear us. And if they do, we'll just make something up."

"Like what?" he asked.

"Like, we were fucking like bunnies," she answered.

"What's going on Freckles?" he asked, slightly weirded out by the way she was talking.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "I just love fucking you. I love making love. I love you."

"Well I love you too," he answered.

"I know," she nodded quickly. "So what's wrong with showing some love and affection?"

"Nothing," he chuckled.

"Good," she replied. "Because tomorrow…Veronica's coming at 7:00 am to come get the boys. I'm calling in sick to work and we're going to fuck in every room of the house."

"Baby, listen to me," he whispered. "Teddy is still a little guy. I mean…he's only 5 months old."

"5 and a half," she answered. "But what does that have to do with anything."

"Ok," he sighed. "Fine. 5 and a half. But just because you're not pregnant, doesn't mean that we have to have constant sex just to get you pregnant."

"I don't care that I'm not pregnant," she shook her head. "I just feel like we haven't had sex like this since before the kids were born. I just want to fuck like we did before. Be loud and kinky and fuck on the kitchen counter. Suck you off on the couch."

"Freckles," he whispered and moaned. She kissed his lips and didn't let either of them up for air.

"You're so fucking hot," she whispered.

"Hmm, you too," he replied.

"Your skin," she said, running her fingertips against his chest and back. Then her lips gently. She rested her head against his chest and sighed softly. "I'm tired."

"Me too," he sighed. "See you in the morning."

"Damn right you're gonna see me in the morning," she answered.

In the morning Kate woke Sawyer up by dragging him out of bed and into the shower. She wasn't lying about doing it in every room. She didn't stop for anything. They ate lunch, naked, in bed. When the kids came back she almost seemed disappointed. When they were back, Kate didn't seem to want to talk to Sawyer anymore. They put the kids to bed and walked back to their room. Kate sat down on the bed and started pulling her clothes off.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I say we have an encore," she whispered. She got naked and got under the covers. Sawyer didn't get naked, but he did get under the covers. He looked at her and put his hand against her cheek.

"Tell me what's going on Kate," he said.

"Nothing," she answered.

"Listen to me," he stated. "I remember you saying that we have to talk to each other. We can't keep any secrets. I know something is wrong. I mean we've been having sex for 24 hours straight. I'm drained. I can't-just tell me-did you cheat on me?"

Suddenly Kate started sobbing. She put her face against his chest and cried. She didn't seem like she was ever going to stop crying. He rubbed her back and sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I know you didn't cheat, I just want to know what's wrong."

"I'm sick," she whispered softly.

"What?" he asked. She continued to sob. Sawyer could barely understand what she was saying.

"I'm sick," she repeated.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"The throwing up," she began. "The weakness. Dizziness. Craving fucking cookies and cream ice cream. I'm sick."

"With what?" he whispered.

"Cancer."

**A/N: OK. So barely any readers. 1 review in the last 3 chapters=ending the story. I'll do one more chapter. It will probably be long, but it will be the last one. I was going to try and keep this story going as long as I could, but I can't keep writing to no reviews.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys! This will still technically be the last chapter, but I'll do an epilogue**.

"What?" he asked. Teddy started crying. Kate rolled out of the bed and threw her robe around herself. She quickly left the room. Sawyer heard Kate talking to Teddy over the baby monitor. He heard her singing softly. He stood up and went into the bedroom. Kate was sitting in the rocking chair singing rock-a-bye baby.

"This song is a little disturbing," Kate whispered, pausing and looking up at Sawyer.

"Daddy?" Noah came into the room, rubbing his eyes.

"What are you doing awake buddy?" Sawyer asked softly. He picked Noah up and carried him back to his bedroom.

"Daddy, will you tell me a story?" he said.

"No," Sawyer shook his head. "It's too late. It's time for bed."

He put Noah down in the bed and sat down next to the bed. Noah went back to sleep quicker than Sawyer ever expected him to. He got up carefully and walked back to Teddy's bedroom. Kate was still sitting in the rocking chair, looking down at him. He was sleeping. He was sucking on Kate's finger. Kate was sniffling softly.

"He's so perfect James," she whispered.

"Only because he's ours," he replied and stroked her head softly. "Kate-"

"It's bad," she whispered. "The cancer…it's bad."

"Where is it?" he asked.

"Kidneys," she said. "Both of them. I need a kidney transplant. The doctor said I needed one yesterday."

"Well then we're going to find a transplant," he answered. "I'll give you both of my kidneys if I have to."

She chuckled and sobbed. She stood up and put the baby back down in the crib. She walked with Sawyer back to their bedroom. She sighed softly and laid down in the bed. He laid down next to her and handed her the rest of her clothes.

"We're not doing this tonight," he whispered. "I'm just gonna hold you."

"Sounds pretty good to me," she answered and wrapped her arms around him, without getting redressed. He held her gently. She cried softly. He breathed softly, trying to force the tears away from his eyes. He pressed his face against her neck and breathed in her hair.

"Are you crying?" she sniffled.

"No," he shook his head. "I'm staying strong for you Kate."

She backed away and wiped her thumbs under his eyes.

"You can cry," she said softly. He shook his head and took a deep breath. After Kate fell asleep, Sawyer tiptoed down the stairs. He went to the liquor cabinet which was empty of everything but a bottle that he had hidden, and never told Kate about. He found it and poured himself a large drink.

"Fuck," he whispered to himself. "Fuck. Fuck."

He thought it would make him feel better, but it didn't. He drank the glass of vodka and it still didn't make him feel better. It only made him feel worse. He went to the downstairs bathroom and forced himself to throw up before the alcohol could get into his system. He sobbed softly and then heard soft footsteps. Kate was standing in the doorway. She had seen the bottle of liquor and had it in her hand.

"Come on," she whispered. She walked with him to the sink and she dumped it down.

"You're not mad at me?" he asked.

"I'm furious," she answered. "But right now, I have other shit on my mind Sawyer."

He nodded and they went back up stairs together. Neither of them got much sleep that night. The next day Sawyer went to the doctor to find out if he was a match for Kate. He wasn't which upset him, but he promised her that they would find someone.

Kate insisted that she wanted to keep on going to work and acting like everything was normal. Especially for Noah's sake. She worked all day and then went to get radiation treatment at night. Sawyer didn't like that she was still taking on a full work load. He knew that she was exhausted, even if she didn't want to admit it herself.

He spent the next 3 weeks at home with the kids, worried to death about Kate. He went to the store and bought another bottle of vodka. He hadn't taken a drink from it, but he had it just in case.

He was sitting on the floor playing a board game with Noah. Teddy was sitting next to him giggling and babbling.

"Dadda," Teddy said. Sawyer smiled widely and picked him up and put him on his lap.

"Did you just say da-da?" Sawyer asked.

"Dada," Teddy said again. Sawyer stood up and lifted Teddy up.

"Your momma is going to be so sad that she missed this!" he exclaimed.

"Daddy, who's that?" Noah asked, pointing at the window. Jack was standing outside on the porch. Sawyer quickly put Teddy down and went to the door. He wrenched the door opened and looked at Jack.

"Well well well," Sawyer said. "Long time no see. How the hell did you get out?"

"I stopped talking about the island," Jack whispered.

"We told you to do that 3 years ago," Sawyer chuckled. "So what the hell took you so long?"

"I dunno," he smirked. "But I'm assuming Kate's at work right?"

"Yeah, uh Jack-" Sawyer began.

"I just wanted to come over and let you know that I'm free," he interrupted. "These are your kids. Noah right?"

"And Teddy," Sawyer nodded. "Listen, Jack, I-um."

"Hi," Jack said, getting down next to Noah. "My name is Jack."

"Hi," Noah said. "You wanna play Candy Land?"

Jack looked up at Sawyer, almost as if a child asking permission from his father. Sawyer sat down and put Teddy back on his lap.

"Sure," Sawyer nodded. "Jack can join our game. He can take my place."

"No daddy!" Noah exclaimed.

"Ok ok," Sawyer surrendered quickly. "I didn't mean to upset you. Sorry buddy."

"So how's everything going?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," Sawyer sighed. "I kinda needed to tell you something about that-um Jack-"

"Shh!" Noah exclaimed. "You can't talk during our game."

"Noah," Sawyer breathed deeply. "We'll be right back. I need to talk to Jack for a minute."

"Momma said you can't go away," Noah said smartly.

"Fine," Sawyer replied. "But we're not going to play the game right now. I need to tell Jack something and then we'll play ok? Watch cartoons."

"What's going on Sawyer?" Jack asked.

"Kate," he murmured. "She um-she has cancer."

"What?!" he exclaimed loudly.

"Listen," Sawyer sighed. "She's really scared. I don't know what to do. She needs a kidney and she's on this stupid waiting list because no one we know is a match."

"When did this happen?" Jack asked.

" 'bout 3 weeks ago," Sawyer answered.

"Why didn't you come see me sooner!" he exclaimed. "Me and Kate have the same blood type!"

"I know," Sawyer sighed. "But Jack, that's not always a match for a kidney-"

"Don't you think I know that?" Jack asked. "I am a fucking doctor."

"Hey," Sawyer said. "You know I don't care about the swearing but don't swear in front of my kids."

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I just can't believe you kept this from me."

"Jack it wasn't about keeping it from you," Sawyer answered. "Kate didn't want anyone to know. What was I supposed to do? Go against her wishes?"

"When it comes to something like this," Jack nodded. "Yes."

"I know," Sawyer whispered.

"I'm going to get tested right now," Jack said.

Sawyer waited the rest of the day. Jack didn't come back. Sawyer wasn't sure what to think. He wished that he would have gone to Jack sooner. A good husband wouldn't care what their wife thought. A good husband would do everything in their power to keep their wife alive. He almost felt sick to his stomach to think about Kate not being here anymore.

Kate came home at 7:00. She went slowly upstairs. Jack was following her closely. He helped her climb the stairs.

"Thanks Jack," Sawyer heard her whisper. He shook his head and went up the stairs two at a time to catch up with them. Kate hardly ever used the upstairs bathroom. That bathroom was 'the boys' bathroom. She always used the bathroom in the master bedroom. But when Sawyer passed the bathroom Kate was kneeling at the toilet, with Jack gently holding her hair. Sawyer went into the bathroom and knelt next to her other side.

"Kate?" he asked.

"Sawyer," she mumbled. "I don't-I don't want you to see me this way."

"Kate-" he began, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Please," she whispered.

"I got it Sawyer," Jack said. "I'll help her, and then we'll come back downstairs so she can see those kids, right."

"Yeah," she whispered and nodded. Sawyer scoffed softly, but got up and left the bathroom. He went back down the stairs and waited.

Kate came down later. It looked like she had taken a shower. She came and sat next to Sawyer on the couch. She took his hand in hers, but didn't lean against him the way she usually did. Jack came down and sat down on the other side of her.

"You ok?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah," she whispered. "Jack's a match."

"That's great," Sawyer said. He tried to sound enthusiastic. He tried to sound happy. He was happy that Jack was a match, but he wasn't so sure that he was so happy about Kate not wanting him to help her in the bathroom.

"Daddy I'm hungry!" Noah exclaimed.

"Dinner's almost ready," he stated. "Mrs. Mahoney brought us a casserole."

The neighbors had all heard about Kate being sick, and they all decided to bring them dinner a couple nights a week. Kate shook her head.

"I'm not hungry," she replied.

"Kate, you should eat something," Sawyer said. "You have to keep your strength up. In fact, I don't think you should be working as hard as you are. I'm going to call you in tomorrow."

"No!" she exclaimed loudly. "You know nothing about this James. You can't possibly understand the way I'm feeling. I want to just go to sleep. I don't want to eat. And as for me not going to work…hell no. I'm going and you can't stop me."

"Y'know," Jack began. "Kate, I know that you-I know you don't have an appetite at all, but Sawyer's right. You really should eat. You have another round tomorrow and you're going to be so tired. I also really think you need to take at least a day off from work."

Kate sighed softly, and didn't say anything. She looked at Jack and nodded.

"Fine," she whispered. Sawyer rolled his eyes and got off the couch. He went into the kitchen and set the table. He made as much noise as he could without breaking the dishes. He took dinner out of the oven and looked at the counter. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Dinner!" he exclaimed.

Dinner was quiet. Sawyer didn't look up from his plate other than to answer a question by Noah. Kate fed Teddy a jar of baby food. He looked over at Sawyer and reached for him.

"Dada!" he whined and cried. Sawyer stood up and picked him up.

"He just-" Kate smiled and then her smile quickly faded.

"I-" Sawyer began. "He said it earlier today. I forgot. With everything else going on-I just kinda forgot to tell you."

"You didn't-" she began. "Did he become potty trained too?"

"I wish," he murmured.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked.

"There's no way you could possibly understand the way it feels to watch you go through this," he said somewhat coldly. He carried Teddy out of the room and went upstairs with him to change his diaper. Kate looked at Jack and shook her head.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Me too," Jack nodded. "I shouldn't have butted in."

"Jack, you're going to give me a kidney," she said. "You can butt in any time you want to."

"OK," he answered. "Go talk to him Kate. I know that this sucks for you…but it sucks for him too."

She nodded and left the table. She went upstairs. Sawyer wasn't in Teddy's room anymore, but Teddy was in his crib. He wasn't crying. Kate went into their bedroom and Sawyer was sitting on the floor in front of the bed. He had his head down in his arms. Kate took a deep breath and walked toward him. She sat down next to him and touched his arm.

"I'm gonna be ok," she whispered. "Jack's giving me a kidney."

"And he'll always understand better," Sawyer answered. "Because he's the doctor and he's going through this with you. I'm just a person living here."

"Sawyer stop it," she scoffed. "You know that's not what I think."

"Oh really?" he asked. "You never want my help with anything. You always say "I'm fine. I don't need your help. I can do it" and now Jack's here, and all the sudden he's the only person allowed to see you sick and defeated? I watched you give birth to our kids. Can't get much more vulnerable than that."

"I didn't want you to see me throwing up-"

"You didn't have a problem with it when you had morning sickness," he replied. "Why don't you want me to give you a shower-"

"You think he stayed when I showered?" she interrupted. "Because he definitely didn't. He left."

"Fine," he sighed. "I don't care. You can do whatever you want Kate. You're sick. I get that. I get that you're scared. But I'm scared too. I can't raise our boys all by myself."

"Well I just told you," she smiled. "Jack's going to give me a kidney. So I'm going to be fine."

* * *

Sawyer was sitting next to Kate. She was in the hospital. She had just had the surgery. She was holding Sawyer's hand.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Amazingly enough I feel good," she said. "Actually they said that Jack would be the one to feel shitty, since he's the one who gave the kidney. I want to go visit him."

"He's sleeping," Sawyer answered.

"You're not just telling me that because something's really wrong are you?" she asked, slightly panicked.

"No," he shook his head. "Jack's doing ok. He's just resting. The nurse told me no visitors."

"They'll let me visit him," Kate insisted. "Please James."

Sawyer carefully helped Kate get up and into a wheelchair. He pushed her down the hall to Jack's room.

"He's coding Angela!" the nurse exclaimed coming from Jack's room. "Go get Dr. Mitchell."

"Wait!" Kate yelled. "You can't let him die!"

"Kate," Sawyer whispered. "Calm down. You shouldn't-"

"Take her back to her room Mr. Ford," Kate's nurse said softly. Sawyer turned her around and brought her back to her room. She didn't want to go and she made sure the entire hospital knew it.

"Sawyer," she sobbed when he got her back into the bed. "What if he dies Sawyer? What if he dies? They said this was a standard operation. They said we'd both be fine!"

"Shh," he whispered, trying to be comforting. "Hey. I know…you weren't supposed to see that-"

The nurse came into the room and looked at Kate.

"Are you in any pain ma'am?" she asked.

"Ugh, don't call me ma'am…it's so condescending," Kate replied.

"Fine," the nurse chuckled. "Mrs. Ford. How are you feeling?"

"I want to know how Jack is," she answered. "Tell me."

"The doctor's are working on him. It seems that while he was a perfect match, he's not in perfect health," she replied. "He lied on his medical forms."

"Maybe he didn't know," Kate whispered.

"Well, we got some of his medical files from the mental hospital he was in, and they said that he was well aware of his physical health deteriorating. That's a pretty special friend to put you ahead of himself."

Kate looked at Sawyer and closed her mouth tightly.

"Is he going to be ok?" Kate sobbed.

"We're treating him," she answered calmly.

"Not good enough!" Kate yelled. The nurse pulled a syringe out of her pocket and put it into Kate's IV. "What's that? What is that? You can't give me something without my consent!"

"You gave consent when you had surgery," the nurse answered. "It's just something that will help you sleep."

Kate shook her head, but then started closing her eyes. She was asleep quickly. Sawyer shook his head and looked at the nurse.

"You need to give me an update on Jack as soon as you can," he replied.

"He's-" she sighed. "Sir, he's in trouble."

"What does that mean?" he asked. "I mean-he's going to die?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "We're going to keep a close eye on him. He went back into surgery."

"Do you mind if I ask you what's going on?" he questioned.

"He's-" she began. "He has a blood disorder. If he starts bleeding then it's hard to get him to stop. We think he might be bleeding internally from surgery earlier today."

"Shit," Sawyer whispered. "God dammit Jack. Why are you so damn stubborn?"

"Looks like he just wanted to do everything he could to save your wife," she answered.

Sawyer nodded and looked over at Kate who was now in a deep sleep.

"When he gets out of surgery-" Sawyer began.

"I'll let you know," she smiled warmly. Sawyer took Kate's hand again. He waited quietly for her to wake back up or for them to come tell him about Jack…whichever came first. It was near to 2 hours later. Kate had gone in and out of awareness. The same nurse came into the room and checked Kate's vitals then looked at Sawyer.

"Jack's out of surgery," she told him. "He's stable for now. He wants to talk to you actually."

"But?" Sawyer asked, knowing that there was more that she wasn't saying.

"Jack isn't going to make it," she replied. "He knows it."

Sawyer sighed and followed the nurse down the hall and to the elevators. She told him that he was going to be in the intensive care unit on the 7th floor. He took the elevator and found Jack's room. He was sharing the room with 4 other men who looked like they might die any second. He sat down next to Jack's bed.

"Thanks for coming fast," Jack said with a chuckle. "In case she didn't tell you, I don't really have much time."

"Not funny Doc," Sawyer replied with a frown. "What the hell am I supposed to tell Kate? Jack-why did you-"

"Because I couldn't let you lose her the way I lost Juliet," he answered.

"But Juliet's not dead," Sawyer told him. "Juliet is living in Miami with her sister. She's not dead."

"Noah and Teddy need their mom," Jack continued. "Listen. The doctors didn't give me much time anyway. It's why they released me. My blood…it's sort of poisoning the rest of my body-"

"What about Kate?" Sawyer asked.

"Oh…no…it won't do anything to Kate," he answered. "Kate's going to be fine."

"How come this just all the sudden showed up?" Sawyer asked.

"I dunno," Jack replied. "They can't tell me."

"How long did they give you now?" Sawyer whispered.

"Few days," Jack answered.

"And there's nothing they can do?" he asked. "Like a blood transfusion or something? You're just gonna die and that's it? Kate's going to be devastated."

"Kate's going to live and that's all I care about," Jack responded. "She can handle a few weeks of being sad. All I want is for her to live. And for her to have that baby girl she's always wanted."

"What?" Sawyer asked softly.

"She told me that when she gets better she wants to try and have another baby," he stated. "She wants a daughter. Because she knows how much you love Clementine. So can you do that for me. Last request."

"Give Kate a daughter?" he murmured.

"Yeah," Jack nodded.

"Ok," Sawyer whispered. "But I'm bringing her up here to say goodbye."

"No," Jack shook his head. "No. You're not going to do that to her."

"Well if you die, and she doesn't get a chance to say goodbye, she's never going to forgive me," Sawyer answered. He got up and left the room quickly before Jack could argue again.

When Sawyer got back downstairs Kate was awake. She was talking to her nurse.

"Where is he?" Kate asked. Sawyer sighed softly and came into the room.

"He's right there Mrs. Ford," the nurse said. "I told you that he wasn't going to be long."

"I woke up and you were gone," Kate whispered. "I thought you went home."

"I never would have," he shook his head. "In fact. I convinced them to let me stay tonight. Isn't that right Nurse Ratchet."

"Don't call me that," the nurse rolled her eyes. "And n-"

"But first I gotta tell you about Jack," he whispered.

"What?" she asked softly. "Is he ok?"

"Now Kate," he began. "You have to promise me that you're going to stay calm."

"Oh my God," she said. "He's not ok is he? He-"

"No honey," he whispered. "He's not."

"No," she sobbed. "How-"

"He's still alive," Sawyer began. "But he has this blood disorder. It's going to kill him."

"It's my fault," she cried.

"Baby," he sighed. "No. It's not your fault. He told me that he had 4 months…but then he wanted to help you, so-"

"He has less time?" she asked. "How much?"

"Jack said few days," he murmured.

"Days!" she exclaimed. "How can he do this? Why did he do this? He knew it would only make him sicker if he helped me."

"Because he wanted you to live," he answered. "He didn't care about himself. He just wants you to live and have a daughter."

"What?" she said with tears streaming down her face, but then allowed a small smile to crack.

"He told me that you want a daughter," he replied softly. "I think we should. I mean we'll wait till you get better."

"I want to go see Jack," she whispered.

"I had a feeling that you might," he said. "He didn't want me to tell you-"

"Why not?!" she exclaimed.

"Why do you think?" he asked. "He didn't want you to have to see him sick. And he didn't want to upset you."

"I would have found out when he died, and then I would have been really upset if you hadn't told me," she answered.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I knew that too. I definitely knew that."

"So take me up to him," she stated.

"Darlin'," he sighed. "Jack's in intensive care. They have really weird visiting hours. Especially for non-family members."

"We are his family James," she told him.

"I know," he nodded. "I know. But it's late. And you had surgery just today Kate. Why don't we just wait till the morning. I'll take you up first thing."

"You know that I'll never forgive you if he dies tonight," she said softly.

"I know," he answered. "That's why he better fight like hell so that you can say goodbye tomorrow morning."

"Are you really going to stay with me tonight?" she asked.

"If you want me to," he answered.

"Yes," she nodded. "I want you to. I want you to stay."

Sawyer held on to Kate's hand and she fell back to sleep. He knew that she wouldn't sleep very well because of her concern for Jack.

The next morning Kate woke up. Sawyer had fallen asleep in the chair next to her. His head was resting next to her body. He was snoring softly. Kate saw a small puddle of drool on the sheet. She smiled at him and ran her hand over his hair.

"Good morning," she whispered. He groaned and sat up.

"My neck," he said. "Damn."

"I want to go see Jack," she told him.

"I remember," he nodded. "Come on."

He helped Kate up and helped her into the wheel chair. She sat down and moaned softly.

"My back," she whispered.

"You didn't complain yesterday," he said.

"Yesterday I was on heavy pain medication. It must be beginning to wear off," she said.

"Well then let's get the nurs-" he began.

"No," she shook her head. "Take me to Jack."

Sawyer nodded and wheeled her down the hall and to the elevators. They went up to Jack's room. Jack was laying in the bed, wide awake. He didn't look as sick as the other people. He didn't look like he was dying at all. Sawyer wheeled Kate next to the bed and she looked at Jack.

"You idiot," she shook her head. Jack couldn't help but laugh softly.

"Sorry Kate," he said.

"Why?" she asked. "Why would you-"

"I already explained it to Sawyer," he stated. "You have to live Kate. You have to live and see those babies grow up. I don't have anything. I haven't for a long time-"

"Jack," she sniffled and wiped her tears.

"I needed to do this," he said. "I needed to save you Kate."

"I don't want you to die," she sobbed. "Isn't there-I mean I can give you blood-"

"It's not going to help," he shook his head. "I've had blood transfusions. Nothing is going to work. I'm sorry."

The tears flowed freely down her cheeks. Sawyer took her hand and squeezed it. She looked at Sawyer and then looked back at Jack.

"If I hug you, will it hurt?" she asked.

"No," he answered.

"Sawyer?" she said. Sawyer helped Kate stand and she leaned over carefully and hugged Jack. She sobbed softly and Jack rubbed her back.

"Kate," he whispered. "You're gonna get through this. You're gonna be able to move on."

"But it's gonna kill me," she sniffled. "It's all my fault Jack."

"It isn't your fault," he said to her. "It's not your fault. And you can handle being sad. But Sawyer…Sawyer can't handle losing you. And I didn't want to be responsible for taking a mother away from those kids. And you want your daughter. There's still so much left for you Kate."

"Are you scared?" she asked softly.

"Kate," he whispered. "Don't."

"Sorry," she murmured.

Kate and Sawyer stayed in Jack's room for a couple of hours, until they were kicked out. Sawyer wheeled Kate back to her room. He put her back in the bed and she sighed deeply.

"I don't know what to do Sawyer," she whispered.

"Do whatever you want," he said. "This is a open room. You can cry or scream or hit something. Here…take this here bedpan and chuck it across the room."

"Sawyer," she let out a sharp sigh. "I know you're trying to make me feel better, but it's not working. Nothing you say is going to change anything."

"Honey," he whispered. "Listen to me. I'm not trying to do anything. I know you're devastated. I know you want to cry, but you don't want to look weak. And I'm just saying. Anything you want to do-"

"I don't want to talk," she interrupted. "And I don't want you to talk. Can we just sit her in the silence?"

"Sure," he nodded.

A few hours later, Kate had dozed off again. The nurse came into the hospital room and looked at Sawyer.

"Um…your friend. Jack…" she began.

"He's gone," Sawyer interrupted. She nodded and sighed softly.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Thanks," he nodded.

Sawyer looked over at Kate. He knew that he should let her rest. He knew he shouldn't upset her with this news. But he also knew Kate very well. He knew that Kate would be pissed if he didn't wake her up. He picked up her hand and squeezed it gently. She moved in her sleep and then woke up.

"Hmm," she murmured. "What's going on?"

"Sweetheart," he whispered. "You gotta be awake for this."

"What?" she asked. "I'm awake."

"Freckles," he whispered. "Honey, it's Jack."

"He's-" she began, but didn't finish her sentence.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I wanna go home," she frowned. "I just wanna go home."

Now she was almost acting as if she was a 5 year old child. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Sawyer touched her hand.

"Take me home," she whispered. "Please. I want my sons. I want to go home."

"Lemme go talk to the doctor," he answered.

"OK," she nodded.

**2 Weeks Later**

Kate had already gotten back most of her strength. She was taking care of the kids more and more each day. She didn't seem to even want Sawyer's help. Sawyer did small things to help around the house, but Kate wanted to try to get back to her normal routine. She got up from the couch holding Teddy and carried him up the stairs. She came back down and sat down next to Sawyer. She put her arm around his shoulder and sighed softly.

"He's out like a light," she said. "Noah's in his room reading…or at least looking at the pictures."

"So what are you suggesting Freckles?" he asked with a smirk.

"Not that," she shook her head. "I found this."

She held up the new bottle of vodka and looked as if she might start crying.

"I haven't had a drop," he said.

"I know," she nodded. "It's not opened. But what the hell is it doing in this house? I sure as hell didn't buy it."

"Kate, when you told me...I was stressed-" he began.

"You were stressed?" she asked. "What about me?"

"Kate," he sighed. "I'm sorry. Dump it out right now. I just-I wanted to have it just in case."

"Fine," she murmured. "I want to tell you something. Sawyer…I really just want to get my life back. I want to go back to work."

"Are you serious?" he asked. "Kate. You just went through hell. And not only that, but we just lost Jack. You need to give yourself time to recover and grieve. Your doctors told you to take at least a month off. And since you work right at the hospital, I'm sure that your supervisor and co-workers are going to completely understand you taking some time to get better. You're not read-"

"I am ready," she interrupted. "I'm ready to get my life back. I mean Noah is going to be 4 soon. And Teddy…he's gonna be a year old soon. I just-"

"You want to get started on that baby," he said.

"No," she shook her head. "I want to wait till Teddy is a year. I just mean-I want to go back to work. I want to get back to normal. Like everything normal. Our-"

"Sex?" he asked.

"Well not right this second," she chuckled. "But I was hoping sorta soon. Like tonight."

"Kate," he said softly. "Are you serious? Kate, you just got over cancer-"

"Look, I know what I got over!" she exclaimed. "I know more about my sickness than you! You can't-"

"Shh," he whispered. "Kate-I'm not trying to make you feel worse. I just-I spent the last month being worried about you. And you didn't slow down at all throughout that whole time. So now…now it's time for you to just stop. Spend some time with us. Time with the kids."

"James-" she sighed.

"No!" he exclaimed, but not loudly. Then he sighed and whispered. "Freckles, I almost lost you. I don't know what I would have done if I had. Kate, you know how much I love you. I love you and I can't lose you."

"You didn't," she said, touching his cheek softly. "You didn't lose me."

"I know," he nodded. "I know you're ok…but what if you're not? It's only been 2 weeks. Y'know…do whatever you want. If you want to get away from us…then go ahead."

He stood up and went up the stairs. Kate watched him leave. She sighed softly and then followed. She walked past Noah's room. Noah was laying on the floor looking at his book. Sawyer was sitting next to him, watching him. Kate sat down next to him and took his hand in hers. He looked at her and she put her hand against his head. She pushed his head against her shoulder. He closed his eyes and sighed softly.

"Mommy can we go to the zoo?" Noah asked.

"Sure baby," she answered. "We can go tomorrow."

"Yay!" he exclaimed.

"Bedtime," Kate said softly. She lifted Noah up and let out a soft moan.

"You shouldn't be lifting-" Sawyer began. Kate put Noah down in the bed and kissed him goodnight. She went back to the bedroom and got changed into her pajamas. Sawyer watched her. He sat down on the bed. She finished getting changed and sat down next to him.

"You're right," she sighed. "Ok? You're right. I should spend some time with the boys…and with you too. But I want to tell you…I'm ok. Sawyer I feel fine. I know it's only been 2 weeks, but I feel fine. I'm just-I'm trying to keep myself busy. I'm trying to keep myself from falling apart. Jack's gone. And-he's gone Sawyer. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I should feel because I feel like I just lost my best friend, but-I haven't even seen very much of him in 3 years. And you're my best friend. I don't know why I'm feeling this way."

"Because," he whispered. "You loved him Kate. You cared about him. And now…I'm mean, you're kinda connected forever since he gave you a kidney."

"And that doesn't make you jealous?" she asked.

"Jealous as hell," he answered. "But I know you love me. So…"

"That's damn right James," she said softly. "You have nothing to be jealous of."

**2 Months Later**

Kate was still healthy. But she was still upset over Jack. Every time Sawyer would start to show any affection or love toward her, she would push him away. They hadn't had sex since she was better. She had gone back to work part time. Sawyer was glad that she was home more often. He wasn't as worried about her anymore. But he was very worried about her not wanting to have sex with him.

She was laying in bed with Teddy. He was touching her nose.

"Nose," she whispered.

"Mama," he said softly. Sawyer stood in the doorway leaning up against the doorframe.

"You're amazing Freckles," he whispered.

"Why?" she chuckled softly.

"You look hot," he said.

"I'm wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt with jelly all over it," she said. "And my hair…it's a mess."

"That's what makes it hot," he whispered. He walked across the room and sat down next to her. He ran his hand across her cheek.

"You're not so bad yourself," she said softly. She picked Teddy up and carried him out of the room. Sawyer went to follow her, but she put a hand up to stop him. He sat back down to wait for her. She came back, and sat down next to him. She leaned forward and kissed his lips. He kissed back, and put his hand on the back of her head. She backed away and took a deep breath.

"James," she whispered.

"Hmm?" he asked. She lifted her shirt up and over her head. She unhooked her bra and then leaned toward him again. He leaned over her and pushed her down on the bed. He unbuttoned her pants and started to pull them down.

"Mommy?" Noah said on the other side of the door. Sawyer stopped and sighed softly. He got up and went to the door.

"Can I help you?" Sawyer asked.

"I want to say goodnight," he answered with a frown.

"OK," Sawyer said. He picked him up and carried him back to his room. Kate followed after getting redressed. She hugged and kissed Noah and then she and Sawyer left and went back to their bedroom. Kate pulled her shirt back off and sat down on the edge of the bed. Sawyer leaned over her and kissed her again.

"I love you," she stated.

"Love you too," he answered. He went to kiss her again. She pulled his shirt up and over his head. He smiled at her and kissed her quicker. She laid back, but was still hanging half way off the bed. She wrapped a leg around him and breathed in deeply.

"James," she whispered. He reached down and unbuttoned her pants for the second time. Their lips blindly moved over each other's. Kate ran her hands down his arms and sides. He kissed her neck. She unbuttoned his pants and he pulled them down. Kate gasped softly as he laid back down. He kissed her lips. She kissed him back and they both used their tongues. She sighed softly and wrapped her legs around him again. He reached down and pulled her underwear down slowly. She sat up and pushed his boxers down. He looked at her and then leaned back down to kiss her. He kissed her gently. She tried to deepen the kiss. He backed away and kissed her forehead. He pushed down into her and she moaned. She opened her mouth and he kissed and sucked on her lips. She wrapped both of her legs around him and he moved quicker. She tilted her head back and moaned louder. He kept going quicker, and she gasped and moaned again. They both came and Sawyer rolled off of her. They moved up to the head of the bed. Kate pushed all the blankets off the bed. He ran his fingers down her shoulder and back. She touched his chest.

"I love you," Kate whispered.

"Hmm, and I love you too honey," he told her. She closed her eyes and kissed him softly. She curled up next to him and started falling asleep.

_She woke up and Jack was laying next to her. She smiled and leaned toward him. She kissed him roughly. He kissed her back and breathed out. He ran his finger down her body and looked at her with a soft smile. _

"_I'm so glad that you're not dead," she said._

"_I'll never be dead in your heart Kate," he replied. _

"_I love you," she whispered. He kissed her and pulled her closer. Their naked bodies touched. Kate gasped softly. She felt a third hand on her shoulder. She looked over and saw Sawyer. He was laying next to her. He didn't say anything. She looked back at Jack and shook her head. _

"_Jack," she said softly. He rolled over on top of her and pushed into her. She moaned and ran her hand down his face and chest. She swallowed hard, and gasped for a breath. He continued to moved over her. She didn't want to stop. _

"_Sawyer," she whispered. "Wait. Stop. Sawyer."_

"_I love you Kate," Jack said into her ear. _

"_I love Sawyer," she said, but they still didn't stop. _

Kate opened her eyes and gasped softly. She wasn't facing Sawyer anymore, but his arm was still over her shoulder gently. She flipped over and put her hand against his chin. She pulled him toward her and kissed him deeply. She was still naked. She rolled over on top of him, and he woke up.

"Freckles," he mumbled. "What the hell-"

She kissed him again and rolled her hips softly over his. He groaned softly and grabbed onto her hips. She moaned loudly into his ear and then lifted herself up and lowered down onto him. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and didn't slow down. She rolled off of him and gasped softly. "Good morning," he said to her. She chuckled softly and rolled toward him.

"Good morning," she responded.

"Did you have a bad dream or something?" he asked.

"How did you know?" she asked.

"Well, you were moaning in your sleep. But it didn't exactly sound like it was a bad dream type of a moan," he replied. "It sounded kinda like a sex dream."

"It sorta-well, it sorta was."

"But it wasn't me?" he asked softly.

"Sawyer," she whispered.

"Well, come on," he scoffed. "You wouldn't be acting so weird if you were having a normal sex dream. So who was it?"

"Jack," she murmured.

"It was a dream," he sighed. "Don't worry about it."

He got out of the bed and went into the bathroom. Kate could hear the shower turn on. She grumbled and went toward the bathroom door. She could hear Teddy crying. She left the bedroom and went to get Teddy. She lifted him up and held him close.

"It's alright," she whispered. "Momma's here."

She kissed him on the forehead and he whined to get down. She put him down on the floor and he crawled over to his teddy bear on the ground.

"Did you throw boo out of your crib?" she chuckled. He nodded and hugged the bear. Kate picked him back up and put him in his crib. At first he whined again, but Kate walked back to her bedroom and he stopped. She went into the bathroom and heard the shower still running."James?" she asked.

"Freckles, it's too early for this," he said. She quickly undressed and got into the shower behind him. She wrapped her arms around his chest.

"I love you ok?" she asked.

"Seems like you're the insecure one Kate, not me," he said, turning around. "It was just a stupid dream Kate."

"I know," she nodded. "I just still miss him sometimes y'know."

"Yeah," he whispered, and touched her cheek softly. "But what can I do Kate? There's nothing I can do. I try to hold you, but you don't want me to when you're sad about Jack. I try to make love to you, but you don't want to because it reminds you that Jack's last wish was for you to have your daughter. And I know that you're going stir crazy not being able to have a full work load."

"I'm staying home today," she said softly.

"What?" he asked and shook his head. "Kate, that's not what I-"

"I want to stay home with you. Just you," she answered. "I'll call Veronica and have her come get the boys. I just want to spend some time with just the two of us."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I miss you," she whispered. "Believe it or not, I really really miss you."

Sawyer wrapped his arms around her and sighed softly.

**2 Weeks Later**

Sawyer came home from taking the boys to the park. Kate's car was at home. He furrowed his eyebrows and went into the house. He was carrying Teddy, but set him down quickly and ran up the stairs.

"Kate!" he exclaimed. "Kate!"

She was in the master bathroom. She was sitting on the floor by the toilet. There was an empty pint of ice cream sitting on the floor next to her. Sawyer didn't have to look at it to know that it was cookies n' cream. He quickly went to his knees and wrapped his arms around her. She was crying softly. He helped her stand and then picked her up.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

"I'm taking you to the hospital," he answered. He carried her down the stairs, but she kept insisting that she could walk. Finally he set her down. Sawyer picked up Teddy and they left the house again quickly.

Sawyer was sitting in the waiting room again. Noah kept trying to get his attention, but Sawyer wasn't paying any attention. Teddy was sobbing 'daddy' over and over again. Sawyer still didn't move.

"Um sir," a woman in the waiting room said. "Your kids-"

Sawyer snapped out of it and picked up Teddy. Teddy stopped crying, but Noah was still trying to get Sawyer to play with me.

"Daddy, play, daddy play, daddy play, daddy play," he was saying over and over again.

"No!" Sawyer exclaimed loudly. Noah jumped and started crying. Sawyer had scared Teddy too, and was now crying loudly. People were now looking at Sawyer as if he was some kind of monster. Sawyer sighed deeply and shook his head. "Noah, com ere."

Noah sobbed, but walked toward Sawyer. He climbed up onto Sawyer's lap. Sawyer held Noah and Teddy.

"I'm sorry guys," he whispered. "You're momma is sick again. Scares me."

Kate came into the waiting room and looked at Sawyer. He looked up at her. She started smiling and he furrowed his eyebrows.

"I'm not sick," she sobbed and laughed at the same time. Sawyer opened his mouth, but then set the boys both down. He walked toward Kate and she put her hands on his cheeks. "I'm not sick. I'm pregnant."

"Whoo!" he exclaimed just as loudly as his 'no'. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him. He spun her around and hugged her tightly. "You're not sick?"

"No," she smiled and shook her head. "I'm fine. Just gonna be sick for a couple months."

**8 Months Later**

Kate wouldn't let go of the baby. Sawyer was sitting next to her, looking down at the baby. They were back at home. The boys were staying at Veronica's for a few days while they got the baby settled in.

"Sawyer," she sniffled. "She's-she's beautiful."

"She looks kinda like Clem," he murmured.

"She looks like you," Kate smiled. She leaned forward and kissed him softly.

"Let me take her," Sawyer said.

"No," she said, holding the baby closer.

"Kate," he chuckled.

"I need to try to sleep tonight," she stated. "I'm sad that the boys are at Veronica's."

"Well you know that we need time to get Sookie settled," he said.

"I can't believe you talked me into naming her Sookie," she said softly.

"It fits her," Sawyer said softly. "It's a cute name."

"Yeah," she nodded. "It is cute. Sookie May."

"So why are you so upset that the boys are with Veronica?" he asked.

"It's not that they're with Veronica," she sighed. "I mean…our kids don't have any family other than us. No aunts and uncles. No grandmas and grandpas. I'm sad that they're not with their grandparents."

"Well Clem and Cass are coming to visit the new baby soon," he said. "I know it's not the same, but-"

"I know," she answered.

That night they were laying in bed. The baby was in the same room as them. Kate was laying facing the crib, just watching the baby. Sawyer put his arms around her. She smiled and put her hand against his arm. He kissed her cheek and then moved to her lips. She rolled over and looked at him.

"Do you ever miss them?" she whispered.

"The boys?" he asked. "They've been gone 10 hours-"

"Your parents," she interrupted. "James, your parents."

"Of course I do," he said, running his hand over her cheek. "I miss them all the time."

"I miss mine too," she murmured.

"I wish you could have met my mom," he smirked. "She woulda loved you."

"How do you know?" she asked.

"My mom always said that behind every great man there was an even greater woman," he replied. "She probably would have thought that you were way too good for me, but-"

"Even after the fact that I'm a murderer?" she asked.

"Yep," he nodded. "She would have seen this gorgeous and intelligent woman. She would have wondered what you would have wanted with a high school drop out."

"You're smart too," she said softly. "And-y'know…my mom. She wouldn't have cared. As long as I was taken care of."

"Your mom didn't choose someone who took care of her," he whispered.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I know. But-she would have been hurt if I chose a man who hit me. She would have wanted me to have better than her."

"Y'know my dad probably would have tried to steal you away from me," he smirked.

"Hmm, was he cute?" Kate asked.

"Some thought so," he murmured.

"Sawyer," she sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he shook his head. "My daddy-he may have been a son of a bitch, but he was still my dad."

Kate reached forward and touched his cheek softly. She leaned forward to kiss him and the baby started crying. She kissed him for a second longer. He almost thought that she wasn't going to rush to the baby's side, but then she parted and went over to the baby.

"Guess we have another kid that I'll have to compete with," he smirked.

"Oh James, no matter how many babies we have you'll always be taken care of," she said almost condescendingly.

"Well as long as I get my bath at night," he stated, still smiling. She couldn't help but let out an audible laugh.

"Don't worry," she answered. "You'll get plenty of attention."

"Can I hold the baby?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head. He looked at her and asked her again without saying anything. She sighed softly and handed the baby to Sawyer. He looked at the baby and sighed softly.

"Hey Sook," he said softly. The baby cooed softly and Kate smirked. "See? She likes her name."

"I like it too," Kate stated. "I wouldn't have named her that if I didn't like it."

"Well," he began. "It's high time. You named Noah and Teddy-"

"You named Teddy," she said. "I didn't even know your dad's name until you named Teddy."

"Damn," he murmured. "Well, I didn't want to spend 3 weeks arguing over her name."

"I'm glad we have a daughter," she whispered.

"Me too," he smiled.

"No you're not," she shook her head.

"Yes I am," he answered. "You know that I love her."

"Yeah," she nodded. "I know. But you would have preferred another boy-"

"No," he interrupted. "I knew you wanted a girl. And I wasn't really too keen on trying until we got a girl."

"Yeah," she chuckled.

"I'm gonna put her back down," he whispered.

"She seems to like her daddy," she smiled. Sawyer didn't say anything. He put the baby back down in the crib and then put his arms around Kate. She curled up next to him and sighed softly.

"I'm so tired," she said.

"Well get ready," he stated. "Sookie will be waking us up in a few hours."

**A/N: Ok…so I'll do one more short epilogue. I'm a huge dork and I've been watching True Blood the past few days, and I decided Sookie would be a cute name for Sawyer and Kate's baby. I know I jumped ahead a lot and this was a long chapter, but I hope you liked it. : ) **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I wasn't really sure on how to end this. It's short and fluffy. **

**2 Days Later**

The doorbell rang. Kate ran toward the door and opened it. Noah and Teddy were standing at the door and jumped up into her arms.

"Hi!" she exclaimed.

"Mommy!" they both exclaimed. She held them both and Veronica smiled.

"They definitely missed you," she said.

"I missed them too," Kate answered.

"Can I see Sookie?" Veronica asked.

"Yeah," Kate nodded. She set the boys both down and walked over to Sawyer. Sawyer was standing, holding the baby. Veronica followed Kate and looked down at the baby.

"She's so cute," Veronica said softly.

"Mommy I wanna see!" Noah exclaimed.

"Me! Me!" Teddy said, patting Kate's leg. Kate took the baby from Sawyer and bent down to show Sookie to the boys.

"She looks the same," Noah said.

"Well, it's only been two days," Kate chuckled.

"I wanna hold her!" Noah exclaimed.

"Me! Me!" Teddy stated again. Kate smiled and shook her head.

"Sweetie, you're too little," she said to Noah. He whined softly and frowned.

"Come on guys," Sawyer chimed in. He walked over to the boys and picked them both up. "Let's eat lunch."

"No!" Noah exclaimed. "I wanna hold Sookie!"

"Noah," he whispered softly. He put Teddy down, and looked at Noah. "Sookie is very little and you have to be very careful."

"But I'm 4!" Noah said.

"Yeah," he sighed. "I know. But you're little. Can you hold perfectly still when you hold the baby?"

"Yes!" Noah exclaimed.

"Ok," Sawyer whispered. They walked into the living room. Sawyer put Noah on the couch and sat down next to him. Kate walked toward him and furrowed her eyebrows.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked.

"Yes," he nodded. "Noah is Sookie's big brother. He won't hurt her. And I'm right here."

"Ok," she whispered. She handed Sookie to Sawyer.

"Alright," he began. "Are you ready Noah?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Hold out your arms," Sawyer said. Noah did as Sawyer told him. Sawyer lowered the baby into Noah's arms. He carefully took his hands off of the baby and let Noah hold him. Kate gasped softly and Sawyer smirked at her. "He's fine."

"I'm holding the baby," Noah said softly.

"Yeah," Sawyer nodded. "Good job buddy."

Teddy came over to the couch and lifted his arms up. Sawyer picked him up and put him on his lap. Teddy hugged Sawyer and put his thumb in his mouth. Sookie started crying. Noah started whining.

"Momma," he said looking worried. She walked over to him and took Sookie from his arms.

"It's ok," she chuckled.

"I didn't hurt her," Noah stated.

"No," Kate shook her head. "Babies cry a lot."

Kate sat down next to Sawyer with the baby. She held Sookie close, against her chest. Sookie continued to cry. Kate rubbed her back softly.

"You want to try?" Kate asked.

"Not really," he mumbled. Teddy was still sitting on Sawyer's lap.

"I'll hold Teddy," she offered. Sawyer chuckled softly. He put Teddy between him and Kate and then took Sookie from Kate's arms. She still didn't calm down. Sawyer stood up and started to walk around the living room. As he walked Sookie stopped crying. He smirked at Kate. She stood up still holding Teddy. Noah clung onto Sawyer's leg and looked up at him.

"Play with me daddy!" he exclaimed.

"Not right now," he said.

"Please!" Noah exclaimed. "I missed you!"

"Ok," Sawyer sighed. He sat down on the floor, still holding Sookie. She started crying again. He reached over and put her into the baby swing. When the swing started Sookie stopped crying. Sawyer sighed softly.

Sawyer and Kate spent the rest of the day with the kids. They took them to the park. They read them stories at night. Noah and Teddy were going to be sharing a bedroom soon, so they could make Teddy's room into the baby's room. But after the story Kate carried Teddy back to his room so he could spend a last night in his room.

When Kate got back to the bedroom she flopped down on the bed without changing out of her clothes.

"I'm so tired," she whispered.

"Hopefully we can get some sleep tonight," he whispered. He got into the bed next to her and wrapped his arms around her. She kissed him softly and then didn't stop. She chuckled softly and ran her hands across his shoulders.

"The door is opened," she began. "We shouldn't-"

"Well, it's not like we can actually do anything anyway," he told her.

"Well, I can't," she murmured. "But you can."

He chuckled softly and leaned forward to kiss her. He rested his hand on her cheek. He leaned forward, but then stopped when he heard feet pattering. He looked across the room and saw both Noah and Teddy coming into the bedroom. He looked at them and then smiled at Kate.

"We want to sleep with you," Noah said.

"Come on," Kate said holding out her arms. Noah ran and flopped onto the bed. He scrambled up to the head of the bed and pushed his way between Kate and Sawyer. Teddy tried to do the same, but couldn't he walked to the edge of the bed and held his arms up for Kate to pick him up. She hugged him and put him in the middle of the bed.

"Only for a little bit ok?" she whispered softly.

"No!" Teddy exclaimed.

"Yes," Kate insisted. "Just for a little while. We'll tell a story."

Sawyer and Kate made up a story and told it together. After the story was over, both of the kids were so tired, that they could barely hold their eyes open. Kate and Sawyer each took a kid and carried them back to their bedrooms. They met back in the hallway. Sawyer reached out and took her hand. She smiled at him and they walked back to their bedroom. She walked over to the baby's crib and looked down at her. She was fussing slightly. Kate lifted her up carefully and sat down on the edge of the bed. She cradled the baby and looked at Sawyer.

"She's never going to shut up is she?" he asked softly.

"She's a newborn Sawyer," she answered. "So no…she's never going to shut up. It's going to be just like Noah and Teddy. Possibly even worse."

"Perfect," he nodded. He sat down next to Kate and ran his hand over Sookie's head. "I can't believe it's been 4 years. I feel like I've known you my whole life."

"Me too," she replied.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

"I love you too James," she responded.

**A/N: Please Review!**


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